A Strange World Ch. 01

I liked the story, particularly at the end. I liked the cliffhanger. I do think that it felt like some small holes such as there was no mention of the bartender being a female so when a woman was suddenly taking him home I was wondering who it was at first. I am wondering how he could have been turned when there was no mention of a bite or anything unless his dad was a vamp or something? I do like that he had the fighting background and could stand up for himself. That makes it more interesting than the typical weakling suddenly having superhuman strength when turned. In certain parts the story felt a tiny bit rushed I look forward to finding out more about how he was turned and what will happen now.

very good start

This was a pretty good story, and a good start to writing. My biggest suggestion is get an editor, or write the story wait a day or two and then reread it. This usually helps me find the little holes and such that I would miss the first time around. Good luck and would like to read more.

Good start but a stated in previous comments there are a few holes and an editior always help.

great

I thought it was great. Cant wait to read the next one!!

It's a great start

You might want to read it once or twice before submitting. I'm really one to talk because I'm terrible about editing, but I learned my lesson. Keep at it, I'm looking forward to reading more.

A little rushed but a good start

It was a little rushed and then going from I believe it was his friends moms thoughts was a little confusing. Sometimes it hard going from one characters thoughts to another. I think with a good editor this will make a great story