Right category, kinda unconventional, well edited, liked it. But a real romance starts with more than alcohol clouded babble, it starts with getting to know you and appreciate you and your future challenge is to write about that...oh so much harder to do. This comment meant to encourage, not discourage, your future writings.
A good start. So far, a simplistic plot. I look forward to any surprises as to who he is or how he finds her. Your writing style is good. There aren't alot of mistakes. It is good for any writer to have someone read over their work before submitting, but many need it more than you do. I would consider putting her thoughts in a single quote or italicizing it so that it is more clear it is a thought and not being said out loud. Maybe getting a bit more descriptive with people and places could help. It draws the reader in more and helps them picture the story more easily. Good luck. Looking forward to a next chapter.
English
Nice first submission
Right category, kinda unconventional, well edited, liked it. But a real romance starts with more than alcohol clouded babble, it starts with getting to know you and appreciate you and your future challenge is to write about that...oh so much harder to do. This comment meant to encourage, not discourage, your future writings.
Great start!
Great start you are a very good writer. Looking forward to the next chapters
Great start. Cant wait for more.
great beginning!
Awesome first submission!! I can't wait to read the next chapter! Hurry!! :)
Good read
looking forward to chapter 2
A good start. So far, a simplistic plot. I look forward to any surprises as to who he is or how he finds her. Your writing style is good. There aren't alot of mistakes. It is good for any writer to have someone read over their work before submitting, but many need it more than you do. I would consider putting her thoughts in a single quote or italicizing it so that it is more clear it is a thought and not being said out loud. Maybe getting a bit more descriptive with people and places could help. It draws the reader in more and helps them picture the story more easily. Good luck. Looking forward to a next chapter.
Chapter 2 please
More please. I liked it
Great
Its great. please do another chapter.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to When a Door Closes Ch. 01 or
More submissions by quietseductress.