I liked this story's originality but felt that it read more like a synopsis than a short story. You have the ability; just keep going.
by
Anonymous09/14/10
Nice original take on cuckold
Jerry in Washington State, USA - I generally avoid cuckold stories but decided to give this a try. I am impressed that you were able to come up with such an unusual version of a husband being cuckolded. Your story is well written and I got immense satisfaction out of the male doing the cuckolding actually turning out to be the cuckold. Again, I haven't read that many cuckold stories but this is my favorite, by far. I will give your earlier story a try now. Thanks for the very interesting story.
That makes it a good story before even reading it. It did stretch reality, but it's fiction. I have been known to stretch truth a bit myself. This was a very good idea for a story, although few men would put up with all that crap for 19 years! You just need to become a little more relaxed, more human with your story telling, but I enjoyed this effort a lot and will look for more stories from you.
and a nice original twist. I enjoyed the read very much. Keep them coming.
by
Anonymous09/14/10
you must have to
Other authors must feel they have to say good things about each others stories because what i just read was a piece of silly garbage. There was only one person born who could forgive someone for what those two put her family though and he will not be commenting.
....there were only poor wimpy cuckolds or wanna be cucks or better yet whoring bitchy wives with their pea brains writing here on Loving Wives at Literotica to get their rocks off, you showed up and proved otherwise. Talk about reverse cuckolding and literally. Thanks.
by
Anonymous09/14/10
slight point...
Not a bad story with a nice twist. One slight point, it is sperm motility, not mobility for viability.
I am surprised. And I am pleased to be surprised by this story. It is certainly unique. And that is a good thing. Lots of twists and turns and a small amount of humour as well. And as always good to see the good guys winning and the bad guys losing, well almost.
lets review : the idiot husband was about to marry stephanie. Then he found out she was cheating whore and decide to make a fake marriage ... by somehow getting a drunk Jake amd Stephanie to marry.
For GOD's sake why? what a mind bogglingly stupid thing to do .
Since everyone else BELIEVE that stephanie was married to him the husband was treated like a cuckold and his wife certainly did.
19 years? this has to be the most perposterous irrational inconsistent soiry since that fuckward DQS wrote that o pile crap called separate vacations
It was an original plot idea. The execution stretches credibility at several points. Things happen just to make the story work out and that weakens the story. First, he has a fake marriage license made up just to remind him of the mistake he almost made and that is the one that everyone sees. Come on, who would do something like that? He's a young adult and he sets up this convoluted plan to get Jake married to his girlfriend. Again, what high school + level kid would think through something like that? Then he commits himself to 19 years of shit with Stephanie solely to be with his daughter and all the time setting up a false life (job, finances, etc) to hide everything from his wife and Jake. Granted that he wasn't "really" being cuckolded all that time but he was dealing with two people who were betraying him, Stephanie and Jake. He could have walked away from Stephanie at any time since there was no marriage and gotten good visitation rights to see his daughter. Some of the "explanations" that are put forward are way over the top. As I read them I was thinking WTF? I may have to reread sometime to see if they make any more sense but my first impression was that they didn't. I think the problem with the story for me was that it worked too hard to tie everything up neatly and in doing so introduced the unbelievable elements. For example the wedding license; just propose that Stephanie and Jake were too wasted to pay attention to it and Stephanie never asked to see it after that. That would have been pretty believable since Stephanie seems pretty clueless about things in her life. Simple explanation, more believable. Overall I liked the creativity enough to enjoy the story.
by
Anonymous09/14/10
Great Story, with a minor flaw.
The only reason I'm complaining about it is because it's a big deal to me; Why did Mark need any reassurance to fight for Shawn? What a douchebag moment on his part! I get that you were trying to enhance Diane's part as the "good girl", but you really should have found another way.
Here's more or less how it should've gone with a better father:
Q-"Are you going to fight for him?"
A-"FUCK YEAH! AND I. WILL.WIN!"
A little twisty and convoluted but that is why it reminded me of a Hitchcock thriller. :-) Nicely plotted, nice character development. I look forward to your next story!
I too rated it a five...not for the quality of the characters or the writing, but for the plot line. Very innovative and I think other Loving Wives devotees will appreciate the tale, and scored it high so they would be interested enough to try. However, it should take more than a great plot line to score a five and this story is weak on character development and depth. Please consider this encouragement to continue!
Not only original but, ...... I read it and comprehended the 19 year wait. The "wait" was calculated and orchestrated.
Note:Some of you need to "read' and comprehend writing.
Great story OH, and we (I) are waiting for another chapter of your contribution of the most intriguing Contract tale!
