by butt2luv
Lots of words. Really. You'd benefit from an editor to keep some of those extra, unneccessary words trimmed out of there. Why use 50 words and 3 sentences when you could get the same message across with one sentence and half as many words?
Also, I have no idea what your story has in common with the title you chose for it. Or why it's in the Fetish section. I suppose you'll justify your choices in subsequent chapters, assuming you write them. Perhaps you'll accept a suggestion to at least include hints for things like that instead of 'revealing' that info later?