When i saw this story posted, i honestly couldnt believe it! It has been so long since you posted, i was just shocked at first. BUT, i want to say i loved this chapter!!! Actually, i love this story! I missed reading it so much. Please dont keep us waiting for the next chapter(s). PLEASEEEEEE
by
Anonymous05/01/10
Like the story
One suggestion, you might try adding a line of dashes or something between the POV changes. A few times I had to go back and re-read when I didn't realize the change.
by
Anonymous05/01/10
Good chapter
It was a good chapter overall but it definitely needs some markers to indicate the POV changes. Got a little confused between some chapters.
but it was waaaaaay too short. I expected more after 4 months wait. The storyline is interesting but the shift between points of view is confusing and the changing tenses are distracting. I would like to read more of this story. If it's coming quickly, I can overlook some editing mistakes. If it takes months to write 1 (lit) page, I would hope it would be polished. But you get what you get. I'll still look out for the next chapter.
cant wait to see how this plays out, you should change up the font or write whos talking when because i got a bit lost when it changed from him talking to her.
by
Anonymous05/12/10
dang
i must agree i thought it would be more. you keep leaving me on the edge no fair. hope u post another one real soon can't take the wait.
by
Anonymous06/07/10
Love it!!!
I love it! Please continue!!
by
Anonymous10/10/11
And now...
...the rapist/murderer saves her life, making him a 'hero'.
If you don't like this "cliche" "genre", then don't read it.
by
Anonymous02/11/12
Am I the only one
that is super confused at the change of character? You don't give a signal that you will immediately change to what the other person is thinking. I am sorry but this chapter is really messy, errors of construction and grammar are littered all through it. You need to be a little more explicit when you change from one point of view to the other.
by
Anonymous03/29/12
Narrator
I found it hard to follow when the point of view changed between the two main characters; it might be a good idea to put three dots in between the paragraphs so that the reader knows the narrator has changed. Keep up the good work :)
At first I didn't like how it seemed like he would rape her and the comment about keeping her in a cage with a collar on if she didn't kiss him BUT then you showed us what he was thinking and then you showed how he was really a kind person because instead of claiming her since he had technically caught her albeit after she was harmed, he took her back to make sure she didn't die and that she was okay.
Good story line so far but most of it was difficult to read. You need indications of when one character starts and when an other character begins. Also, you need to do some spell checks.
English
To Long
this is a great story,but a little short.Please dont make us wait so long for the next part.
OMG YES!!!
When i saw this story posted, i honestly couldnt believe it! It has been so long since you posted, i was just shocked at first. BUT, i want to say i loved this chapter!!! Actually, i love this story! I missed reading it so much. Please dont keep us waiting for the next chapter(s). PLEASEEEEEE
Like the story
One suggestion, you might try adding a line of dashes or something between the POV changes. A few times I had to go back and re-read when I didn't realize the change.
Good chapter
It was a good chapter overall but it definitely needs some markers to indicate the POV changes. Got a little confused between some chapters.
good story
needs a form of breaking the points of view definatly and also a little more spacing between paragraphs
YES!!
I was so happy to see a new chapter!! Your story is one of the best! I can't wait for the next one!! Thank you, thank you!!
more please
please write more soon
Glad for the new chapter
but it was waaaaaay too short. I expected more after 4 months wait. The storyline is interesting but the shift between points of view is confusing and the changing tenses are distracting. I would like to read more of this story. If it's coming quickly, I can overlook some editing mistakes. If it takes months to write 1 (lit) page, I would hope it would be polished. But you get what you get. I'll still look out for the next chapter.
ei
more please.... :)
ooo
cant wait to see how this plays out, you should change up the font or write whos talking when because i got a bit lost when it changed from him talking to her.
dang
i must agree i thought it would be more. you keep leaving me on the edge no fair. hope u post another one real soon can't take the wait.
Love it!!!
I love it! Please continue!!
And now...
...the rapist/murderer saves her life, making him a 'hero'.
How sadly predictable for this genre.
Of course...
He saves her from something and now all is forgiven. So cliche.
Sheesh
If you don't like this "cliche" "genre", then don't read it.
Am I the only one
that is super confused at the change of character? You don't give a signal that you will immediately change to what the other person is thinking. I am sorry but this chapter is really messy, errors of construction and grammar are littered all through it. You need to be a little more explicit when you change from one point of view to the other.
Narrator
I found it hard to follow when the point of view changed between the two main characters; it might be a good idea to put three dots in between the paragraphs so that the reader knows the narrator has changed. Keep up the good work :)
It got good
At first I didn't like how it seemed like he would rape her and the comment about keeping her in a cage with a collar on if she didn't kiss him BUT then you showed us what he was thinking and then you showed how he was really a kind person because instead of claiming her since he had technically caught her albeit after she was harmed, he took her back to make sure she didn't die and that she was okay.
Editor(s) Please
Good story line so far but most of it was difficult to read. You need indications of when one character starts and when an other character begins. Also, you need to do some spell checks.
Overall, you need an editor.
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