You must teach me how to do that. I can already envisage sending text massages over my cell phone.
And when you 'through' her off... Wow!!!
Sorry for the sarcasm but all these blunders make your story appear like pubescent outpourings and no more than wishful thinking.
by
Anonymous02/08/11
IMMATURE
Far too many spelling mistakes, bad grammar, repeated use of the same phrases. Massaging not messaging, threw not through.
Go back to school
by
Anonymous11/29/12
Fucking awesome'
I'm totally wanting to find a hot older woman to go fucking crazy fucking!
I fucked my neighbour for quite awhile till I knocked her up, being that she never had a guy at the time, I knew it was mine but she said she wouldn't tell my parents if I kept on fucking her, which I agreed to and fucked 4 kids out her before she up and moved away one day never to be seen or heard from again. That was 30 years ago, I still miss her big tits and tite pussy.
by
Anonymous03/13/14
hey anonomous
anonomous feels really proud of himself, to be such a freeloader off this woman on welfare
Very much like what my husband told me happened to him with a lady he babysat for. She seduced him over several weeks of babysitting a few times a week. The black dress zipping almost word for word like Bill's experience.
This story is a perfect example of why someone other than the author should proof read stories before they are submitted.
.
by
Anonymous06/20/14
The Answer to any teens dreams
What guy teen or older is not impressed by big tits and a woman's ass? This is an interesting story that deserves to have another chapter or two added for my satisfaction!
"My husband and I's"???? Really??? When did anyone in any English class tell you "I's" was a proper contraction?? Story is pretty good but all the grammatical mistakes make it hard to read
"I took one giant tit in each hand and began messaging them"
by
Anonymous08/21/15
The story was fine.
I would agree with other's comments, it did need more careful editing. I also think it would have benefitted from getting in Mrs. Jensen's head; why is she digging the kid?
Not well written as others have stated - but a great idea. Filling in the main characters would help in your next story and use a spelling and grammar checker will certainly help with the complainers - but keep your ideas 'cumin' for us! We will read your script!
I enjoyed the basic premise of the story until I ran into the word "grinded", not such word and that really interrupts the enjoyment like a bucket of cold water. Helped recover a little when he "barebacked" her pussy.
This story reads like hundreds of others. The MILF has big boobs and a shaved pussy. (Like a porn star.) Big boobs either sag or they are fake. Either is a turnoff.
What's with the MILF in a bikini? Try something new.
His hot older neighbor lady gave him all he wished for - - - it wasn't even Christmas. You, the author, get five stars for your holiday of writing.
by
Anonymous03/25/16
u must have a small dick
why do you keep saying 7inch dick thats not really ever big unless in real life you actually have a real small dick is that why you kept saying 7 inches ,you need to proof read befor posting lots or errors
Other than the spelling/grammar errors, I liked the story. I feel bad, though, that all their kids are handicapped. How else would you explain that none of them woke up when their mom and their babysitter started yelling at the top of their lungs? One can only surmise that the kids are deaf.
Enjoyed your story, which could only be improved with a continuation of the boy fucking the MILF again, and again. I really liked the MILF giving her conquest her black panties, to ensure he would have something to play with until she called him back for more. Thanx for the read, I'm going on to Chapter 2.
I got my intro from the landlady of the pub where I worked when I waS 15. sADLY SHE IS LONG GONE BUT i REMEMBER HER WITH REAL GRATITUDE AND LOVE.
by
Anonymous05/24/16
7 is big
Anonymous above claimed that 7 inch is not big. Since 5 inches is average, 7 obviously is big. All you people who keep confusing sex with record seeking are missing a lot, and never experienced a good orgasm.
If you keep on ranking it means the sex you have is not good enough, or you would never even think this way, but instead think "she/he/hers/his is the best".
Ever been in love, amazed, or blown away? Nobody starts to make a study then or starts to measure or assess things. Making things bigger and more extreme is not going to help your lack of pleasure, it's like keeping eating more food you don't really enjoy hoping for more satisfaction.
Change the food and eating conditions, not the quantity.
by
Anonymous05/26/16
Yeah.
"Yeah" is American slang for "yes" and "oh, my, yes!" (You know, what any Red Blooded American boy says when he finds that the MILF for whom he has been lust wants him almost as badly.)
"Ya, ya" is what Scandinavians say when someone says something with which they agree.
