Your tag line says the spinster is seduced, but she seduces Hadrian. Also, I got the feeling this was set in the past -- Regency England or something like that -- but their speech was pretty current. I like the basic premise, though, esp. since widows and "older" unmarried women have (and sometimes still do) have so many stigma attached to them.
by
Anonymous06/09/10
Didn't get very far.
I couldn't get past the really atrocious grammar. Try reading it again, out loud, without taking breaks where you as the writer know they go but we as the reader do not. It is really hard to make sense when thoughts run together...and it becomes work rather than entertainment. A period should be used in at least 10 places in as many of the first paragraphs instead of a comma. And I am fairly certain she was supposed to be looking at his ass and not that he was looking at the gentleman's ass.
Oh, and a spinster is a woman who grows older and remains single, never marrying. This is a widow.
English
Somewhat confusing
Your tag line says the spinster is seduced, but she seduces Hadrian. Also, I got the feeling this was set in the past -- Regency England or something like that -- but their speech was pretty current. I like the basic premise, though, esp. since widows and "older" unmarried women have (and sometimes still do) have so many stigma attached to them.
Didn't get very far.
I couldn't get past the really atrocious grammar. Try reading it again, out loud, without taking breaks where you as the writer know they go but we as the reader do not. It is really hard to make sense when thoughts run together...and it becomes work rather than entertainment. A period should be used in at least 10 places in as many of the first paragraphs instead of a comma. And I am fairly certain she was supposed to be looking at his ass and not that he was looking at the gentleman's ass.
Oh, and a spinster is a woman who grows older and remains single, never marrying. This is a widow.
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