All Comments  for

A Double Scoop of Revenge

byBakeboss©
All
Comments (43)
by Anonymous

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by thebullet09/02/10

bare bones

couldn't you have made this shorter by eliminating the trip from the airport?

This isn't a story, it's an outline which could be used by most of the loving wife stories on the site.

I strongly suggest that in future stories you flesh out things to make it appear to be an actual story.

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by Anonymous09/02/10

Great & To the Point

Efficient story telling... no long winded diatribe.
If she gets nasty, he gets even. Loved it !

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by The Navigator09/02/10

Too brief

What there was of it is well written, better than most on this site. But it was far too short. We really did not get to know any of the characters, except as cardboard cut outs.

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by Anonymous09/02/10

Thanks

What little you wrote - or she wrote in her note - said all there was to say about her character. I doubt I would want to be married to a woman who didn't care enough to consult or compromise. Of course, boss guy was into her pants so goodbye cheater.
Anyway, thanks for not making a wimp out of him and for making quick and short work out of the cheaters. I would like to have savored more had you embellished a slight more.

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by Scorpio4409/02/10

Not really a story...

more of a rant, IMHO. A rewrite that included insights into the husband, the wife, their problems and perceived problems could have convinced me to care about someone in the story. Sorry, it could have been a good story.

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by hindsight202009/02/10

You are better than this.

Really

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by Kirkel09/02/10

?

Like the premis but there isn't a finish and I don't understand how they got here in the first place.

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by Anonymous09/02/10

Say what?

There was really no story here. Given the absence of all aspects of a real story, this was just a tempest in a teapot.

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by xtremedd09/02/10

News Flash! Film @ 11:00

bb,

Comlete enough for me. Clear concise and game/set/match.

Great story!


x

PS: re:comments, anonymous dolt

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by Deckview09/02/10

You could have done something with this

But it really is just an event and a rant.... I agree with others. You can do better than this.

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by chytown09/02/10

HELLO!!

GOOD-BY!!!!!!!!!

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by Mongo83709/02/10

Good story

It was a good story but it was very rushed , you had good ideas but like I said , more dialog and information about the people , places things , reactions , and aftermath dialog would have made this an excellent story .

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by Anonymous09/02/10

horrible

Not only was this not remotely interesting, but your grammar was horrific. Periods, commas, and sem-colons were required throughout this piece, yet they were all notably absent. I would recommend that you find a good editor to review your work before submitting it.

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by PennLady09/02/10

Hmm

Having just read "Trust," and a couple of your other works, I agree that you can do better. There were sloppy, choppy sentences and it was too quick.

Truthfully, I had no sympathy for the guy at all. I know some thought that his ex-wife-to-be revealed herself in the note, but what about him? He goes off, admits he ran himself low on funds, and then you find out that she'd warned him what would happen. And she followed through; so my sympathy was with her and not him.

I also thought it was over the top that she cleaned out the house to the point of taking appliances. That's just ridiculous (not saying it doesn't happen, just probably not often). What the hell is she going to do with them, anyway?

I do think there could be a longer, better story here, but as it stands, it's not much.

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by PennLady09/02/10

Correction

Sorry, you didn't write "Trust." This is what I get for reading quickly. My apologies; but I have read other stories by you, Bakeboss, and think they've been better.

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by Anonymous09/02/10

Wait...what?

Wow, this was over before it started.

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by JustForPosting09/02/10

I agree with Anonymous

This was not well written. There were spelling errors, sloppy construction, and other problems throughout. A good editor would indeed have helped.

More than that, though, is that this isn't really a story. It's a setup, an outline, a concept. It's been done before, and better.

Also, as one comment said, moving the fridge and the stove? That's a little over-the-top.

Not saying this couldn't have been made into something, again with an editor; but as is, it's pretty weak.

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by bigguy32309/02/10

Good idea, too short and a lot left unsaid and undone.

Round this out. Use what you have as an outline and fill in the details. It could be a good story.

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by C_frommn09/03/10

Needs a Second Chapter

Alot of things Happened but .
We did'nt get the Accusations and other stuff couples go thru.

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by Anonymous09/04/10

Too short

This is way too short; reads like a William Shatner novel -- beginning, ending, little middle.

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by jiminab09/04/10

What

Like going for a walk in the night and falling off a cliff. A shock at the end. Too short.

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by Anonymous09/05/10

Nice!

A bit short, but everyone got what they deserved in the end.

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by Anonymous11/15/10

To Short

That was a story I should have loved. I was just starting to get into the characters and it was over. Why not just write she fuck me so I fucked her back worse. It wasn't a bad story you just needed to develop it more. Tell what and how the people felt and reacted to getting screwed. You have the abability to write well I look forward to reading more of your work.

