Well I wish I could say i loved this last chapter but I can't.
Its not a bad story , you skipped ahead so far took some of the fun out of it.
while i didnt love it i did like it :)
by
Anonymous08/10/10
Sweet...but
Not as intriguing as ch. 1 and not as hot as ch. 2, but it provided some closure to the immediate issues. It was actually kind of sweet...but could have been a bit more fleshed out. I get it if you didn't want to drag the story out, but maybe you can have some kind of follow up showing Laura/Grace and Paul getting to 'know' each other again physically and romantically. Just a thought. Still it wasn't bad. Looking forward to your next story, whatever it may be.
I really liked the story but I feel like I'm missing something, liked I skipped a chapter. One minute they are seeing each other for the first time in 10 years, the next he's taking his son to his mothers birthday party and Paul and Laura are married. I just kind of feel a little empty.
Though I really liked the story, there were gaps in it. Next time give a time line of the events, then jump to the end of the story. Keep up the writing.
by
Anonymous05/29/11
This needs a few in between chapters
It was a good premise, but got lost in the shuffle. You need a good 2-3 chapters in between 2 and 3-at least-to make this great.
by
Anonymous09/24/11
needs a start and and middle with a wtf happened then the endind
To tell the underlying story. Also, why would a mother allow her son to go into a potential pack of hyenas without being present? Also, what happened after this?
by
Anonymous05/28/12
hmmmmm
Pauls confession is weak, and Graces/Laura's acceptance too easy, What didn't come out is why he didn't get the tape checked out in the first place, if he loved her so deeply, and why, with Laura working in law, didn't trace who set her up and chuck it back in his face? He's been forgiven too easy in this story,
English
Great story
Great story, but sorry that it is over.
Please, continue your writing.
well
Well I wish I could say i loved this last chapter but I can't.
Its not a bad story , you skipped ahead so far took some of the fun out of it.
while i didnt love it i did like it :)
Sweet...but
Not as intriguing as ch. 1 and not as hot as ch. 2, but it provided some closure to the immediate issues. It was actually kind of sweet...but could have been a bit more fleshed out. I get it if you didn't want to drag the story out, but maybe you can have some kind of follow up showing Laura/Grace and Paul getting to 'know' each other again physically and romantically. Just a thought. Still it wasn't bad. Looking forward to your next story, whatever it may be.
well
I really liked the story but I feel like I'm missing something, liked I skipped a chapter. One minute they are seeing each other for the first time in 10 years, the next he's taking his son to his mothers birthday party and Paul and Laura are married. I just kind of feel a little empty.
i have to agree
seems that time jumped. what and who is nick/why did she change her name, and other things, i hope you flesh that out
Big time jump
Yeah it was a good story but that time jump was too big. Should have written how they worked it out to get to the final stage
why didnt u fill in the plot
it was ok but there was to much unanswered :(
Missing?
Though I really liked the story, there were gaps in it. Next time give a time line of the events, then jump to the end of the story. Keep up the writing.
This needs a few in between chapters
It was a good premise, but got lost in the shuffle. You need a good 2-3 chapters in between 2 and 3-at least-to make this great.
needs a start and and middle with a wtf happened then the endind
need more
More Chapters
To tell the underlying story. Also, why would a mother allow her son to go into a potential pack of hyenas without being present? Also, what happened after this?
hmmmmm
Pauls confession is weak, and Graces/Laura's acceptance too easy, What didn't come out is why he didn't get the tape checked out in the first place, if he loved her so deeply, and why, with Laura working in law, didn't trace who set her up and chuck it back in his face? He's been forgiven too easy in this story,
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Waiting All Along Ch. 03 or
More submissions by moytalkstou.