All Comments  for

Could It Be?

byzia27©
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Comments (8)
by Anonymous

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by avrgblkgrl05/27/10

Nice Start

You are off to a good start with the tension you have created. The sections where they talk to themselves is a bit awkward and distracting. If you cold show us or work it in more naturely it would be smoother. I look foeward to reading the rest.

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by grunabona05/27/10

*****

I think a good editor could help you, but I liked your first effort a lot. There was something very charming about it.

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by StarMAP05/27/10

Oh my word! I'm Xhosa too!!

Wow! This is the first South African story I'm coming across in all the years I've been reading from Lit. . It appeals to me coz I understand how the past still affects how people behave towards each other to this day. I look forward to seeing more of it.

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by Otazel05/27/10

Excellent.

Your story is excellent, that's the only way to describe it. Yeah, okay, maybe it didn't flow quite as smoothly as it might have and maybe an editor could have improved it, but that's to do with the technicality of writing and not the imagery of storytelling. Anyone who has ever fancied someone they shouldn't have, be it across racial lines, religious lines, class lines or any other so-called barrier, will be able to identify with your characters. Well done.

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by Anonymous02/03/12

Great start

Cant wait to read the next chapter.

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by Alpha_Marm02/06/12

interesting start

Intriguing ..............Afrikaner man........Xhosa woman........folks can't help where the heart leads. It is amazing where more often than not.

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by Anonymous03/29/12

On the Fence...

I'm on the fence about this story. I don't know why, but her name is irritating me. Oh well, on to Chapter 2. Sigh.

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Hot and spicy! !

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