The old "we're out of gas" so fuck me or we don't get home trick. Used very well by the way. I wish the story had been a bit longer with more details but I'll await your next story nonetheless.
by
Anonymous06/28/10
poor spelling stops me
I could see this was poor writing when I saw terrible spelling on the first screen - so I stopped reading.
by
Anonymous06/28/10
good but
why do people that can't write insist on posting a story with out going through a good editor first use your 12 yearold brain and do a rewrite and go through a good editor show some pride in your work and respect for the readers if you are writing for yourself don't post it if you are writing for the readers then make sure it is correct and it goes through a good editor first
I think your the one who needs an editor. Nice non-stop senseless writing in your post. There are very few if any grammatical error is this story, and only found two minor spelling mistakes. Again, you like to hide behind 'anonymous'. If your going to badmouth a story, have the guts to use your name!
To the writer, don't let this idiot spoil your enthusiasm for writing. Good effort. Not a 'A' but definitey not a "C" or less either.
Enjoyed the story and concept.
by
Anonymous06/28/10
Out of Gas
well whatever may be say about your story it's a great story and I'm sure you have more to follow.........it's a five star to me and what a fantasy come true.
by
Anonymous06/28/10
Not bad at all for a first story
Short, sweet and to the point. As far as the complaint from the english professors, get a life, this is a amateur erotic site not an english lit class. Besides the spelling and grammar were nothing to complain about, I've seen a lot worse. I suggest you lit professors go somewhere else to complain. Good story author, keep on writing. ML
The grammar and spelling sucked. I get to complain because I am using my account. Why others would not want a writer to achieve better is beyond me. Strive beyond mediocrity
by
Anonymous06/29/10
.
All of you anti-critical police can fuck off. Some like to see well written stories without lousy grammar and misspellings. This isn't an amateur site. There's plenty of them. So, if you people don't like the criticism of grammar and spelling.....then fuck off.
It amazes me the amount of people who don't like it when people criticize. Morons. I guess we can all go Kumbaya the rest of our lives.
Kind of a "tried but true" theme but I haven't seen it in a long time, so that's fine. As to the anonymous criticism- Oh well. Your bio said you were looking for the inner writer- you found him, he just needs a little more practice, that's all.
by
Anonymous06/30/10
It's starting to get silly...
the number of people who consider themselves English experts around here, that is. I saw hardly any mistakes, and the ones I did see weren't really bad ones. The story was well-written, but a little bland to me. The type of writer who just needs a little more inspiration. Good luck.
I really enjoyed reading your story. I hope you will continue it.
by
Anonymous04/26/12
not good
what to say ? rushed unrealistic and poorly written seem to sum it up.
by
Anonymous08/05/12
You people
You people are so damn annoying. Stfu and jerk off. Only fags come here for good quality writing and criticize peoples shit. Its a fucking sex story not a steven king novel. Get over yourselves seriously
by
Anonymous03/30/13
not good
no background - who are they and what kind of relationship do they have with each other. an unrealistic rush to sex since you give no indication of any feelings between them before this. no end - you just left us hanging what happens when they get home and after the parents get home. this should be chapter two of three or four time to delete and rewrite it PROPERLY.
by
Anonymous05/03/13
to the critic of the critics
"I think your the one who needs an editor."
your = belongs to you
you're = you are
"There are very few if any grammatical error is this story, and only found two minor spelling mistakes."
I am not going to even comment on this "sentence."
Perhaps this is a clue as to why you did not find many errors!
Just saying...
Putting a good finish on a piece of perfectly sanded wood brings out the beauty of the wood grain.
Good writing fundamentals and good editing brings out the beauty of words, phrases and sentences.
by
Anonymous06/12/13
Too short
There wasn't enough detail by the end of the story, mostly for the sex.
by
Anonymous09/02/13
Not bad
A good quick read, I would love so see a story to come up as a sequel to this and maybe extend the background. Other wise this is really a good read, especially for those who just need a quick one.
by
Anonymous05/21/14
Liked :)
I do really like this story but you do have some problems. You need to work on grammer and punctuation. These are technical issues and might seem nit-picky but it is important not to distract the reader from the story by having to figure something out. It is also a bit short. It could be a great romance. Brother falling in love with sis and spending time trying to seduce her - finding out accidentally that she is a virgin. Or, Sis being in love with brother. Wanting him to be her first lover, she siphons a bit of gas from the tank before their drive knowing they'd have to find a cabin. Either way, he ends up prepareing her a romantic dinner, ply's her with wine (or maybe she acts a little drunker than she really is) and they ultimately end up in bed together. You should edit it in such a way that the sex descriptions are more substantial. I love Brother/Sister stories.
by
Anonymous12/04/14
Horrible grammer
If write you must - try learn English first, otherwise favor do us and stop.