To carry this charade out this man would have to possess the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon.
You are a decent writer, just please stick to something remotely believable.
by
Anonymous09/14/10
Very Creative
I really liked the new twist on this story. Whether it was realistic or not, it was a fun story to read and a really neat twist. I hope you keep writing.
My thoughts are that it was unreal and great entertainment. But then I love science fiction and fantasy. One action that the story prompted was to add Old Hideki to my favorite author list.
by
Anonymous09/14/10
Yes it was a bit over the top...
but it was a fun read. No violence, no threats and a humdinger of an ending. thanks.
by
Anonymous09/14/10
Good Read
Good read, made a change from other stories of cuckolded husbands, Loved the way he crewed her 'real' husband into the ground !
Far far different than many of the other stories on this site yet it went over so well that I enjoyed reading it than worrying about getting hot and bothered. Excellent job. You got a new fan
I didn't see this one coming. Well paced and clever story and a fun read. Well done OH!
by
Anonymous09/15/10
Bad Luck
It is a shame your story is being posted at the same time as DQS. He is good but so are you!! You are an excellent writer with a very good imagination! Very nice twist in this story. Keep up the good work
Not only was there a unique plot twist but this is a well written story. Thank you for putting in the time to provide a well planned and well written piece.
Are Star Wars and Harry Potter realistic and believable? They pass the "good story" test. What's the problem with this story not being so fulucking realistic? Creative stories are entertaining to everyone except the realism police here. Keep on writing and let us worry about the anon-ass-mous.
by
Anonymous10/26/10
WOW talk about tough crowd.
I read most stories for the entertainment value. I think this was a great story with a interesting twist. Its kind of funny people say its so over the top when majority of the stories here pass beyond the "no way it can be true".
Again great story Oldhideki, I look forward to more of your submittions which I can't wait for.
I missed this one the first time around; glad I found it since it was fun. The credibility test may be weak, but it was just a story, stretched though it may have been. The lawyers can argue fraud, and the "critics" can argue about everything, but it was different and enjoyable (maybe because the good guy won). Thanks for writing.
I see where you went with this, but it really didn't work for me. Yes, I liked the revenge aspects but it was implausible and went from 'interesting dramaa' to 'fantasy' as a result.
You also made a couple of errors. The most grievous of them was 30 year old Diana who was, according to Mark, a child psychologist for 14 years. Unless I misread that, it means she was a hell of a prodigy at 16.
I am not sure what point you were making regarding Jake's retirment. It seemed like a significant set up but...
Why the hell was Jake still his friend?
Nice try. You can come up with clever ideas. What you need is someone to whack on them a bit and get them worked into shape.
If a fiction story is impossible and certainly this story would be impossible, normally I rate the story 1*. However, I do make exceptions for science fiction, fairy tales, and fantasy. Although this is fiction and not fantasy, based on creativity and originality I decided to make an exception and give this story 5 stars instead of 1 star.
And besides, unlike most impossible fiction stories, I did enjoy this story.
I love a real twist. An honorable man and a slut wife. And a real quick smack upside the head for good ol' Jake. And he gets the right girl. Ahhhh, hamburger, pizza, orgasm.
to sacrefice 20 years of your life to play a stupid prank on someone and living with a women who despises you. He had the last laught, BUT only because this is a story and we didn't really have to live those 20 YEARS with a women who was never his, talking about hell.
by
Anonymous10/27/11
Quite
Quite an interesting fairy tale. less a few typos...
English
Good and less than...
I liked this story's originality but felt that it read more like a synopsis than a short story. You have the ability; just keep going.
Nice original take on cuckold
Jerry in Washington State, USA - I generally avoid cuckold stories but decided to give this a try. I am impressed that you were able to come up with such an unusual version of a husband being cuckolded. Your story is well written and I got immense satisfaction out of the male doing the cuckolding actually turning out to be the cuckold. Again, I haven't read that many cuckold stories but this is my favorite, by far. I will give your earlier story a try now. Thanks for the very interesting story.
This looks like a new plot!
That makes it a good story before even reading it. It did stretch reality, but it's fiction. I have been known to stretch truth a bit myself. This was a very good idea for a story, although few men would put up with all that crap for 19 years! You just need to become a little more relaxed, more human with your story telling, but I enjoyed this effort a lot and will look for more stories from you.
Velly interrrrrrrrrrrestingk!!
and a nice original twist. I enjoyed the read very much. Keep them coming.
you must have to
Other authors must feel they have to say good things about each others stories because what i just read was a piece of silly garbage. There was only one person born who could forgive someone for what those two put her family though and he will not be commenting.
