I really enjoyed the story. As soon as he mentioned his "dead" twin sister I knew who Sandi was. It might have made it a little more interesting to hold his life history until later in the story. Sandi's history was somewhat a lie because of Mary and Joe's actions so that didn't give things away. My one gripe is the meeting where Joe and Mary come clean about what happened. It felt clumsy and passionless. Jeff and Sandi's history and future have just been shredded and it feels like they are discussing their 401K. There is a trickle of emotion but nowhere near what such a revelation should have invoked. Maybe this was partially because I had already guessed what had happened. Mary being a nurse was another give away clue (I also have BIG problems with what she did). So we had a climatic piece to the story that wasn't much of a surprise. I would suggest playing your cards a little closer to your vest in the future. The writing, as usual for a DG Hear story was very good. I liked the romantic buildup between Jeff and Sandi. Of course Trina is a love. Good romance story.
The tell was there halfway through the first page. The story did not suffer though. In fact I was looking for nefarious but the circumstances were acceptable and believable (although improbable).
Good job, DGHear. Another excellent story. Thank you.
For those who read my stories will know that I don't always do the obivious. In this case it was an early tell. I actually thought about not having them related. I was hoping that there would be enough interest to wonder how it all came about.
Thank you all for your comments, they are truly appreciated.
With respect
DG Hear
Well, DGH just keeps producing the goods. This is the best 'free' library going. I was fairly sure very early in the story as to where it was going but it didn't detract from the tale. My only query is why the lead in with a rather nasty 'Tinman' who just dropped off the planet!!! I was waiting to see what skulduggery he was going to cause - and nothing. Please keep writing and posting.
Sandy Koufax was the greatest left-hander who ever lived.
The only difference between his ability to pitch and your ability to write is easy to tell. HE COULDN'T PITCH A NO HITTER EVERY DAY and I've never known you to miss! What a great story, DG! Thanks for all you do.
by
Anonymous10/10/10
Another good read
The title says it all ... another good read from you. Please keep up the good work.
Jerry
I think this story should go into non-erotic or incest category. I realize love can happen between two people regardless of their origin, but I am a victim of my culture. In the same circumstances I probably would have also married my sister,especially if she was a drop dead gorgeous fun fuck, but as a reader (not into incest at all) I find this story vaguely unsettling and somewhat repulsive. Ah well, I'm sure I'll enjoy your next one.
Not because you wrote a comedy, but because the story has a parallel in my own family. Finding each other was like in your story... an instant connection. I got to be Uncle Joe in our family.
Nicely done and on the mark.
Thank you.
by
Anonymous10/11/10
Two little words
To and Too.
PLEASE PLEASE Look them up in the dictionary.
by
Anonymous10/11/10
Medicine to purge the bowels
"...Missy. She is somewhat of a physic." A PHYSIC is defined as "a purgative: a purging medicine; stimulates evacuation of the bowels"
A PSYCHIC is a person who can allegedly read minds and know the future. (Of course if they really could, they'd be rich and not ripping off desperate people)
Perhaps your story should be listed in the Humor section.
by
Anonymous10/11/10
Liked it.
Great story, even though I saw the ending coming early on. It didn't take away from the story. Thank you - again for a great read.
by
Anonymous10/12/10
Excellent
As usual a well done story. A few minor gliches as pointed out, but really a cool story.
Once again , you have shared a great story. I kond of guessed at their relationship , but it was still a pleasant surprise to find them to be twins. I'm looking forward to your next story.
Thanks DGH!
by
Anonymous10/17/10
wrong category
I agree, this should have been placed in the incest/taboo category. I was really into the story, it started out so nicely. Then, it got weird. It was well-written though. Also, I think you lost the Halloween theme fairly early on.
It was a very good story. I liked the beginning and ending the most. It went a little fast on the second page. But, it was a very nice one. Keep it up and good luck for contest.
The title along with the information in the first page gave away what was confirmed on the last. If there were a way to do more disguising of the outcome I believe it would have enhanced the story. But again, nice story which I enjoyed. Thanks!
Only a writer of your stature can write an incestuous story like this and sell it to use readers. Only question would be how many different last names are in their towns phone book? LOL
I'm an adoptee myself, and I've met all of my 'genetic relations'. And it's true - I feel an uncanny connection with both of my half-sisters; we just 'get' each other in some intrinsic way. I could easily imagine, if I had met one of them 'out of the blue', not knowing we were related, that I might fall hard for her. . .
