All Comments on 'Knight of the Succubus Zero'

"clothe",

"your times .... is",

"the folds of it" => "its folds"

"his wicked blade tipped solid steel pole-arm" => "his steel spear"

"they could all see her her pussy was clean shaved" => "they could all see her hairless (bald?) pussy" (how would they know it was shaved?)

"negligee" is a modern word - try "transparent silk"?

You should get an editor. They are available on Lit.

Good build up. Let's see more!

You left me wanting more. I liked what I've read so far.

I think the first comment is a bit too harsh. While the criticism is technically correct, I found that the oddities did not distract from the story itself, which was very good. So - don't give up, just try to improve a bit in future chapters. This one was a good start.

You know if you having grammar/spelling problems you can always try to request an editor and see if anyone volunteers to help you out man by prereading.

pleace keep going