A New Beginning Ch. 11

awesome story

Glad i got to read this cant wait for the next one that you mechmanas

hmmmm somehow this doesn't feel right, a bit rushed. i can understand that rogue will have a major part in Raven's rescue,but in my opinion there would have been a few more opportunities as to "glue" everything together.

i rather would have waited a bit longer to see a more complete ending chapter and maybe show a slight star as to how rogue would be more involved, thus having a nice "in between" chapter to start of Rogue's story.

so many story lines

i get that this is the w=end of one part and the start of another, but man you drop plot points in and out with no warning, i love the story but at times hard to follow

Disappointing.

I agreee with many others the story lines jump around too much. You use the wrong names for characters several times. You have the ability to write if you woukd take your time and develop the plots slowly and serpratley. I don't like that you put The End of Raven and Xavier's story when it was going to continue into the next series.

Names

You reall need to pay attention to who you writing about, both in this story and the sequeal to it, you make mistakes and name the wrong person. You'll put Jimmy's name in when your talking about Beth and Parker, as one example. But you do it just about every second paragraph.

good base story line

You have a good story here. I agree with others that sometimes the storyline is confusing, but it seems that you have a good begenning here. Ignore those with negative comments ...write because you enjoy it. Try to figure out the constuctive comments versus the negative comments.

Suggestion

I don't think you have a bad story at all, I just think you need an editor to help you keep your story lines and the names of your characters straight. Keep writing, the more you write the better everything will get.