Karen hit it exactly what I was trying to think up how to say it.
Incest, if it is an equal relationship, no problems, If forced whole different story
by
Anonymous08/19/15
Adopted
You have written a lot of good to great and a few that were not so good but this has to be your very best up till now. It is worth a lot more then 5 but that is all they allow. more like this please!
Ed Grocott
edgrocott@gmail.com
by
Anonymous11/07/15
WORTH EVERY STAR
Heartwarming story which hit very close to home. Thank you very much and please keep it up. You touched on the plight of orphans and foster kids and your protagonists handled it with passion, grace and love.
Perhaps Uncle Joe and Sandi's mom should have told them about being related, before they started having sex.
In the real world most people would find incest disgusting, and not just have this laissez faire attitude towards it, nor allow siblings to have sex without warning them.
by
Anonymous06/08/16
Should have been in the Incest/Taboo category.
But I gave it a 4.
Never would have read it if you hadn't tricked me!
though got a bit confusing as to who adopted who....but in the end despite actually being brother and sister they made a good family...it does happen where siblings live together and have children..but also glad they were able to adopt the other kids...liked it...
Wonderful
Thank you
Fantastic
you never disappoint, and this time you did the best one so far in my opinion.
I loved it!
I knew Sandi was Jeff's twin. Still this was a lovely story. I am so glad everything worked out for them.
Good and attractive story
The threat of the Tin Man sputtered out before the mask of the Batman.
The first person does get a bit tiresome in this story which sort of surprised me.
Is this Florida?
What I mean is ...Can I vote again and again for this entry??? Great story!!! I LOVED it..
Another GOOD ONE!
That's two good ones in the last couple of days. Keep the ROLL Going!
Good story
I really enjoyed the story. As soon as he mentioned his "dead" twin sister I knew who Sandi was. It might have made it a little more interesting to hold his life history until later in the story. Sandi's history was somewhat a lie because of Mary and Joe's actions so that didn't give things away. My one gripe is the meeting where Joe and Mary come clean about what happened. It felt clumsy and passionless. Jeff and Sandi's history and future have just been shredded and it feels like they are discussing their 401K. There is a trickle of emotion but nowhere near what such a revelation should have invoked. Maybe this was partially because I had already guessed what had happened. Mary being a nurse was another give away clue (I also have BIG problems with what she did). So we had a climatic piece to the story that wasn't much of a surprise. I would suggest playing your cards a little closer to your vest in the future. The writing, as usual for a DG Hear story was very good. I liked the romantic buildup between Jeff and Sandi. Of course Trina is a love. Good romance story.
A 10 in my book!
Very well done, sir.
Not bad.
I agree with jasonh that the reveal was clumsy and rushed, but the rest of the story was well done indeed.
Another great story
DG you did it again. Another great story keep up the good work.
jasonnh called it...
The tell was there halfway through the first page. The story did not suffer though. In fact I was looking for nefarious but the circumstances were acceptable and believable (although improbable).
Good job, DGHear. Another excellent story. Thank you.
DG Hear
For those who read my stories will know that I don't always do the obivious. In this case it was an early tell. I actually thought about not having them related. I was hoping that there would be enough interest to wonder how it all came about.
Thank you all for your comments, they are truly appreciated.
With respect
DG Hear
Another good one
Well, DGH just keeps producing the goods. This is the best 'free' library going. I was fairly sure very early in the story as to where it was going but it didn't detract from the tale. My only query is why the lead in with a rather nasty 'Tinman' who just dropped off the planet!!! I was waiting to see what skulduggery he was going to cause - and nothing. Please keep writing and posting.
Sandy Koufax was the greatest left-hander who ever lived.
The only difference between his ability to pitch and your ability to write is easy to tell. HE COULDN'T PITCH A NO HITTER EVERY DAY and I've never known you to miss! What a great story, DG! Thanks for all you do.
Another good read
The title says it all ... another good read from you. Please keep up the good work.
Jerry
omg
the story is just to amazing,
Pretty Weird
I think this story should go into non-erotic or incest category. I realize love can happen between two people regardless of their origin, but I am a victim of my culture. In the same circumstances I probably would have also married my sister,especially if she was a drop dead gorgeous fun fuck, but as a reader (not into incest at all) I find this story vaguely unsettling and somewhat repulsive. Ah well, I'm sure I'll enjoy your next one.
