I think this story has a lot of potential to be GREAT because of the plot, setting and the characters and the overall idea and concept is great but this wasn't really a STORY format!!! Because it didn't flowed at all... I think you need to work on this some more because even though it is good, if left me thinking "What the hell did I just read..." I' am interesting in the story but again please work on your format for the next chapter
I'm liking this story so far.
I was afraid that she was going to have sex with him that first day. I'm so glad that she didn't.
This story has the potential to be really great.
Please update soon.
I agree. This has the potential to be a good story. I just think you need to slow it down a bit, and develop the story some more.
This story was in youuuuuuuur voice any white man thatI have met does not speak like this ex. this fine ass woman.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO WRITE PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT AND PLEASE GET AN EDITOR.
This is a decent start, but as others have commented, it moves too fast and there's no way Damien speaks like that. The switching of POVs is interesting but jarring. There was no reason to think Eddie was gay before that comment he made. Also, Chloe was unprofessional in thinking her boss wouldn't want her to have lunch. That was just weird -- the boss asks, she said yes, so yes, they're going to have lunch. Please keep going, though, because it's a good basis.
this is your story and your characters, you write it the way you see it, and i like the way you go between the 2 characters views. don't take long for the next installment please lol.
Great Start! For a initial submission I like your style. But keep going, and see if you can get a little help editing, but a very nice start. Well done and keep up the good work.
Like others have said please ignore some of the comments, write this story as you see fit. I enjoyed it, and am looking forward to more.
I like it already...Kinda reminds me of another Literotica story "Seven Days". Keep up the good work :D
Your title is fucking hot. Your primary characters are also hot. Your plot line is hot, too. Your pace, grammar, syntax, and inappropriate use of words in ALL CAPS? Not so hot. Get an editor, and you'll be rockin' in no time. I look forward to the next chapter.
this story is too short but interesting. please hurry on the next chapters please... :)
Your story does have a great deal of potential. It requires some more planning and thought. You have the need for a good editor. Not someone that will just correct the grammatical errors. Someone who will help you develop the story. I still look forward to the next installment.
I like this story, it was just to short. Don't take to long with the next chapter.
ITA...this was getting good, love Italian men.
This story seems a little rushed. Try to flesh out the characters more. Also, consider finding a volunteer editor.
It seem comical
I love this story. That fact the Chloe plus size and Damian is so into her in bonus. I also enjoy their raw sexuality. I look foward to reading more.
I love it so far!! I like that she is a fluffy girl!!
I csnt wsit to read Ch 2
I like any story where a plus size girl can hold her own! And a fine ass man is into her for being confident! Please do not let this story disappear before you. Finish it
I know I'm late but I second Kitty's statement although I doubt I would have left ;)
Wack wack wack whack wack wack wack whack oh and your story is WACK! As if a fat ugly black bitch would get a guy like that.
Why is it hard to believe an attractive man would be interested in a BBW?? IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY .....freak.
Any who, I've read this before. Second time around. The old anon comment just irked my nerve enough this time around for me to leave a reply for it..he he
Love the story by the way :)
Right, so it all happened too fast..sloooooooow it down
Wack whack wack wacky wack wack
wham bam thank you mam
The speed was fine for me I hate stories that drag oooon.
Please write more, your an amazing writer and I love Damian.
His personality is so strong, intense and hot...hmm.
Loved it! It made me laugh and it turned me on and it made me want to read more. Can't ask for much more than that. Thanks!
I stopped as soon as I read she couldn't believe this white guy was attracted to her - a black woman. Gtfoh with that bullshit. White men hit on black women ALL THE TIME. ALL the time. That was some low self-esteem bullshit.
@FireDiamond It depends on where you are. As a Black Woman in NYC where I was born and raised it happened but I'm in FL and it doesn't happen very often. . .
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