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The Palms Ch. 01

byofloveandlust©
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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous09/20/10

The Asides Are A Distraction

The interspersed comments between you and your wife (?) are a distraction to the reader. Take the time to write AND edit the story so it is a coherent piece of work, rather than a mish mash of his and her writings that don't maintain consistency of plot, characters, or writing device.

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