Sorry to niggle here over spelling. You're on the right track. Keep writing. A little closer proof reading & a few less exclamation marks and I would give you a five instead of a four. Thanks for sharing.
DOUG out
One error not pointed out, so far, is "titts" instead of "tits".
However, of all the errors pointed out, "grinded" is not one of them. To wrdbtchr, who said, "I enjoyed the basic premise of the story until I ran into the word 'grinded', not such word...", better get out your dictionary. You'll find "grinded" is an accepted British variation of the past tense of grind. Yeah, it sounds klunky to American ears, but it is a perfectly valid word. BTW, "...not such word..."?
by
Anonymous11/20/16
I had no idea.
Came here to leave a comment on "
Wow! I'm messaging her ass and she thinks it feels good!"
Still leaving the comment obviously but hopefully the previous comments have made you aware that it does matter. An author who doesnt know words is hard to take seriously.
Worth the work too.
The story is fine, and even writing from the point of view of a dumb, horny teenager is fine, but you still have to write in recognizable English. It's Literotica, not Illiterotica.
If this sounds harsh, so be it. The spelling, grammar, syntax, and punctuation are truly that bad.
by
Anonymous01/22/17
One more piece of picky advise
Never ever use "Hahaha!" to show someone laughing in your writing. This sounds childish and you never see any published authors use "Hahaha" to refer to someone laughing. Instead use he,she,or they laughed.
by
Anonymous02/21/17
A happy reminder of my youth
About 60 years ago I babysat for my aunts friend. She was 22 and I was 17. Her husband was in the Navy and it was girls night at the bazaar. She came home "loaded" to the gills and VERY friendly, SO friendly I didn't leave till the next morning. OH, to be young again!! Just keep the story going. It is good!!!
by
Anonymous02/24/17
Good Concept
This is pure and simple porn, infantile, basic and primordial and you care about English? As you say, this is Literotica. Don't lose the sense of proportions, man!
English
I really liked the T&A 'messaging'
You must teach me how to do that. I can already envisage sending text massages over my cell phone.
And when you 'through' her off... Wow!!!
Sorry for the sarcasm but all these blunders make your story appear like pubescent outpourings and no more than wishful thinking.
IMMATURE
Far too many spelling mistakes, bad grammar, repeated use of the same phrases. Massaging not messaging, threw not through.
Go back to school
Fucking awesome'
I'm totally wanting to find a hot older woman to go fucking crazy fucking!
What a lucky bugger.
Great story.
Is there a chance of more?
This happened to me when I was this age
I fucked my neighbour for quite awhile till I knocked her up, being that she never had a guy at the time, I knew it was mine but she said she wouldn't tell my parents if I kept on fucking her, which I agreed to and fucked 4 kids out her before she up and moved away one day never to be seen or heard from again. That was 30 years ago, I still miss her big tits and tite pussy.
hey anonomous
anonomous feels really proud of himself, to be such a freeloader off this woman on welfare
Nice story
Very much like what my husband told me happened to him with a lady he babysat for. She seduced him over several weeks of babysitting a few times a week. The black dress zipping almost word for word like Bill's experience.
It was really hard to read
This story is a perfect example of why someone other than the author should proof read stories before they are submitted.
.
The Answer to any teens dreams
What guy teen or older is not impressed by big tits and a woman's ass? This is an interesting story that deserves to have another chapter or two added for my satisfaction!
Oh yes!
Fucking a friends mom is always good!
fantastic story
great story, well written, rings true! I have a sexy wife I'd love to share
m_w_k2005@yahoo.com
Well done
Now he needs to own her and make her beg. But he shouldn't share her or tell anyone. Let her find the young girls for him.
Why ...
... do you keep using the word "through" instead of the correct homonym "threw"??
Very disconcerting.
Need an editor for sure
"My husband and I's"???? Really??? When did anyone in any English class tell you "I's" was a proper contraction?? Story is pretty good but all the grammatical mistakes make it hard to read
good stuff, room for improvement.
"Oh shit, did I kill her?" - This line made me laugh.
But it was a story, just a few misspelled words and strange sentencing. As a lover of milfs, I look forward to the nexy installment.
nothing quite like a verbal assault on
or a text to,
a breast. lol
"I took one giant tit in each hand and began messaging them"
The story was fine.
I would agree with other's comments, it did need more careful editing. I also think it would have benefitted from getting in Mrs. Jensen's head; why is she digging the kid?
