All Comments on 'Adam's Little Sister Ch. 01'

great story. I am looking forward to reading more from you.

Very hot.

good script!

Great short story cant wait to read others.

Wow this is really HOT!!!

Don't write anymore.PLEASE! Get a job for a newspaper where you put the rubber bands around them. Now don't try to deliver them, leave that for someone with an IQ that's in triple digits. You just be the little rubberbandman. Lord I hope you don't try to write another story because you just don't have the knack... just plain ol' fuckin dumb!

that was hotttt plz keep writing

Theres not much to praise about this story at all. The plot is incredibly weak, even for the incest genre and the sex is stale and boring, moving through different acts far too quickly.

I can only assume that you frequent mentions of specific porn actors and actresses means that your experience is limited to what you have watched on the net- the story certainly seems that way.

There's a couple of pretty destructive comments here from folk who either don't have the courage to own up to them (i.e. Anonymous) and/or who feel they can pull a story to bits when they've never submitted anything of their own to Literotica. Shame on you. It was the Author's first attempt and whilst the storyline was a bit weak the writing was a-OK and he tried. More importantly, he persevered and subsequent Chapters have pulled really good scores. Good on you, BatsandGlamour. I think you deserved better than you got for this story, and you certainly deserve your subsequent success.

A bit slow to start but very nice with great possibilties

Wasn't she a virgin?

I enjoyed the story very much, good job with the details, it made it exciting! Thanks

How the hell can doug,the story teller,see what susan was doing or her reactions when he was just on thr phone with adam...

Thats just dumb...

So is doug in there with them or does he have hidden camera somewhere in there??

Lol...

He is describing everything in full detail on what is happening at adams place when he is not even there...

Unless he is psychic or has xray vision...hahaha

He could be retelling it as he was told

As has been said the fact that you started your story telling it from a perspective that wasn't there was really confusing. It could probably have been solved with a small paragraph just recapping that it was told to him in confidence or something similar and not "...I’ll never forget that night...", being that he wasn't present.

There was also the fact you kept referring to the only two character by name, constantly. There are two characters, one man and one woman, he and she, him and her, brother and sister, these are all words that could have been used as alternates just to break up the monotony.

I also had an issue with the initial penetration of his "virgin" sister and the fact that he basically fisted her. I mean the vagina is a malleable miracle but for her first time there weren't any issues getting 4 fingers straight into her?

Ah well, the writing wasn't bad considering, with very few errors if any and your use of language was good. I would want you to try stretching it out though in future, get some description in there and build up some tension and get your audience enthralled. And choose a narrative view point that makes sense, either tell it from the view of a disembodied narrator or from the point of view of someone there. If you'd just written it as the brother it would have read so much better.

Re-reading the story. Please write more!

This tale of love and admiration between Adam and Susan is beautiful and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this obviously compelling story.

I wish I had some to share with when growing up. Someone to confide in. To share a special secret with and to hold. Sex, sure. Great way to learn how to love. Thx.

1 His sister does not have a boyfriend

2 She is petite with big tits and little experience

How did he get his ENTIRE HAND IN HER SWEET PUSSY?

3 WHAT HAPPENED TO HER VIRGINITY?

Every thing was great. Susan dearly Loved her brother and would give him EVERYTHING. I assume he Loved her more than her life.

The love story was great and tender

until the fisting and what happen to her hymen

I am Looking for the next chapter.

I hope it is good.

Not possible

I don’t know why these clowns who know this is fiction, not a documentary, criticize about reading improbable scenarios like fisting. Thats the point, isnt it?

Don't care about the improbabilities of the story...I Loved It!! The video mistake...& Susan's response...then Adam not immediately noticing her nudity...

Wonderful, and 5 Stars...ready for the next chapters!

Great story! Cant wait for more

This is a fun, and funny story...why do others insist on making it into a reason to complain??!! "Improbabilities"??...👍 yes!! So what...fantasy story, with a brother and sister who love each other!

Switching the movies into the wrong covers...totally probable...and has probably occurred more often than we would think!

Five Stars...and a sister who want more...

On to Chapter 2...🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠

Hardly realistic, mostly fantasy. Human physiology means nothing in the authors fantasy world.

And, the POV was just too confusing to follow.

But all that said it was pure fun and l give it 3/5