Different
A very different take on an old theme. Nice work.
Man, just when I thought that...
....there were only poor wimpy cuckolds or wanna be cucks or better yet whoring bitchy wives with their pea brains writing here on Loving Wives at Literotica to get their rocks off, you showed up and proved otherwise. Talk about reverse cuckolding and literally. Thanks.
slight point...
Not a bad story with a nice twist. One slight point, it is sperm motility, not mobility for viability.
Well....
I am surprised. And I am pleased to be surprised by this story. It is certainly unique. And that is a good thing. Lots of twists and turns and a small amount of humour as well. And as always good to see the good guys winning and the bad guys losing, well almost.
Thanks for the story.
Original twist!
i gave you a 5 just for that.
A very nice concept, unusual, but well done
I enjoyed that the cheaters received what they deserved, and that is each other.
I always like a happy ending and this story has just that.
Thanks for the well written story
a new Low in fucking stupid
19 years???? 19 years???
lets review : the idiot husband was about to marry stephanie. Then he found out she was cheating whore and decide to make a fake marriage ... by somehow getting a drunk Jake amd Stephanie to marry.
For GOD's sake why? what a mind bogglingly stupid thing to do .
Since everyone else BELIEVE that stephanie was married to him the husband was treated like a cuckold and his wife certainly did.
19 years? this has to be the most perposterous irrational inconsistent soiry since that fuckward DQS wrote that o pile crap called separate vacations
the idiot Husband is about to marry stephanie
Well.....
It was an original plot idea. The execution stretches credibility at several points. Things happen just to make the story work out and that weakens the story. First, he has a fake marriage license made up just to remind him of the mistake he almost made and that is the one that everyone sees. Come on, who would do something like that? He's a young adult and he sets up this convoluted plan to get Jake married to his girlfriend. Again, what high school + level kid would think through something like that? Then he commits himself to 19 years of shit with Stephanie solely to be with his daughter and all the time setting up a false life (job, finances, etc) to hide everything from his wife and Jake. Granted that he wasn't "really" being cuckolded all that time but he was dealing with two people who were betraying him, Stephanie and Jake. He could have walked away from Stephanie at any time since there was no marriage and gotten good visitation rights to see his daughter. Some of the "explanations" that are put forward are way over the top. As I read them I was thinking WTF? I may have to reread sometime to see if they make any more sense but my first impression was that they didn't. I think the problem with the story for me was that it worked too hard to tie everything up neatly and in doing so introduced the unbelievable elements. For example the wedding license; just propose that Stephanie and Jake were too wasted to pay attention to it and Stephanie never asked to see it after that. That would have been pretty believable since Stephanie seems pretty clueless about things in her life. Simple explanation, more believable. Overall I liked the creativity enough to enjoy the story.
Great Story, with a minor flaw.
The only reason I'm complaining about it is because it's a big deal to me; Why did Mark need any reassurance to fight for Shawn? What a douchebag moment on his part! I get that you were trying to enhance Diane's part as the "good girl", but you really should have found another way.
Here's more or less how it should've gone with a better father:
Q-"Are you going to fight for him?"
A-"FUCK YEAH! AND I. WILL.WIN!"
Very nicely done!
A little twisty and convoluted but that is why it reminded me of a Hitchcock thriller. :-) Nicely plotted, nice character development. I look forward to your next story!
Best regards,
Chagrined.
Great story line makes this worth a read
I too rated it a five...not for the quality of the characters or the writing, but for the plot line. Very innovative and I think other Loving Wives devotees will appreciate the tale, and scored it high so they would be interested enough to try. However, it should take more than a great plot line to score a five and this story is weak on character development and depth. Please consider this encouragement to continue!
Huh?
I'm a big fan of Loving Wives revenge stories, but this one is just too much of a stretch to swallow. Waaayy too much!!
Yes! A (five) 5.
Not only original but, ...... I read it and comprehended the 19 year wait. The "wait" was calculated and orchestrated.
Note:Some of you need to "read' and comprehend writing.
Great story OH, and we (I) are waiting for another chapter of your contribution of the most intriguing Contract tale!
Thanks for sharing on Lit.
x
Unreal
To carry this charade out this man would have to possess the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon.
You are a decent writer, just please stick to something remotely believable.
Very Creative
I really liked the new twist on this story. Whether it was realistic or not, it was a fun story to read and a really neat twist. I hope you keep writing.
Good read!!!
Lots of fun and good reading from start to finish.