Very hot
Not well written as others have stated - but a great idea. Filling in the main characters would help in your next story and use a spelling and grammar checker will certainly help with the complainers - but keep your ideas 'cumin' for us! We will read your script!
Good story
I enjoyed the basic premise of the story until I ran into the word "grinded", not such word and that really interrupts the enjoyment like a bucket of cold water. Helped recover a little when he "barebacked" her pussy.
Trite
This story reads like hundreds of others. The MILF has big boobs and a shaved pussy. (Like a porn star.) Big boobs either sag or they are fake. Either is a turnoff.
What's with the MILF in a bikini? Try something new.
Got His Dream
His hot older neighbor lady gave him all he wished for - - - it wasn't even Christmas. You, the author, get five stars for your holiday of writing.
u must have a small dick
why do you keep saying 7inch dick thats not really ever big unless in real life you actually have a real small dick is that why you kept saying 7 inches ,you need to proof read befor posting lots or errors
Other than the spelling/grammar errors, I liked the story. I feel bad, though, that all their kids are handicapped. How else would you explain that none of them woke up when their mom and their babysitter started yelling at the top of their lungs? One can only surmise that the kids are deaf.
Nicely told
A good story very well told*****
Good Story
Enjoyed your story, which could only be improved with a continuation of the boy fucking the MILF again, and again. I really liked the MILF giving her conquest her black panties, to ensure he would have something to play with until she called him back for more. Thanx for the read, I'm going on to Chapter 2.
dream intro to sex
I got my intro from the landlady of the pub where I worked when I waS 15. sADLY SHE IS LONG GONE BUT i REMEMBER HER WITH REAL GRATITUDE AND LOVE.
7 is big
Anonymous above claimed that 7 inch is not big. Since 5 inches is average, 7 obviously is big. All you people who keep confusing sex with record seeking are missing a lot, and never experienced a good orgasm.
If you keep on ranking it means the sex you have is not good enough, or you would never even think this way, but instead think "she/he/hers/his is the best".
Ever been in love, amazed, or blown away? Nobody starts to make a study then or starts to measure or assess things. Making things bigger and more extreme is not going to help your lack of pleasure, it's like keeping eating more food you don't really enjoy hoping for more satisfaction.
Change the food and eating conditions, not the quantity.
Yeah.
"Yeah" is American slang for "yes" and "oh, my, yes!" (You know, what any Red Blooded American boy says when he finds that the MILF for whom he has been lust wants him almost as badly.)
"Ya, ya" is what Scandinavians say when someone says something with which they agree.
Sorry to niggle here over spelling. You're on the right track. Keep writing. A little closer proof reading & a few less exclamation marks and I would give you a five instead of a four. Thanks for sharing.
DOUG out
As has been pointed out...
It needs a good proofreader/editor to go over it.
One error not pointed out, so far, is "titts" instead of "tits".
However, of all the errors pointed out, "grinded" is not one of them. To wrdbtchr, who said, "I enjoyed the basic premise of the story until I ran into the word 'grinded', not such word...", better get out your dictionary. You'll find "grinded" is an accepted British variation of the past tense of grind. Yeah, it sounds klunky to American ears, but it is a perfectly valid word. BTW, "...not such word..."?
I had no idea.
Came here to leave a comment on "
Wow! I'm messaging her ass and she thinks it feels good!"
Still leaving the comment obviously but hopefully the previous comments have made you aware that it does matter. An author who doesnt know words is hard to take seriously.
Worth the work too.
Good concept
The story is fine, and even writing from the point of view of a dumb, horny teenager is fine, but you still have to write in recognizable English. It's Literotica, not Illiterotica.
If this sounds harsh, so be it. The spelling, grammar, syntax, and punctuation are truly that bad.
One more piece of picky advise
Never ever use "Hahaha!" to show someone laughing in your writing. This sounds childish and you never see any published authors use "Hahaha" to refer to someone laughing. Instead use he,she,or they laughed.
A happy reminder of my youth
About 60 years ago I babysat for my aunts friend. She was 22 and I was 17. Her husband was in the Navy and it was girls night at the bazaar. She came home "loaded" to the gills and VERY friendly, SO friendly I didn't leave till the next morning. OH, to be young again!! Just keep the story going. It is good!!!
Good Concept
This is pure and simple porn, infantile, basic and primordial and you care about English? As you say, this is Literotica. Don't lose the sense of proportions, man!
Enjoyable
Fun story. More please!!
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