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English
Meh
Could be much better if you spent more time on the suduction and sex. it was over before it started...
Hmm...
When I started reading this, I wasn't sure what time period I was in. The spoken words in my head sounded old and English (British, if you will, something before the 20th century), even the sentence structure had a formality that you would read of from that time period I believe, but when Alexander spoke, I felt he was speaking modernly. The use of 'hicky' just doesn' work for me in this. It totally took me away from the moment you were trying to create.
This story has so many possibilities to go through. I love the idea of sex through life energy instead of physical joining. It's something I haven't run across before in this fashion (without the physicality of the moment). I believe that more should have been said and described of the seduction, of the need, of the partner.
Don't take away from the 1st person p.o.v. because when it's good, it really draws the reader in, but bring more into the other character as well. I felt she was more of a walking stick rather than an integral part of this 'vampire's' tale. There was no real emotion behind her because the act of sucking each other's energy wasn't described. Not only that, did they meet prior to this moment? I thought they might have, but wasn't sure because your main character hadn't said anything to further this thought a long.
Little things like that truly make a good story, erotic or otherwise. I like this idea, however, and hope you further it along because it could become something more and exciting, and not just in the sexual part of it either.
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