Nothing deep, just a light breakfast for those who digest unusual phrases
and fairly disconnected logic jumps and take it in the spirit that it is offered!
I have to admit that I was a bit worried about the dessert aspect since they went from zero to 120 in 10 seconds flat.
So ... after being turned down every day or every week for Months this desperate idiot "man" goes out of his way to get these hard to obtain
thrater tickets.... he gets turned down AGAIN so that Madeliene she can go with and old man.
But then she has a ANOTHER date.... this time with a with drug user and criminal Alex...
only THEN does she go on a date with this idiot man... and of course he is so pathetically desperate that he agrees.
and you know what the scray thing is folks? The author winterfrog really does not see anything wrong this this
A am a big fan of winterfrog. Your characteristic voice got edited out in this story. I realize a lot of comments have been made about your grammar, but I think it's charming and accepted it as part of your writing persona.
In part two I think you went overboard on the evil rival. It would have been much more believable if he was just an unpleasant guy, even a bit unsavory and not the personification of evil.
Part one of the story was much better with a reasonable number of twists and the details of the hunt and the kill. Part two seemed rushed as if you felt it wasn't going anywhere (which it didn't), and just wanted to end the thing.
However, Shakespeare who wrote As You Like It and Hamlet also wrote the Tempest. I really do look forward to your next story
by
Anonymous03/15/10
A Little Thin
But it's the only story about a real man, W.T.F. happened to this site, Yikes.
It could use a really good editor. The dialogue was weird, the sentences had a lot of extra words that weren't needed, that made the dialogue sound funny.
Thanks for writing!
by
Anonymous03/15/10
a bit to artificial/forced
no real flow. I guess a part 2 was never in line for this story.
Because I know English is not your first language. An editor could help if you wanted to polish up your stories. Normally, I enjoy your stories and did this one. Like many others, the character development was thin, and the story line jumped around. The movement from her wanting his tickets to her wanting to marry him was jagged.
by
Anonymous03/15/10
Some 2 years back
winterfrog actually wrote better stories, in better English than this... Whta has happened to you, dear author, Mr. Winterfrog? The story flow is horrible; the plot is terrible, and the characterization is just goddamn aweful!
Why don't you learn to write better... write from different view points.... doing different things, other than the same story .... about the same poor chap in some small Scandinavian town who's always finding a way to kick out the bitch, and then moves on to find a smart lawyer woman living next door, and so on???
by
Anonymous03/16/10
This is bad!!!!!
Chapter 1 was not that good but 2 sucks.!!!!! I have read most of your stories and these two are the worst. So write so more stories. I like your style , but not this story. "Good Luck"
by
Anonymous03/16/10
Good. But
I, too, am a fan of your stories, especially your creative plots. My main suggestion her is that your logic was a bit weak here. Could a significant lawyer (bald man) really try to entrap a top female lawyer to be degraded without severe consequences. Wouldn't he and his evil partner much more likely go after a less educated staff person? Also, would that top lawyer suddenly turn instantly into someone to tell your hero that she loved him and wanted to marry him, or would she more likely be smooth and controlled and careful to make sure they would make a solid couple. Still keeping writing, as I look forward with much anticipation to your future stories.
by
Anonymous03/16/10
nice story
Another great story that was well written and nice ending. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah Chillydog, that Shakespeare creep foisted that....
...second rate piece of jingle "The Tempest" on us, and that's a perfect analogy for what goes on at lit.Uh huh. And Lance, what does an Author's particular native language have to do with the value of the work that they present for our perusal? I'll answer for you. Everything, if it gets so blatantly and clumsily in the way of ones appreciation for or even understanding of the piece of work. Anonymous is correct.
by
Anonymous03/16/10
Well Done
Good writing skills and your stories are really refreshing.
The story was weak and the grammar intolerable. You have written much better stories.
Did you lose your editor? This piece did not flow, it seemed like it was a stitched-up group of cliches. As for the grammar, while English is not your native language it gives you little excuse. These are a number of good writers on this site for whom English is not their native tongue and yet they follow the rules of syntax and grammar.