Very Interesting Plot Twist
My thoughts are that it was unreal and great entertainment. But then I love science fiction and fantasy. One action that the story prompted was to add Old Hideki to my favorite author list.
Yes it was a bit over the top...
but it was a fun read. No violence, no threats and a humdinger of an ending. thanks.
Good Read
Good read, made a change from other stories of cuckolded husbands, Loved the way he crewed her 'real' husband into the ground !
Brilliant
Far far different than many of the other stories on this site yet it went over so well that I enjoyed reading it than worrying about getting hot and bothered. Excellent job. You got a new fan
Clever and Entertaining Story
I didn't see this one coming. Well paced and clever story and a fun read. Well done OH!
Bad Luck
It is a shame your story is being posted at the same time as DQS. He is good but so are you!! You are an excellent writer with a very good imagination! Very nice twist in this story. Keep up the good work
Pretty good!
Enjoyed it.
Good Job
Not only was there a unique plot twist but this is a well written story. Thank you for putting in the time to provide a well planned and well written piece.
Sorry
But I have to agree with Harry on this one. Everything was way over the top. I was actually uncomfortable reading it.
Great Job
I dont usually like cuckold stories but this one was a twist.
I was chuckling all throughout the story. I really enjoyed it.
You know, if you had limited it to three or so years, I could have enjoyed this, but 19 FUCKING YEARS?!
Great writing
Loved the story and more so the story twists. WRITE US ANOTHER!!!
WTF?
Are Star Wars and Harry Potter realistic and believable? They pass the "good story" test. What's the problem with this story not being so fulucking realistic? Creative stories are entertaining to everyone except the realism police here. Keep on writing and let us worry about the anon-ass-mous.
WOW talk about tough crowd.
I read most stories for the entertainment value. I think this was a great story with a interesting twist. Its kind of funny people say its so over the top when majority of the stories here pass beyond the "no way it can be true".
Again great story Oldhideki, I look forward to more of your submittions which I can't wait for.
Great story
keep writing
Different but very interesting
It was a novel approach and very readable. I enjoyed it.
One that got away
I missed this one the first time around; glad I found it since it was fun. The credibility test may be weak, but it was just a story, stretched though it may have been. The lawyers can argue fraud, and the "critics" can argue about everything, but it was different and enjoyable (maybe because the good guy won). Thanks for writing.
THAT WAS BRILLIANT I LOVED HOW THRU THE STORY THE TABLES TURNED AT FIRS I THOUGHT WAT A WIMP CUCKOLD . KEEP WRITING PLEASE
thanks
great story. hope to see more of your work soon.loved the twist near the end
it wasn't all jake
Nice touch with the timing and circumstances of the disclosure to jake and stephanie. Warts and all, they belong together.
Feebleminded,disconnected, as if written by a senile halfwit.
And it was !!
Excellent story! It is right: that is the father who brings up the children! DNA test only shows what is the Mother like!
Too clever by half
I see where you went with this, but it really didn't work for me. Yes, I liked the revenge aspects but it was implausible and went from 'interesting dramaa' to 'fantasy' as a result.
You also made a couple of errors. The most grievous of them was 30 year old Diana who was, according to Mark, a child psychologist for 14 years. Unless I misread that, it means she was a hell of a prodigy at 16.
I am not sure what point you were making regarding Jake's retirment. It seemed like a significant set up but...
Why the hell was Jake still his friend?
Nice try. You can come up with clever ideas. What you need is someone to whack on them a bit and get them worked into shape.
I rated it 5*****.
If a fiction story is impossible and certainly this story would be impossible, normally I rate the story 1*. However, I do make exceptions for science fiction, fairy tales, and fantasy. Although this is fiction and not fantasy, based on creativity and originality I decided to make an exception and give this story 5 stars instead of 1 star.
And besides, unlike most impossible fiction stories, I did enjoy this story.
Beaumarchais, Da Ponte, Mozart and Rossini: Viva Figaro.
Excellent story. What a pity only 5 stars are.
THE PATIENCE OF JOB
20 YEARS? A good man and honorable. TK U MLJ LV NV
Nice Shot
I love a real twist. An honorable man and a slut wife. And a real quick smack upside the head for good ol' Jake. And he gets the right girl. Ahhhh, hamburger, pizza, orgasm.
Nice twist of events, still
to sacrefice 20 years of your life to play a stupid prank on someone and living with a women who despises you. He had the last laught, BUT only because this is a story and we didn't really have to live those 20 YEARS with a women who was never his, talking about hell.
Quite
Quite an interesting fairy tale. less a few typos...
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