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Read and rewrite!!
Lacks decent punctuation and sentence structure. The readers shouldn't have to reconstruct as they read. Get an editor!!!
Forget these punctuation nerds
The story was good and small punctuations errors didn't detract from that. Ignore these people who just want to sound smart - when obvioulsy they are not!
Good Write!
You have a really natural style. It didn't feel forced or artificial. Very comfortable and visual to read. Thanks for the story!
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