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by tazz31706/13/11

EPILOG TIME

HEY BB, DO YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS TO FURTHER SUBMISSIONS ON A DOUBLE SCOOP......MAYBE ANOTHER CHAPTER OR 2. TK U MLJ LV NV

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by Anonymous01/27/13

BOOM!

Always enjoy a roll-the-grenade-in story. Nice.

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by Bfreetorun02/14/13

It was a little short and would have been better with a little sex.

This IS a porn site, you know. But, a good story, nevertheless. Fuck 'em both.

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by Anonymous04/26/13

Right to the point!

Although I would have thought he would have wanted to get some of the furniture and money back. I guess he was going to sleep on the floor until after the divorce and he got his 1/2 of everything?

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by betrayedbylove04/26/13

Nice

This is what you call revenge in a hurry. Way to go.

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by Anonymous05/28/13

And yet

He has no money, he has no furniture and his wife is about to find out that she has no money and no furniture. So his revenge seems a little hollow, as he is going to have to pay her alimony since she hasn't got a job ( no income). He might have acted a tad hastily and the revenge he wanted seems to have bitten him in the ass. Nice try.

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by tazz31705/28/13

#2 REVENGE IS ONLY DELICIOUS

when you are the one tasting, TK U MLJ LV NV

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by Anonymous07/15/13

TOTAL FAILURE

Now he has no money, no furniture and his wife has lost her job so his alimony payment just went up. He went off half cocked and screwed himself even more in the process. Dumb ass story.

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by tazz31712/16/14

NOW IT COMES DOWN TO

how far do we go for the real payback. TK U MLJ LV NV

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by Anonymous05/04/16

I Love It When A Wronged Spouse Gets Fair Compensation

Did his wife even have a brain? She took everything her husband had helped to purchase by working hard at a demanding job that provided the finances for the very things she assigned more value than her marriage. How shallow and selfish can a wife be?

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by vastiesmith205/04/16

5

great LW story. Annony loves the cuck idea! he is just to much of a coward and pussy to admit it. I mean this asshole reads every story on here about cucks and cheating and then he votes 1 because he gets up set with himself,. So I gave it a 5 to offset the asshole of LIT's 1 vote

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by Anonymous07/19/16

One Of The Best Flash Stories Ever!

5-Star for certain.

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by Vapspegeo08/18/16

I like the way you think!

You have a very good active imagination. We really didn't know your characters very well, we knew was after a grueling business trip Gregory returned home to find his wife had screw him over.
Her boss helped her screw her husband over and more than likely was benefactoring with her in his bed.

We learned Gregory could hack into computers like professional hacker. He screwed them back big time.
as far as alimony the writer made Gregory so smart he obviously could make have made all types of stuff happen to get even. whatever he did or could done he did anything and all he wanted to do to her and Lance to make them pay and suffer.

Remember this is out of someone's mind and they don't have to follow any real laws or rules to make getting even with hurt for Gregorys pleasure.
After everything that was dropped on them the writer could've given her a stroke that made her to fall into a coma, Gregorys insurance company would not liked that but, that would have limited his output of cash to her, OOrr! she could have been given a stroke which killed her. Since she was still on his insurance policy he would have been paid for her dying.

Bottom line It's not real! It's from someone's imagination stop thinking real.
This is a made up fictional story about a twisted relationship that seems real.
Lance worked for her father they lived in a company provided home. Lance must have been a real Stupide fool to even think only screwing around on his wife with so much to loose.
Gregory helped Judy pile so much on them no money, no Jobs, no place to live. And he also got Judy. (😜Greg made a big improvement and step up 😉) What did lance get a gold digging broke woman who wasn't very smart that time. I sure we will hear from her or her type again. This is a good story to me you can also add a very big smile for me for what happened to the-stupid wife and Lance.

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by Anonymous10/07/16

Yuk

To short!!

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by C_frommn11/04/16

Liked

His way of getting Even with the B!tch and Her New Guy. Now when she see's him in the Company of her Guy's wife knowing there's No going Back. And Mr Boss man has to look for work a place to stay and Hope that he get's his Money back. Good Luck Sucker.

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by Anonymous03/01/17

Revenge

Is not revenge very sweet, good luck with the new paramour.

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by Anonymous04/21/17

Where was the revenge?

He gave up all of his money. He lost all of his furniture and household goods. When his wife divorces him his alimony will be a lot more since she no longer is gainfully employed. Why would he want to settle for Judy? She can't even hold Lance's attention even though she's got lots of money. Al in all, I'd say Gregory got his ass handed to him. Badly thought out drivel.

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by Anonymous08/23/17

Too short to be any good at a story. It started out looking good and stopped when he said he was a hacker.

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by Vapspegeo09/22/17

Second reading

Story was reather short it needed more information.

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by Vapspegeo09/30/17

Short

This story IS short but I liked it very much!

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