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My Aunt Ann's Toys

byduckduckgoose91©
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by Anonymous

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by Socially_Inept07/21/10

Whoa!

I liked this story. The aunt and nephew really went at it.
Keep it up!

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Good story; interesting premise, but...

Hey duckduckgoose91, either you haven't edited this story or you definitely need and editor that can provide you with unbiased criticism of your work. If I'd written this story, it would be grammatically and editorily flawless. However, I'm only one of many readers and... as I read, I cringed in pain while murmuring, "Ouch!, ouch!, ouch!" I encountered missing words, mispelled words, missing punctuation, sometines no quotation marks, and incomplete sentences or thoughts. For example: 1] "As I laid (past tense) there on the bed... - should be "lay" present tense. 2] Sure enough (comma needed) she went to the other couch were (missing letter "h" should indicate nearness of location, not the present plural tense of verb 'to be') I didn't put the toy... 3] She never said anything back, just grabbed my hand and we both got off the ground. (The ground? - you make it suddenly sound like she's Tinker Bell whisking Peter Pan away.) These examples are only a drop compared to the bucket of mistakes I noticed. Sorry author, but reading is supposed to be a pleasure while sitting and relaxing - not a WORKOUT!!! You need to become the "reader of your own" stories, as well as the writer of them. Then you'll learn just what I'm feeling right now.

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