Forced Fuck

you need an editor

this story would greatly benefit from having an editor or at least someone to proofread it.

.

This was absolutely horseshit. Bad writing, bad grammar, bad story layout, bad dialog.

Don't write anymore.

Congratulations

Your story was chosen for highlighting on the Story Feedback thread under Andtheend.

I gave you a five vote for your first effort.

Editing Editing Editing

I honestly can't say if the story was good or not. I gave up after the first few paragraphs due to the horrendous grammar. Please take this as constructive criticism. Grammar and spelling matter. Have someone proofread and edit your stories.

5 STARS - Great Job!

I don't expect anyone who writes into Literotica to be a novelist, this is about writting something EROTIC! and you did it. Keep up the writting, I hope you will wrtie about a threesome with her friend and even including the friends father in a foursome and have them exchange fathers. Thanks!

unbelievable

Although the grammer, spelling and typos are pretty bad, the story idea was pretty good. The sex depictions in it however lead me to believe the writer is not sexually experienced. I really doubt that this person is much over 12 years old. I am not certain they should be on this site (yet).

As for a writing future, keep it up and never let anyone tell you to stop writing. There are a lot worse jobs on here written by a lot older people than you. Constructive is always better than destructive advice!

Could We Have It In English, Please?

Unreadable!

Are all the stories in this genre....

....this stupid?

Has Potential

The skeleton of the story is solid. With an editor or just another person to read through it, most if not all errors would be fixed. Another idea, just write the story then walk away from it for a day or two. Come back to the story and read with a freasher set of eyes. Story even has the makings of being multi-chaptered. Keep at this, you have the potential to be fantastic. And forget about the haters, they are nothing more than ignorant asses:)
~~Sara

one hand

I got say , I think had be a guy whom wrote it, and he used one hand to type it out, the other was around his Mr Johnson that where the brain was at the time!
at 9ins of it LOL

Loved it!

I'm not sure what the rest of you are talking about because I loved it!

It was good. Some spelling errors though.

i thougfht it was great; never been so hard in my life.

:)

Loved it!!!!

nice

her friends next for telling her to do that

very hot

i would give anything to do this with my 20 year old daughter