The story itself isn't bad, but the writing style wasn't all that great. It felt stiff and formal, particularly the dialogue. Perhaps English isn't your first language? If not, you definitely did a great job, but for story-telling it should be more relaxed. Using more contractions is one way to help achieve a relaxed tone.
More description about what the main characters look like would be good, too. (You don't actually have to describe anyone you know; use your imagination to add some flavor to the piece.)
Also, describing the scenery would great for us readers, too. Obviously we understand the general location is subtropical/tropical and in a coastal area. However, a brief layout of "Megan's" house and where each of the scenes are located would make the story flow better. (Where did they end up having sex? On the couch in the living room? Or does Megan has a TV in her bedroom where she took the DVD? Plus, what table did she find it on? Kitchen? Dining room? Coffee table?)
by
Anonymous05/17/10
Fantastic
Fantastic story, very well written. Can't wait to read more!
by
Anonymous11/06/10
Anonymous
Good story even though it was near rape factor, he was dreaming of her brother. Looking forward to more of this Lady's very interesting story
I don't like that he assaulted his sister as attracted as I might be to my little sister I could never force her. I might convince her other ways though lol. More detail would be appreciated especially in the sex scenes pls but I can't wait to see where this all goes.
by
Anonymous11/13/11
sisters are always helpful. when I told my sister that my penis erects at the time of seeing a particular girl, she hold my penis and sucked. at night we slept naked and fondled each other's sex organs. by doing this she cooled my heat.
Nice
Very sexy indeed. Keep it coming. If this is indeed true, it just makes it better!!!
Very nice so far. Would love to see how it ends. Keep it coming.
Fantastic
please write more hot n sensuous
Wish it was longer.
You have a great story here. I actually liked that it was forceful. Most cases of incest are not entirely consensual so it fits well in this genre.
More please:
May be rape. He may be an asshole. Still it is a brother sister fuck so it is in the proper category, Incest/Taboo.
more
would like to see how the sister feels after the first encounter rape or not her mind was already there and she was begging mentaly
Not bad
The story itself isn't bad, but the writing style wasn't all that great. It felt stiff and formal, particularly the dialogue. Perhaps English isn't your first language? If not, you definitely did a great job, but for story-telling it should be more relaxed. Using more contractions is one way to help achieve a relaxed tone.
More description about what the main characters look like would be good, too. (You don't actually have to describe anyone you know; use your imagination to add some flavor to the piece.)
Also, describing the scenery would great for us readers, too. Obviously we understand the general location is subtropical/tropical and in a coastal area. However, a brief layout of "Megan's" house and where each of the scenes are located would make the story flow better. (Where did they end up having sex? On the couch in the living room? Or does Megan has a TV in her bedroom where she took the DVD? Plus, what table did she find it on? Kitchen? Dining room? Coffee table?)
Fantastic
Fantastic story, very well written. Can't wait to read more!
Anonymous
Good story even though it was near rape factor, he was dreaming of her brother. Looking forward to more of this Lady's very interesting story
Loved it all
Great Story; can't wait for more!
Good start
I don't like that he assaulted his sister as attracted as I might be to my little sister I could never force her. I might convince her other ways though lol. More detail would be appreciated especially in the sex scenes pls but I can't wait to see where this all goes.
sisters are always helpful. when I told my sister that my penis erects at the time of seeing a particular girl, she hold my penis and sucked. at night we slept naked and fondled each other's sex organs. by doing this she cooled my heat.
Can't wait for the next chapter. Great story.
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