By the way, this is the first time I have ever read such a contrived and illogical reconciliation with a rebound girlfriend. The ending stunk.
...to the detractors who criticise your imperfect English. You are incredibly brave to choose to write in a language you have obviously not been schooled in (other than at basic 'schoolboy' level).
You are obviously proud to be Scandinavian and don't try to set your stories in places outside your experience.
I personally enjoy your stories and yes, some are better than others but they have an - normally unseen in Lit. stories - inherent humour that lifts them way above most of the submissions.
Keep up your submissions. I'm glad to see more frequent submissions.
by
Anonymous03/19/10
Well Pete,
I see you're still the dumbest fuck on literotica. Winterfrog's contributions far exceed anything you could possibly dream up on your own. All you know how to do is criticize, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to do that you stupid dick.
Seriously, you've left the door wide open for the next chapter. Or, it's all in my own head that the final chapter ends with Marianne and Michael together in the end. Truly in love with Madeleine she dies either slowly or quickly, shattered, Michael is lost, lurking in the shadows Marianne saves him from destroying himself, she finally confesses...why. You left just enough bittersweet sympathy for Marianne in chapter 2 to leave an opening to a continued storyline.
With children, the first attempt should have been to reconcile with Marianne, ...
... but only with severe punishment such as hard spankings, chastity belt, revenge sex with Marianne as maid, etc, proportionate to the amount of her cheating.
by
Anonymous04/12/11
Oh God,in what an idiotic and decadent world we live in.
It seems that perversion and smut is the goal of most "writers" !
Damn! I finally agree with Harry! Madeline puts our hero off forever and finally goes out with another man. Our hero gets the tickets so she can go see what she wanted to see, but her first choice for her first date is Baldy. She snubs our hero again and goes out with another creep even though she is warned about his unsavory reputation. During her date with the baldy, she was supposedly worried she better act soon or lose the hero's loving attention whens she sees him with a pretty woman.. Yet, she still goes out with her preferred 2nd choice and finds out that the the hero had been right about her first and second choices. Only then does she come back to her 3rd choice and offer him a romantic, sex-filled night and says she loves him? Very puzzling! Still, I have looked forward to all your other stories and will get over this one. Yet, I am not sure that he shouldn't have reconciled with Mariane! I must have missed out on something here.
Thought the storyline was great but some sentences in this latter story especially near the end were difficult to read. Not too sure if this was a typo or just poor structure (not an English lit person lol).
What I liked about this story is the second woman, Madeline. Quite often the deceived husband's second romance comes across as a quick 'tack on'; a kind of oh yeah after his wife cheated on him he found somebody better right away and they lived happily ever after. Madeline had a more realistic feel. I also liked it that the cheating wife didn't end up scrounging in dumpsters because she knew she'd ruined her husband's ideal of a happy marriage. The protagonist and his first wife seemed to be working things out, and I liked that. I also liked it that while I knew the husband was deeply hurt, we didn't hear all this whining and crying. Good story, you got a five.
P.S.: I don't know if you're still actively writing. I'm an American. You're at a disadvantage what with English being your second language. I could proofread and clean up some of the stuff that doesn't quite come across. I'm not being critical, just offering a little help.
of Americans comment on Winterfrogs "disadvantage" with English. How ironic, as most Europeans consider Americans to have that same disadvantage. English is a second language to most Scandinavians. What is Americas excuse for poor English?
Anyone that can`t read and understand Winterfrogs stories, without commenting on his use of English should remember that this is not English class, and there is no test afterwards. He conveys his meaning and story quiet easily, and doesn`t need to be brow-beaten by people with an air of superiority, especially when their own language skills are far from perfect!
English
Good Story
Really enjoyed it, as all your stories.
Fun
Nothing deep, just a light breakfast for those who digest unusual phrases
and fairly disconnected logic jumps and take it in the spirit that it is offered!
I have to admit that I was a bit worried about the dessert aspect since they went from zero to 120 in 10 seconds flat.
irrational
So ... after being turned down every day or every week for Months this desperate idiot "man" goes out of his way to get these hard to obtain
thrater tickets.... he gets turned down AGAIN so that Madeliene she can go with and old man.
