Hi Sharlean;
Loved your story - great detail and so sexy. I have made you a favourite so I can read more of your stories.
Ralph x
by
Anonymous09/29/10
Loved it!
I loved your story, Sharlean. I'm a younger guy who loves being with older women. I could really relate.
by
Anonymous09/29/10
very good
Hi. I also thought your story was very good but it needs some revision. Some of the verb tenses don't agree and there are spelling errors. I think you meant "wrist" instead of "waist," and a few other examples that a careful re-read would have corrected. A lot of commentators seem to think that proper grammar, spelling and syntax are just technicalities that can be ignored. They are wrong. This is our language. Take some care to use it properly. You clearly are pretty good at this but please don't make the reader wince at obvious mistakes when you could easily have corrected them. It reads as if written in haste. Slow down. You clearly are a smart person aside from being a good writer. So use your good head.
brillant story love the way you wrote this very erotic horny story. reading this was such a very exciting thing like watching it taking place.
by
Anonymous10/15/10
well done
What I like about this story is that special care has been taken to develop the seduction of the characters. Attraction, apprehension, anticipation -- they all work wonderfully to build erotic tension in stories and in living.
This being the case, as a story it stands very well on its own. The abrupt and cheeky ending are satisfying in their own right. Of course there will be countless more avenues of pleasure that these characters will explore; your ideal reader can take great delight in fantasizing what they would do next. Yet the seduction and conclusion featuring a lusty good cock sucking does what any good erotic story should -- turn the reader on.
English
Spelling and Gramer need checking!
Nice theme for a series, but spelling and gramer needs a lot of work.
Oh, you tease!
Great story, Sharlean, I loved your descriptions; My only critique is that it ended too soon!
Still laughing at the person who chided you for spelling and "gramer"
Really enjoyed your story
Hi Sharlean;
Loved your story - great detail and so sexy. I have made you a favourite so I can read more of your stories.
Ralph x
Loved it!
I loved your story, Sharlean. I'm a younger guy who loves being with older women. I could really relate.
very good
Hi. I also thought your story was very good but it needs some revision. Some of the verb tenses don't agree and there are spelling errors. I think you meant "wrist" instead of "waist," and a few other examples that a careful re-read would have corrected. A lot of commentators seem to think that proper grammar, spelling and syntax are just technicalities that can be ignored. They are wrong. This is our language. Take some care to use it properly. You clearly are pretty good at this but please don't make the reader wince at obvious mistakes when you could easily have corrected them. It reads as if written in haste. Slow down. You clearly are a smart person aside from being a good writer. So use your good head.
taking the plung with his cock in your mouth
brillant story love the way you wrote this very erotic horny story. reading this was such a very exciting thing like watching it taking place.
well done
What I like about this story is that special care has been taken to develop the seduction of the characters. Attraction, apprehension, anticipation -- they all work wonderfully to build erotic tension in stories and in living.
This being the case, as a story it stands very well on its own. The abrupt and cheeky ending are satisfying in their own right. Of course there will be countless more avenues of pleasure that these characters will explore; your ideal reader can take great delight in fantasizing what they would do next. Yet the seduction and conclusion featuring a lusty good cock sucking does what any good erotic story should -- turn the reader on.
I'll testify to that.
Hot Story!
I hope you carry on with a second part...
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