- All
Comments (4) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Loving It
Enjoying your new tale and look forward to the rest.
Many events are lively and others sad. Life is like that and this journey I think will cover many aspects of life.
Thanks for time, talent and willingness to share.
Well it's fun to read!
What more can you ask for?
Thanks for writing!
Man oh Man
I wish I had your problems.
I wouldn't be calling it a problems in the first place.
And it totally sucks that this has only 4 chapters to go.
Damn you write a great story, and one of my favorite categories too.
Buildup --- Tragedy --- Fun and Games ...
Whats wrong with this chain ?
As I said in the previous chapter you open this huge can of Worms with killing a main character etc. but then you simply abandon that storyline and continue a fluffy fun and games style story. It just doesn't work!
The reader is left emotionally agitated by the bomb you just dropped on him and now he has to forget about all that and indulge in stupid erotic scenes. I don't say the erotic scenes are bad just that you should decide if you want to write a shallow but fun masturbation story or a heavy tearjerker tragedy. You can't have both in such a short Story.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to 2008 Ch. 06 or
More submissions by Scorpio44a.