But then she has a ANOTHER date.... this time with a with drug user and criminal Alex...
only THEN does she go on a date with this idiot man... and of course he is so pathetically desperate that he agrees.
and you know what the scray thing is folks? The author winterfrog really does not see anything wrong this this
Not one of the best
A am a big fan of winterfrog. Your characteristic voice got edited out in this story. I realize a lot of comments have been made about your grammar, but I think it's charming and accepted it as part of your writing persona.
In part two I think you went overboard on the evil rival. It would have been much more believable if he was just an unpleasant guy, even a bit unsavory and not the personification of evil.
Part one of the story was much better with a reasonable number of twists and the details of the hunt and the kill. Part two seemed rushed as if you felt it wasn't going anywhere (which it didn't), and just wanted to end the thing.
However, Shakespeare who wrote As You Like It and Hamlet also wrote the Tempest. I really do look forward to your next story
A Little Thin
But it's the only story about a real man, W.T.F. happened to this site, Yikes.
Well done
I always like good endings, and this story has one. Thanks for the good read
Interesting story.
It could use a really good editor. The dialogue was weird, the sentences had a lot of extra words that weren't needed, that made the dialogue sound funny.
Thanks for writing!
a bit to artificial/forced
no real flow. I guess a part 2 was never in line for this story.
I have never been put off by your grammer
Because I know English is not your first language. An editor could help if you wanted to polish up your stories. Normally, I enjoy your stories and did this one. Like many others, the character development was thin, and the story line jumped around. The movement from her wanting his tickets to her wanting to marry him was jagged.
Some 2 years back
winterfrog actually wrote better stories, in better English than this... Whta has happened to you, dear author, Mr. Winterfrog? The story flow is horrible; the plot is terrible, and the characterization is just goddamn aweful!
Why don't you learn to write better... write from different view points.... doing different things, other than the same story .... about the same poor chap in some small Scandinavian town who's always finding a way to kick out the bitch, and then moves on to find a smart lawyer woman living next door, and so on???
This is bad!!!!!
Chapter 1 was not that good but 2 sucks.!!!!! I have read most of your stories and these two are the worst. So write so more stories. I like your style , but not this story. "Good Luck"
Good. But
I, too, am a fan of your stories, especially your creative plots. My main suggestion her is that your logic was a bit weak here. Could a significant lawyer (bald man) really try to entrap a top female lawyer to be degraded without severe consequences. Wouldn't he and his evil partner much more likely go after a less educated staff person? Also, would that top lawyer suddenly turn instantly into someone to tell your hero that she loved him and wanted to marry him, or would she more likely be smooth and controlled and careful to make sure they would make a solid couple. Still keeping writing, as I look forward with much anticipation to your future stories.
nice story
Another great story that was well written and nice ending. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah Chillydog, that Shakespeare creep foisted that....
...second rate piece of jingle "The Tempest" on us, and that's a perfect analogy for what goes on at lit.Uh huh. And Lance, what does an Author's particular native language have to do with the value of the work that they present for our perusal? I'll answer for you. Everything, if it gets so blatantly and clumsily in the way of ones appreciation for or even understanding of the piece of work. Anonymous is correct.
Well Done
Good writing skills and your stories are really refreshing.
Pure drivel
The story was weak and the grammar intolerable. You have written much better stories.
Did you lose your editor? This piece did not flow, it seemed like it was a stitched-up group of cliches. As for the grammar, while English is not your native language it gives you little excuse. These are a number of good writers on this site for whom English is not their native tongue and yet they follow the rules of syntax and grammar.
By the way, this is the first time I have ever read such a contrived and illogical reconciliation with a rebound girlfriend. The ending stunk.
Don 't listen.....
...to the detractors who criticise your imperfect English. You are incredibly brave to choose to write in a language you have obviously not been schooled in (other than at basic 'schoolboy' level).
You are obviously proud to be Scandinavian and don't try to set your stories in places outside your experience.
