The story starts off very nicely, however it falters as you go along. I noticed a few logical and factual errors - perhaps having a second set of eyes would help.
It needed SERIOUS editing. Types of words, sections just didn't make sense, etc. But it has potential. After you write another one, go over it better and seek out an editor for they are really easy to find on here.
Despite some of the negative criticism, this story caught the attention of at least ten previous people.
Most of the commentary isn't all rough though. And despite the fact that Earth Day is celebrated one day out of the whole calendar year, sex and lust are celebrated... well... 'Is there such a day as "Sex Day"?'; enough said about that. I read this story because it precedes your most recent submission and discovered I like it for a few reasons: 1] You need at lead-in somehow; Why not Earth Day. Very earthy because feet never left the ground... the only thing that flew was come and lusty emotions soared. 2] Slow paced, not rushed and gave me the feeling that you might write more to this story at a later time. 3] I thought the masturbation scenes were realistically erotic and sexy.
by
Anonymous02/16/13
a really good story of hot motherfucking!
Max is a good boy, a good and hard boy! And what he's hard for is his own mother's mommy-hole, that wonderful hole between his mother's legs that he came into the world from. He puts the moves on mom, she resists at first, but down deep mom's as excited by her boy's stiff 8-incher as he is by his mother's cunt. Max slides his fat prick up his mommy's sweet coochie, pounds away as mom cums like crazy, and her boy finally unloads his hot young balls up where his big doses of creamy sperm belong. A truly heartwarming story of a hot incestuous fuck.
English
Are you serious?
Is this story supposed to be erotic? To who...morons?
different
i still liked could not be true but still good relationship with mom and son
Eight inches is HUGE in a fiveeight tall guy
Pay attention to proportion!Don´t believe in all that crap out there about ten inches!
Not bad
Good luck in the contest.
A good first post
A son's fantasy for sure and a good Earth Day entry.
Good luck in the contest and hope to see more of your work, maybe another chapter of this mom and her son.
Thanks
forget about writing
earthday and all that bullshit and sex dont mix.....period....u should just stop writing erotica.....and save some space on the server for others....
Good story
I enjoyed the story very much. Looking forward to the rest of earth week. Keep on writng.
Ok but...
The story starts off very nicely, however it falters as you go along. I noticed a few logical and factual errors - perhaps having a second set of eyes would help.
This story had potential BUT
It needed SERIOUS editing. Types of words, sections just didn't make sense, etc. But it has potential. After you write another one, go over it better and seek out an editor for they are really easy to find on here.
Fun Story
Enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for your effort. Keep writing.
Despite some of the negative criticism, this story caught the attention of at least ten previous people.
Most of the commentary isn't all rough though. And despite the fact that Earth Day is celebrated one day out of the whole calendar year, sex and lust are celebrated... well... 'Is there such a day as "Sex Day"?'; enough said about that. I read this story because it precedes your most recent submission and discovered I like it for a few reasons: 1] You need at lead-in somehow; Why not Earth Day. Very earthy because feet never left the ground... the only thing that flew was come and lusty emotions soared. 2] Slow paced, not rushed and gave me the feeling that you might write more to this story at a later time. 3] I thought the masturbation scenes were realistically erotic and sexy.
a really good story of hot motherfucking!
Max is a good boy, a good and hard boy! And what he's hard for is his own mother's mommy-hole, that wonderful hole between his mother's legs that he came into the world from. He puts the moves on mom, she resists at first, but down deep mom's as excited by her boy's stiff 8-incher as he is by his mother's cunt. Max slides his fat prick up his mommy's sweet coochie, pounds away as mom cums like crazy, and her boy finally unloads his hot young balls up where his big doses of creamy sperm belong. A truly heartwarming story of a hot incestuous fuck.
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