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English
I hope you cintinue
If you do not plan to finish this to the end then stop right here, please.
Nicelllly Started
The author is one of the best on the site. I am sure we are going to really enjoy the , er, 12 chapters. Excellent protrayal of a "Queen".
lots more to come
I submitted 11 chapters in the space of around 20 minutes. I expected them all to show up at the same time, not just chapter 1. I've submitted 12 and 13 as well. There are 50-70 thousand more words to go and more after I work through some problems. Patience, please.
Previous style was better
This re-write is good but the previous one was much better imho for a few reasons:
1. When u start reading the story now, it seems that the girl is quite a bit self aware. In the previous re-write, she is discovering things abt herself, with us. I think some of that is lost now
2. The writing style now seems much more formal. Since narration is happening from this girl's perspective, it doesn't seem now that she is talking.. I think that detracts a little.
Some other stuff seems off to me, but cannot put a finger on it.
This edition is good, but previously it was much better.. especially the beginnng.
Addition to previous comment
Just figured out, what was bothering me...
In this version, all the characters seem to be explaining themselves too much. It seems to break the flow of the story.
Pretty good
Good narrative. Excellent protagonist voice. I usually don’t go for so much TELLING instead of SHOWING long prologues but somehow it was interesting enough and done well in 1st person POV to get me going to the actual action.
One of the 3 or 4 I've liked the most
I just found this today, and I bagged work to read it. Thanks very much for writing it and for posting it.
Great read.
A very fun and enjoyable story.
This is for those, who like me, might want to avoid this story because there are so many chapters:
1.- Don't worry, the chapters aren't too long.
2.- About (1.-): Yes, the chapters are short. But don't worry, they are the right lenght. The author doesn't rush the story, in case that's your worry.
*5*
Not going to rate.
Because the story itself is not what would earn the ONE star, it's the idiocy of how you've submitted the chapters.
Why the long, involved prologue which is then followed by the Exact Same Words in multiple chapters? What's the point of that?
Either remove the prologue or ... no, there really is no other option.
Just remove the prologue. If it has different material I could not see it as I sped through the rehashing of what I'd just read, however if it does have some major new/adjusted material that is not in the Prologue, then simply upload a new 'chapter 1-x' until you've replaced the epilogue content. Don't know how, look it up in the FAQ, under 'updating my stories'.
So, I'll skip through the next few chapters until I "catch up" to where I was before chapter one... oh, and as to the rating, I'm guessing that the reason that Ch1 is the only chapter without that coveted "H" is just exactly what I mentioned - dropping a 1 star due to how I feel right now:
*annoyed*
Jason
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