I like the narrator. I like the playful menace, the spare language, but her characterization is confused and contradictory. You should stick with the menacing, mocking tone.
Anna is not well-defined either. Making the women more consistent would greatly improve the story.
One of the problems with this kind of story, the cfnm tease, is that the man tends to disappear into an empty caricature. There's nothing for him to do but obey, and snivel along with a facade of embarrassment.
by
Anonymous03/28/10
It's just a really erotic short-story. You can't start developing every character in a short-story, and in this one it would get in the way of the eroticism.
In the previous comment, there seems to be some defensiveness about the male character being a caricature - maybe that's the point of the story. He's just overwhelmed with all the pussy, tits and asses on the internet.
I'm waiting for the next part.
by
Anonymous03/28/10
It's just a really erotic short-story. You can't start developing every character in a short-story, and in this one it would get in the way of the eroticism.
In the previous comment, there seems to be some defensiveness about the male character being a caricature - maybe that's the point of the story. He's just overwhelmed with all the pussy, tits and asses on the internet.
I'm waiting for the next part.
by
Anonymous03/28/10
It's just a really erotic short-story. You can't start developing every character in a short-story, and in this one it would get in the way of the eroticism.
In the previous comment, there seems to be some defensiveness about the male character being a caricature - maybe that's the point of the story. He's just overwhelmed with all the pussy, tits and asses on the internet.
A very well written story. A lot of writers of erotica use too much over the top verbiage and overblown language- 'purple' prose so to speak. This story does not- which makes the erotic work so well.
English
I like the narrator. I like the playful menace, the spare language, but her characterization is confused and contradictory. You should stick with the menacing, mocking tone.
Anna is not well-defined either. Making the women more consistent would greatly improve the story.
One of the problems with this kind of story, the cfnm tease, is that the man tends to disappear into an empty caricature. There's nothing for him to do but obey, and snivel along with a facade of embarrassment.
It's just a really erotic short-story. You can't start developing every character in a short-story, and in this one it would get in the way of the eroticism.
In the previous comment, there seems to be some defensiveness about the male character being a caricature - maybe that's the point of the story. He's just overwhelmed with all the pussy, tits and asses on the internet.
I'm waiting for the next part.
It's just a really erotic short-story. You can't start developing every character in a short-story, and in this one it would get in the way of the eroticism.
In the previous comment, there seems to be some defensiveness about the male character being a caricature - maybe that's the point of the story. He's just overwhelmed with all the pussy, tits and asses on the internet.
I'm waiting for the next part.
It's just a really erotic short-story. You can't start developing every character in a short-story, and in this one it would get in the way of the eroticism.
In the previous comment, there seems to be some defensiveness about the male character being a caricature - maybe that's the point of the story. He's just overwhelmed with all the pussy, tits and asses on the internet.
I'm waiting for the next part.
Please, more
Delicious!! Bravo!! Encore!!
Good writing, very erotic.
A very well written story. A lot of writers of erotica use too much over the top verbiage and overblown language- 'purple' prose so to speak. This story does not- which makes the erotic work so well.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Stroking Him for Anna or
More submissions by garlattigirl2.