I personally enjoy your stories and yes, some are better than others but they have an - normally unseen in Lit. stories - inherent humour that lifts them way above most of the submissions.
Keep up your submissions. I'm glad to see more frequent submissions.
Well Pete,
I see you're still the dumbest fuck on literotica. Winterfrog's contributions far exceed anything you could possibly dream up on your own. All you know how to do is criticize, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to do that you stupid dick.
Chapter 3? Great story
Seriously, you've left the door wide open for the next chapter. Or, it's all in my own head that the final chapter ends with Marianne and Michael together in the end. Truly in love with Madeleine she dies either slowly or quickly, shattered, Michael is lost, lurking in the shadows Marianne saves him from destroying himself, she finally confesses...why. You left just enough bittersweet sympathy for Marianne in chapter 2 to leave an opening to a continued storyline.
Really like your stories!
Wish there were more.
With children, the first attempt should have been to reconcile with Marianne, ...
... but only with severe punishment such as hard spankings, chastity belt, revenge sex with Marianne as maid, etc, proportionate to the amount of her cheating.
Oh God,in what an idiotic and decadent world we live in.
It seems that perversion and smut is the goal of most "writers" !
Like the first chapter
Damn! I finally agree with Harry! Madeline puts our hero off forever and finally goes out with another man. Our hero gets the tickets so she can go see what she wanted to see, but her first choice for her first date is Baldy. She snubs our hero again and goes out with another creep even though she is warned about his unsavory reputation. During her date with the baldy, she was supposedly worried she better act soon or lose the hero's loving attention whens she sees him with a pretty woman.. Yet, she still goes out with her preferred 2nd choice and finds out that the the hero had been right about her first and second choices. Only then does she come back to her 3rd choice and offer him a romantic, sex-filled night and says she loves him? Very puzzling! Still, I have looked forward to all your other stories and will get over this one. Yet, I am not sure that he shouldn't have reconciled with Mariane! I must have missed out on something here.
Some Care with Grammar
Thought the storyline was great but some sentences in this latter story especially near the end were difficult to read. Not too sure if this was a typo or just poor structure (not an English lit person lol).
SMILE, CHEER UP, ALL IS NOT LOST
and nothing ventured says whats to be gained. TK U MLJ LV NV
Thanks
For sharing.
Nice
A happy ending. Madeleline almost blew it but realized Micheal was sincere and a great guy. Too great. Of course this is fiction. Still a great read.
At last, a woman who took a friend's advice and did NOT do something stupid.
A very entertaining story, that's why I read, to be entertained. Thank you.
Yep he found a bright ;light
A woman who was smart enough to think not just react to her hormones -
Truly a smart woman - nice story -
Good story
What I liked about this story is the second woman, Madeline. Quite often the deceived husband's second romance comes across as a quick 'tack on'; a kind of oh yeah after his wife cheated on him he found somebody better right away and they lived happily ever after. Madeline had a more realistic feel. I also liked it that the cheating wife didn't end up scrounging in dumpsters because she knew she'd ruined her husband's ideal of a happy marriage. The protagonist and his first wife seemed to be working things out, and I liked that. I also liked it that while I knew the husband was deeply hurt, we didn't hear all this whining and crying. Good story, you got a five.
P.S.: I don't know if you're still actively writing. I'm an American. You're at a disadvantage what with English being your second language. I could proofread and clean up some of the stuff that doesn't quite come across. I'm not being critical, just offering a little help.
A lot
of Americans comment on Winterfrogs "disadvantage" with English. How ironic, as most Europeans consider Americans to have that same disadvantage. English is a second language to most Scandinavians. What is Americas excuse for poor English?
Anyone that can`t read and understand Winterfrogs stories, without commenting on his use of English should remember that this is not English class, and there is no test afterwards. He conveys his meaning and story quiet easily, and doesn`t need to be brow-beaten by people with an air of superiority, especially when their own language skills are far from perfect!
AND THE HIGHER AND FASTER YOU CLIMB
the better smelling of those roses & tulips TK U MLJ LV NV
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