Well, well, well... i certainly didn't expect THIS! What a refreshing twist from the usual "non-human" entries i've seen and read over the past! i really enjoyed Your story, truly! i didn't expect the twin sisters aspect and You told the tale without being too 'earthy' with the language. What You did have/use, was just the right touch for Your tale.
This is good to hear, I really liked it, and am glad to find out that all I have to do is hang around the house after I die and I can still get laid. lol
by
Anonymous10/17/10
Great
Great story!! I really liked how you made everything seem like it was real for the reader. Great job once again and good luck!
by
Anonymous10/18/10
Please find an editor
From the jagged tenses to the misspellings, this was quite annoying to try to read. It was very unoriginal as well.
I appreciate your comments and advice, well what advice there was. I am sorry your time was so unpleasantly spent. I will check it over and see where I made the mistakes that bothers you. As far as unorigional, while I have read stories that have someone spending time with a stranger in an old house only to find out that it had been a ghost, I truly felt I had added a few new wrinkles. But again I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, most don't, even as anonymous.
by
Anonymous03/05/12
This was interesting but i felt lacking. In terms of it being a short story about mystery passion, it succeeded, but if your aim was an erotic story is think it failed. Apart from the initial sexual contact you failed to describe anything that happened that evening, you rushed the bits you did describe and you left me personally as a reader dissatisfied and disappointed. I would strong suggest rewriting this chapter with alot more detail and careful development of the scene. It has potential, i just feel you didn't meet it.
Good luck in the contest, it was a tidy fun little story.
A wonderful story!
This is a great story, particularly as an introduction to this author's work. We look forward to reading any future works by Merlinslair.
Short but sweet!
I loved your story and the ending made me laugh out loud! It was great, keep writing!
Enjoyable Read!
Well, well, well... i certainly didn't expect THIS! What a refreshing twist from the usual "non-human" entries i've seen and read over the past! i really enjoyed Your story, truly! i didn't expect the twin sisters aspect and You told the tale without being too 'earthy' with the language. What You did have/use, was just the right touch for Your tale.
Thank You for a really good read!
even twin ghosts
Loved it, see guys always have that twin fantasy, even if they are banging a pair of ghosts, look forward to reading your other work
Can't Wait
This is good to hear, I really liked it, and am glad to find out that all I have to do is hang around the house after I die and I can still get laid. lol
Great
Great story!! I really liked how you made everything seem like it was real for the reader. Great job once again and good luck!
Please find an editor
From the jagged tenses to the misspellings, this was quite annoying to try to read. It was very unoriginal as well.
Thank you for your input
I appreciate your comments and advice, well what advice there was. I am sorry your time was so unpleasantly spent. I will check it over and see where I made the mistakes that bothers you. As far as unorigional, while I have read stories that have someone spending time with a stranger in an old house only to find out that it had been a ghost, I truly felt I had added a few new wrinkles. But again I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, most don't, even as anonymous.
This was interesting but i felt lacking. In terms of it being a short story about mystery passion, it succeeded, but if your aim was an erotic story is think it failed. Apart from the initial sexual contact you failed to describe anything that happened that evening, you rushed the bits you did describe and you left me personally as a reader dissatisfied and disappointed. I would strong suggest rewriting this chapter with alot more detail and careful development of the scene. It has potential, i just feel you didn't meet it.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Old Manchester Place or
More submissions by Merlinslair.