Chalk and Cheese Ch. 08

More Please Fast

Im in love with this story and cant get enough of Carrie and Frances they are so funny. Please don't keep me waiting for more chapters.

*****

Excellent. Looking forward to Mike's story.

What? This can't be the end...

I understand that Mike deserves his own story but to leave this one at a cliff hangar is just wrong. Thanks, I did really enjoy the story.. Looking forward to reading more about why Mike is in jail. I hope he hurt bit not killed Roni because that bitch had it coming to show up to pick her children up with her lover...the f...ing whore. Thanks

Cliffhanger!!

How could you leave us hanging like this?
I can't get enough of Tori and Greg, Please start Mike story soon.
I just love this story.

WHOA at the cliffhanger, but wonderful update and finish!!!!

You can't help but to love the banter between Carrie and Francis so cute. So gald that Tory and Greg made up, love their ending and glad to see that she trust in him enough and herself to let their love grow despite everything else. Hopefully, they will make it down the aisle. Hell, I hope we get to see Carrie and Francis finally make it down the aisle! Let's just make it a double wedding!!!...lol. Glad to know Mike finally has some balls and hopefully he took the bat to both Roni and Lucas, the nerve of those two. Can't wait to see what twist and turns you lay out next for us in the up and coming stories. Good job and thanks for the explaination on the title, it makes sense

ohh

please please please set that hooch up for a fall. I want that backstabbing woman humiliated and left with nothing but that joke she left her family for.
Greg is love. I want him for myself.

mike's story

i do hope that mikes story also spends time with tori and the rest, because if i think your going where you are going with him, he is going to need everybodies help. oh and thanks for the mention

loved it!!!

and i continue to love this story. nice ending. more please... and yeah i hate Roni!!! :)

Nice

But you're ending this story like this? Say it is not so.

Please continue...

I loved that Greg and Tori got their happy ending. Please continue soon so that a) they can finish what they started i.e. make up sex and b) Mike and the kids can get a happy ending. Looking forward to more. I loved this story! You are v gifted and talented at keeping your readers engaged and coming back for more. Thank you for sharing! =) Alex.

Ha! Nice ending!

Looking forward to your next!

I can't believe it's ended

A lovely ending to a lovely story, but like others who have commented, please hurry with Mike's/Roni's story but please add little snippets of how Tori and Greg are getting on. God this could become a saga and hooray for that if it does.

Great story

I am so happy that Tori and Greg got there HEA. I hope that you will write Mike's story soon. I want to know why he is in jail. I can only guess is because Roni had the nerve to show up to pick up the children with her new man. She is one scandalous bitch. Thanks

Could have been better

I wanted to like this story and I admire this author for the hard work and effort, but here are some problems I had...
1. Shallow one dimensional characters. Specifically, who the hell is Luke?...who knows! Who is Mike...damned if I know. Carrie the lovable ditzy. Even the three main characters, Greg and the two sisters...no sense of who they are...the reasons for their actions...no depth of explanation
2. No real tension...the authors idea of tension...just ONE sentence describing Veronica's assault on Greg... just a silly description of one person hopping and another person going around in circles...COME ON...milk the scene and get your reader interested. In the beginning, just one sentence stating the Victoria to be black...give us some background Elle. This story is littered with missed opportunities.
3. Story...oh so cliched. The story felt like a tired sitcom or a terrible soap opera...tall white boy meets short black girl with evil sister...oh those crazy kids...jeez heard this story before. I felt like the title of the story was more important than the exposition of the story itself. I guess it is a clever title, but was there really such a dramatic difference between the main characters?
4. How about a sense of where they live...I guess London, but where, what neighborhood...give the reader a little sense of the environment.
Sorry I just do not get the enthusiasm for this work. I do see the potential, therefore I did not vote as it seemed so important to this writer to garner positive votes. Furthermore, I admire this author for soliciting criticism, I hope I was not too negative, but I fear I was. I hope there are more stories.

thanks for sharing Elle

Dementoid if u got nothing pleasant to say keep it to urself.

Wonderful

I loved this story it quirky and funny. The cherecters of Greg and Tori were well written. However you did cheat us by not having Tori slap the black out of Roni if she had been my sister i would not be staying at her majesty's pleasure as i would have killed her and him. Well i'm off to read the follow up to this and i hope i enjoy it as much as i did this.

Great Story!

Forget the haters babe, this is one great story. I would have written a scene where Tori knocked Roni's Ass out though! Roni should have been the one arrested and Luke he is an ASS! Mike deserves a woman who will love him and he can love, and also love his children. Roni does not deserve to have any parental rights to them! Thanks for the great story and keep up the good work. KittyOh48

MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!

please say you are going to finish this, loving the series so far and really want to know what happens!
KEEP WRITING

While I...

like this story, I couldn't agree more with everything demantoid said. He/she was spot on with the constructive criticism; from one writer to the next, I would advice against ignoring that review if you're trying to better your writing. But then again, WTF am I? You can do whatever you want.

I'm looking forward to reading the sequel and hope Roni gets the beat down she so truly deserves!

Awwh I'm happy for them!

Next let's see them have a little baby and get married!!

Encourage NOT discourage

This a lovely forum for people trying their hand at writing. Constructive criticism is one thing. It is quite another to be hyper-critical. Enjoy the works and encourage the authors. Consider these nascent efforts accordingly.
It is also only fair to show some BALLS when coming out with guns blazing. Hiding behind anonymity is cowardly. Come correct or don't bother.
Loved the energy in this story and looking forward to Mike's tale.

Is this going to be continued? Please continue!

This story was amazing. I really want to say other things but I am just so in love with the characters. Tori and Greg are like that couple that everyone wants to be friends with. You are an amazing writer

Dialog

I'm a sucker for great dialog and you've provided so much. Great story too!