I truly enjoyed this story poem. IT isn't ungodly long, nor is is childish in its rhymes. I did however find something you might want to tweak, in the line that begins with "A women..." perhaps that should be woman. I enjoyed your work today and in the past. Keep writing! ( and publish that unpublished poem! ) ;)
Subdued sentimentality: that's good. Forced rhymes: not quite so. Don't let them push you around!
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