I Had a Plan

Brief, effective, beautiful

I like it. Not exactly erotica but as divorce/revenge porn it's very workable. ^_^

Close to reality, a little too close

Except for the "sale" of an organ, something not allowed by law anywhere, your story is quite good and strikes home for me. That organ sales are illegal does nott mean they don't occur, of course; they do.

Your story hits home because I have a daughter named Amanda who has had two kidney transplants in the past ten years, her first from a cadaver and her second from a man who was a live donor.

i liked it but....

it was too short. it does suck for "little gordy" but then, thats what happens when you have monsters for parents. they planted kiddie porn so theyd get everything!? jesus, i hope they die a slow, painful death.

Too short

I love the story line, but it could have been a little longer. Some description of the faces of the two animals that tried to destroy him would have been good as realization dawned .

Good story DD.

Thanks for writing.

You reap what you sow

If Rita had just gone for the divorce without trying to destroy him Mark would have been more than willing and able to donate the kidney to save Gordon; but then the church may or may not have been able to raise the funds to save Amanda.

Well written quick story.

Fantastic...

Thanks for sharing...

Well done !!!!!

Good read .

Very Succinct

Very good story, it was very succinct. If I've to put it straight, you lost a "golden opportunity". A little more background, how they met, their marriage, why Rita wanted a divorce, his really tough days when he was labbled as a pedophile, start from the scratch, little Amanda's story etc. You should've worked on these details and take it from me, this story would've been even better.

There are not many writers from India here on this site, so keep writing, but you sure need to work on few things, especially on details. Thanks for your sharing.

You're a wonderful story teller

Read all your stories here on Literotica and SOL. Keep up the good work.

WOW!!!!!!

One of the best story lines I have read on this site. Great Read. "Thank You"

Mark should have told them

The only thing that he would like to see is her head on a stick. Where's Vlad when you need him?

dumb

No buildup, nothing. Reads just like that, a paragraph in a newspaper.
Just plain dumb.

Short & sweet - we liked it.

Agree with another poster - to bad the ex-wife was not dying at the same time.

Short and to the point, it's good. I have to say, all the other background info another commenter requested is not needed. That would just be fluff around the actual content. As it is now it certainly gets the message across. Good story.

Very Good Flash Story

A very succint and clean revenge tale, except that as always the true victim gets the same punishment as the guilty parties.

Good, very good, Really Very Good !

dd,

Damn good story. Very well written clear and concise!

one more thing to add, to aonymous: anonymous dolt.

thanks for sharing on Lit.


x

clever

This was a very smart and well thought out story of just desserts. I don't think it's at all likely, and as the child truly is an innocent bystander, thankfully so. It works well as a fantasy though. Good job.

Only one problem

It is against the law to sell an organ. You can donate it but not sell it. Other than that it was a good story.

Good Story

Like most everyone that commented, I thought this story was well written and an interesting consept. Ohh, Anonymous, It is very illegal to sell body parts...but who said that he sold it legally? There is a blackmarket for things like that. Many people will buy anything, if they need it desparately enough.

That was a good story!

What else is there to say?

it is a very touching story indeed

it is a very touching story but what it is doing in a erotica?

Not legal in the United States!

Selling organs is not legal in the United States. The premise therefore is flawed and absurd. I am sure that selling an organ happens and maybe illegally in the USA but that flaw kept your score low.

Huh?

This was about 1/3 of a story. To really be of interest it needed a lot more to it. Sorry, but try again.

I liked it.

You only have so much to play the game of life with and when it is gone it is gone. Short , fast but a great read. Thank you. Jim sorry author I am going to hide.

I had to reply

Beside the convenient organ-trade treaty between US and Mexico I am sure it is illegal to sell or buy organs in civilized world. No where does anyone insinuate in this story that selling organs is legal or he did anything legal by selling his organ. The church was on the wrong side of the town... How many illegal organ dealers could he find among drug dealers and local gangs?

And by the way, murder is illegal in USA too, does that make every murder based story flawed and absurd? Could it be that I am being told that unlike Murder, that not in one nook and corner of the great land, of the gods of the earth, is a lonely desperate father who has sold his body part to feed or save his family. Or am I being told that there is not one desperate father in the whole of USA who has ever bought a liver or kidney to save his child's life! Is it the American way of life to think "Oh, I will let my son die but under no circumstance will I buy an organ. It is Illegal!!!"? And trust me, this is me trying to understand US culture better so that I can write a more realistic story.