Truly great.
Put a lump in the throat. I loved it.
But yes there was an early tell, SO what.
Please keep it up.
I laughed!
Not because you wrote a comedy, but because the story has a parallel in my own family. Finding each other was like in your story... an instant connection. I got to be Uncle Joe in our family.
Nicely done and on the mark.
Thank you.
Two little words
To and Too.
PLEASE PLEASE Look them up in the dictionary.
Medicine to purge the bowels
"...Missy. She is somewhat of a physic." A PHYSIC is defined as "a purgative: a purging medicine; stimulates evacuation of the bowels"
A PSYCHIC is a person who can allegedly read minds and know the future. (Of course if they really could, they'd be rich and not ripping off desperate people)
Perhaps your story should be listed in the Humor section.
Liked it.
Great story, even though I saw the ending coming early on. It didn't take away from the story. Thank you - again for a great read.
Excellent
As usual a well done story. A few minor gliches as pointed out, but really a cool story.
Another great story
Once again , you have shared a great story. I kond of guessed at their relationship , but it was still a pleasant surprise to find them to be twins. I'm looking forward to your next story.
Thanks DGH!
wrong category
I agree, this should have been placed in the incest/taboo category. I was really into the story, it started out so nicely. Then, it got weird. It was well-written though. Also, I think you lost the Halloween theme fairly early on.
great story
as always you managed to keep me till the end for another good read
It was a very good story. I liked the beginning and ending the most. It went a little fast on the second page. But, it was a very nice one. Keep it up and good luck for contest.
Predictable but nice ...
The title along with the information in the first page gave away what was confirmed on the last. If there were a way to do more disguising of the outcome I believe it would have enhanced the story. But again, nice story which I enjoyed. Thanks!
Another good story be a good author
Another homerun. While predictable as noted by another reader I really enjoyed it.
Yeah, right...
Cleveland Browns Superbowl Champions? *rolls eyes*
Great writer
I now know it is improper language somehow, but that D.G has to stand for doggone good keep on writing this was really outstanding....
gotta say
i love a love story and this was nice.
Brave Story
Only a writer of your stature can write an incestuous story like this and sell it to use readers. Only question would be how many different last names are in their towns phone book? LOL
Sweet Story
I'm an adoptee myself, and I've met all of my 'genetic relations'. And it's true - I feel an uncanny connection with both of my half-sisters; we just 'get' each other in some intrinsic way. I could easily imagine, if I had met one of them 'out of the blue', not knowing we were related, that I might fall hard for her. . .
A very sweet story and it came out just as I wished.
Since I am the only one that has to be pleased as far as I am concerned, DG, just disregard any naysayers. Thank you for writing.
No shit - too nice for words -
Thanks -
Anyone who has issues with the story and incest - get a grip -
I Knew!
I knew she was his sister, wasn't sure how they'd explain his sister's "death".
Neat twist having her inability to have children make the incest moot.
Also neat, if sad, enabling them to grow their family anyway.
Agree with Karen
Karen hit it exactly what I was trying to think up how to say it.
Incest, if it is an equal relationship, no problems, If forced whole different story
Adopted
You have written a lot of good to great and a few that were not so good but this has to be your very best up till now. It is worth a lot more then 5 but that is all they allow. more like this please!
Ed Grocott
edgrocott@gmail.com
WORTH EVERY STAR
Heartwarming story which hit very close to home. Thank you very much and please keep it up. You touched on the plight of orphans and foster kids and your protagonists handled it with passion, grace and love.
Very nice
This story is a tad unbelievable. But it is a wonderful, emotionally very moving story. The ending was exceptional.
A bit contrived
Perhaps Uncle Joe and Sandi's mom should have told them about being related, before they started having sex.
In the real world most people would find incest disgusting, and not just have this laissez faire attitude towards it, nor allow siblings to have sex without warning them.
Should have been in the Incest/Taboo category.
But I gave it a 4.
Never would have read it if you hadn't tricked me!
Thanks!
another nice tale
though got a bit confusing as to who adopted who....but in the end despite actually being brother and sister they made a good family...it does happen where siblings live together and have children..but also glad they were able to adopt the other kids...liked it...
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