How you like bad grammer use by me - hard to read, no!!!@!!
by
Anonymous08/13/16
Good start...ending was a bit lame. Need more. Chapter 2?!!!
English
Wonderful!
Great first story, I hope you will continue with it.
Ahh....
The old "we're out of gas" so fuck me or we don't get home trick. Used very well by the way. I wish the story had been a bit longer with more details but I'll await your next story nonetheless.
poor spelling stops me
I could see this was poor writing when I saw terrible spelling on the first screen - so I stopped reading.
good but
why do people that can't write insist on posting a story with out going through a good editor first use your 12 yearold brain and do a rewrite and go through a good editor show some pride in your work and respect for the readers if you are writing for yourself don't post it if you are writing for the readers then make sure it is correct and it goes through a good editor first
Comment to the 'good but' posting
I think your the one who needs an editor. Nice non-stop senseless writing in your post. There are very few if any grammatical error is this story, and only found two minor spelling mistakes. Again, you like to hide behind 'anonymous'. If your going to badmouth a story, have the guts to use your name!
To the writer, don't let this idiot spoil your enthusiasm for writing. Good effort. Not a 'A' but definitey not a "C" or less either.
Enjoyed the story and concept.
Out of Gas
well whatever may be say about your story it's a great story and I'm sure you have more to follow.........it's a five star to me and what a fantasy come true.
Not bad at all for a first story
Short, sweet and to the point. As far as the complaint from the english professors, get a life, this is a amateur erotic site not an english lit class. Besides the spelling and grammar were nothing to complain about, I've seen a lot worse. I suggest you lit professors go somewhere else to complain. Good story author, keep on writing. ML
using my name
The grammar and spelling sucked. I get to complain because I am using my account. Why others would not want a writer to achieve better is beyond me. Strive beyond mediocrity
.
All of you anti-critical police can fuck off. Some like to see well written stories without lousy grammar and misspellings. This isn't an amateur site. There's plenty of them. So, if you people don't like the criticism of grammar and spelling.....then fuck off.
It amazes me the amount of people who don't like it when people criticize. Morons. I guess we can all go Kumbaya the rest of our lives.
Signed, anonymous.
Not fantastic, but good.
Kind of a "tried but true" theme but I haven't seen it in a long time, so that's fine. As to the anonymous criticism- Oh well. Your bio said you were looking for the inner writer- you found him, he just needs a little more practice, that's all.
It's starting to get silly...
the number of people who consider themselves English experts around here, that is. I saw hardly any mistakes, and the ones I did see weren't really bad ones. The story was well-written, but a little bland to me. The type of writer who just needs a little more inspiration. Good luck.
Nice little ditty!
Age old tale! Always fun to imagine.
Next chapter.
I really enjoyed reading your story. I hope you will continue it.
not good
what to say ? rushed unrealistic and poorly written seem to sum it up.
You people
You people are so damn annoying. Stfu and jerk off. Only fags come here for good quality writing and criticize peoples shit. Its a fucking sex story not a steven king novel. Get over yourselves seriously
not good
no background - who are they and what kind of relationship do they have with each other. an unrealistic rush to sex since you give no indication of any feelings between them before this. no end - you just left us hanging what happens when they get home and after the parents get home. this should be chapter two of three or four time to delete and rewrite it PROPERLY.
to the critic of the critics
"I think your the one who needs an editor."
your = belongs to you
you're = you are
"There are very few if any grammatical error is this story, and only found two minor spelling mistakes."
I am not going to even comment on this "sentence."
Perhaps this is a clue as to why you did not find many errors!
Just saying...
Putting a good finish on a piece of perfectly sanded wood brings out the beauty of the wood grain.
Good writing fundamentals and good editing brings out the beauty of words, phrases and sentences.
Too short
There wasn't enough detail by the end of the story, mostly for the sex.
Not bad
A good quick read, I would love so see a story to come up as a sequel to this and maybe extend the background. Other wise this is really a good read, especially for those who just need a quick one.
Liked :)
I do really like this story but you do have some problems. You need to work on grammer and punctuation. These are technical issues and might seem nit-picky but it is important not to distract the reader from the story by having to figure something out. It is also a bit short. It could be a great romance. Brother falling in love with sis and spending time trying to seduce her - finding out accidentally that she is a virgin. Or, Sis being in love with brother. Wanting him to be her first lover, she siphons a bit of gas from the tank before their drive knowing they'd have to find a cabin. Either way, he ends up prepareing her a romantic dinner, ply's her with wine (or maybe she acts a little drunker than she really is) and they ultimately end up in bed together. You should edit it in such a way that the sex descriptions are more substantial. I love Brother/Sister stories.
Horrible grammer
If write you must - try learn English first, otherwise favor do us and stop.
How you like bad grammer use by me - hard to read, no!!!@!!
Good start...ending was a bit lame. Need more. Chapter 2?!!!
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Cabin By the Lake or
More submissions by windysoar.