by masterhypnotist
OK its good, - not great yet. Please get mother and daughter together.\
If you bring in some of mother and daughters friends it will give you much more scope for variations
Almost all of the story was great! However, it ended too abruptly. Other than that, job well done!
Hot story!! Ended too quickly, and having mom/daughter naked together was too much of tease. Other than that, great!
You did a great job, but I feel like the story could be much more with a bit of polishing. It would definitely benefit from an editorial pass. Like others I feel like the ending was abrupt, almost like my wife walked in on me and I had to suddenly stop what I was doing. :-)
You have a good opportunity to add some depth by creating the conflict of choosing his path: will he choose the mom, the daughter, or both? The mom was sure accepting of seeing her daughter collapse, perhaps that could be the time when the conflict grows and he is forced into making a choice? Just some thoughts, but I did enjoy it very much.
Ok, maybe the ending was abrupt, but I liked that he went for the mom, but still got the dau. As most others said, most of the story was excellent. As for other possibilities you can always do sequels!
I enjoyed the story. Please write another part with more adventures and more people in it. The back and forth from hypnosis to aware is great.
I'd love to do that to my neighbors wife and her sexy 18 year old virgin daughter
I can see this working for me and the chicks at my gym