Slippery Sister

Great start.....

.......with more to come - we hope!

More Please

Please do not be a tease like Cat.

Great!

A few grammatical errors, but easy reading.
Pls continue (and get to the hot stuff!).

great start

please dont keep us hanging it was just getting to the good part

Very good first part.

Loved reading this story, please continue. I can't wait to read the next part.

Great start!!

good but

good but the title had nothing to do with the story so far

A Great Beginning

Well done, and has the makings of a good series of chapters. So, do not keep us waiting to long.

CONTINUE!

Please? This story is looking hot! Great job so far!

Great beginning

The title says it - a great beginning - especially for a first timer. Don't let this be your only submission!

GREAT START way too short though

Great start

As others have said, it's a great start... can't wait to see where this is headed.

Very nice start

I like where this is going. I think the next one needs to be longer and have more description, but you have the beginning of something very good here.

I hope to read the next chapter soon.

Great Story

I love it. Please keep writing.

Not a bad start at all!

I agree there needs to be both length and descriptive additions but overall the writing is quite good. The setup's intriguing enough. Definitely tell us more!

Well done

Well done, can't wait for the next chapter...

Oh you devil !

How dare you keep me in suspense . I can tell this is gonig to be one great , hot story . Great intro . Thanks

One Hot story

well, i believe there's nothing under the stars where nothing was ever not written before...its how you tackle the story and brings it out to us readers...a display of writing skills and persona. Well done! Hope to see latest chapter!

Good Read

A great start to what should be an excellent story. I liked the way you built the erotic suspense. An excellent first effort look forward to reading the rest.

Very good start BUT....

My issue with this type of approach is due to one's life outside of Literotica (reader and writer) you can go days, months, or even years before you can write the second part. And lets just say it was 24hrs later that you got the second part in. Some of us (myself included) will forget what you wrote before and will either say "screw it" and move on, or have to re-read the previous story/part just to get an idea of what this is all about. I don't mind chapters, but when you post something, take it to the point where they at least do the act and cum. Then you did at least enough to keep the reader intrigued. Right now this is nothing more than a tease, and teases like in sex are only good for that moment. There are many minutes and hours in a day, and what you story did for us was gives us a small tease that we will probably forget and go on our day or go onto a story where they realize you should write till at least you get to the act itself and finish meaning cum. From there then you can focus on part 2 or whatever. So I will give you a 2. I liked how it was written, and it got my interest, but way too short to post. You should have added the rest before posting.

too much wind up, not enough pitch

learn grammar, spelling and punctuation. Find a volunteer editor to review before posting.

Very arousing

I look forward to the next entry. I also must vehemently disagree with motherfucker74. I LOVE the teasing. I also disagree with the previous anonymous commenter.

Thanks

Thank you all. I don't mind bad feedback. I'm here to learn and improve.

I submitted more 3 days ago.

Good story so far.

Good story so far but you might want to get an editor to double check your story for you.

I noticed that, while most of your story is in the simple past, you slipped once to present tense. "I get to Cathy's room, the door's wide open and she's lying on her stomach, reading a magazine, humming and she's completely naked"

To fit with the rest of the story, that should have been "When I got to Cathy's room, the door was wide open and she was lying on her stomach, reading a magazine, humming and completely naked"

I changed the text a bit to make it flow better.

no back ground

this is like reading a three or four chapter book and skipping the first chapter and stoppiing half way through the second. in other words not in postable condition this is nothing but a first draft delete the series and start over using a good editor this time around.

DBRS

Fucking Rubbish

Dont bother writing any more

Really enjoyable

I'm really enjoying this series. Great build-up! Keep up the good work, please!

very nicely done

That was a really great story got my cock aching to cum need another chapter of that one good job!!!🙆