And Scorpio44... I agree it is flawed and absurd. Almost as flawed and absurd as a realtor confiscating the keys to the marital house from one of the divorcing spouses after beating the spouse black and blue while the divorce case is sub-judice , without legal complications. Or, is it legal for real estate people to snatch keys by beating someone's eyes shut?

Respect,
dd

I Liked It!

This was a neat flash story. While I hate to see childen die, t does make a nice twist to the story. The sale of an organ might be illegal it adds to the story. Good Job.
Mendon

Great story!

A bit short, but I really liked it!

Loving Wives ? ? ?

Should this story be in "Loving Wives" section?

DD, you are becoming the master of the flash story...

It seems all your stories have a terminal ending.

wat a bitch slut skank tuff shit maybe hes got his revenge on her

Funny, there were priests that that were concerned with that lable to Mark. Writtrn before the church-priest scandal perhaps. He made his pont very well, and the pair lose something they value, literally.

FANTASTIC! ! ! ! ! ! !

More please

Two major problems.

1. It is illegal to sell a kidney so that couldn't have happened since anyone will to pay under the table would have to know the kidney was a match and realistically there is no way the testing for a match could have occured.

2. Possession of kiddy porn wasn't a crime 25 years ago.

Since the story is impossible for two reasons, I had to rate it 1*.

This was a good premise,

I think it would've played better if his adopted daughter was the recipient rather than selling it. I would also liked him finding his true love. Their reactions to him only having one kidney would have been priceless too. Thank you.

THE KIDNEY IS NOT THE PROBLEM

its the lack for one and the circumstances in the need of one, TK U MLJ LV NV

Loved It!

This story had two things that are near and dear to my heart. Of course the first thing is the concept of Karma being a total bitch. Second, I just couldn't help but love the delicious irony the story set up.

Now of course the naysayers had a field day. I read a lot of comments with a mixture of amusement and frustration. Were there elements of the story that were far fetched? Yes. Hello people, it's called fiction, look it up! Now some comments were a bit more constructive, mostly dealing with the length of the story and lack of detail. This was, I felt, a valid concern. Therefore I only gave it four stars instead of five.

Nonetheless, it was a great effort from my perspective. I look forward to reading more of this author's work.

On Storiesonline.net (SOL) I read a story where the wife used the pedophylia weapon against the exhusband and the tribunal system banned him to see his own daughter. Some years later the exwife ask for the tribunal system to drop the accusation, because she wanted the exhusband to help their common daughter. What a similar interesting situation

deliciously ironic

I thought it was funny that ex was so selfish that her actions will possibly be the death of her son.

To duna what is the title of the story you are referring to. I would like to check it out.

EXCELLENT

TREMENDOUS.

Rita and Hugo had a lot of balls to assume Mark would give up a kidney to a stranger brought up by his cheating whore slut ex-wife and her jerkoff fuckhead lover because he has a biological son he never knew. Maybe if 25 years ago he knew she was preggers maybe.

Now he goes on the list and waits his turn for a kidney.
I did it and 10 years later I'm still kicking.

OH YEAH

Turncoat

A buggering by a meaty cock, a fat cock smoked, betrayed!

Short

but definitely NOT sweet! Hoist by her own petard!

('petard is French for fart, but was also the nickname for a small clay-pot grenade used to knock down doors in castle walls ... named after the sound of the grenade as heard from the battle-line. Every once in a while the grenade would go off early, and the troops would see their grenadier fly up in the air, then hear the 'fart!')

Unfortunately I did not wrote the author's name in logbook. On the SOL somebody can ask others about a story title. I will ask them soon.

I love the karma of this story

pay back is a bitch then you die, in this case her child will die because of her deeds

#2 20+ YEARS AFTER

no remorse or regrets...only avarice and self serving. TK U MLJ LV NV

Excellent!

Excellent!

damn

i do like this one.

Short and to the point

O. Henry would be proud. Could his wife really be that selfish and evil when she divorced him? Could any wife cheat on her husband and then take everything from him in a divorce if he were completely blameless in their marriage? Would any wife with such a mean streak be likely to stay married to her lover for twenty-five years? Why not write a story about Rita's motivations when she was married to Mark and how she changed once she married Hugo and gave birth to Gordon?!

Excellent

Hey Tazz317, why are you such a %$#@& ?
It was a good story with an excellent ending.

No shit what a good guy -

But poor Gordon he is truly an innocent here - I hope he gets the transplant - there are a lot out there - never enough but a lot.

As for the 2 assholes - don't you just love the balls some people have - they come in a demand he do and offer nothing for it after completely destroying him for no reason other than their own selfishness - now they think in noble terms - sheeit