All Comments on 'Iced in, Snow Storm'

Where is the rest of this story? It wasn't sexy and it really didn't have any plot to go anywhere, it just ended abruptly. Short stories are fine, but make sure they have decent plot and actually have an ending.

Simply not long enough.

I can only imagine that this is just the first chapter of this story, and that there will be a lot of cuddling later.

With the theme of the three of them being cold and close together,trying to stay warm, there should be sex between them.

I hope that the next chapter has some sex in it, otherwise it would be a waste of time.

Sort of

sort of

sort of annoying

sort of a bad story

sort of

I was left totally bemused, did the copy ang paste miss out the remaining 90% of the story and you didn't notice?

1 star for the effort. 2 stars if you promise to never submit anything to this web site again.

Sorry but you just wasted my time! Do yourself a favor and don't submit anything here unless you have a good story to tell!

THREE separate times you mention Coleman...TWICE you mention Primus. Do you work for either of these companies, or a camping gear retailer?

What else? NINE times you use the word "COLD", plus THREE instances of mentioning the EXACT temperature. Ok, we get it-the fucking house is cold!

Let me give you a hint here: This is an EROTIC story website; there is not even a HINT of eroticism anywhere in this story. Worse yet, there isn't even a suggestion that more chapters are forthcoming.

What a mess...incest my ass! This disaster reads like it's someone's blog post.

really this isnt that bad a job for a base to a good story BUT its only a start. if its all the story you plan on here, sorry it sucks

This is the dumbest story I have ever tried to read.

Stop writing...lame

I am sorry that a lead up to a story does not sit well. There are more installments to come, and many of you might be pleased with them. I can see that this is not what I would call a patient audience. If you are not interested, fine. If you are, come and see what happens when it gets really cold.

For the commenter that thinks that I am pimping brands because I work for them, I am certainly not doing that. These are things that I have used in my personal life, and know that they work well. If you have a problem with reality, I regret that you do. I just think that you are mad because the story did not go any further.

Good stories are not woven in five minutes. This one will take many hours to come to fruition. Please be patient with me. The second installment will be posted in a few minutes.

Regards,

TheBeckFactor

its terrible

Every good story needs a lead up.

Looking forward to part two and staying warm. :)

This is not a story, it's the opening page. Sheesh, if you don't know how to write then read some of the other submissions. This was just lame

Did you run out of paper or what?

Most people post the entire story at once, not one page at a time.

Learn how to write or get lost!

Dude there's an opening installment and there's your 1 pager...At least if it's an opening part go into details to set up the characters, plot, and what not...I think I could've written better erotica at age 12..

Don't let the other comments discourage you; keep going. However in fairness to them, you could have provided a hint (or more) of the sexual tension that your story will explore.

This story appeared to be very disjointed and poorly written by a young child...

I must disagree, because I liked what i read...Yes the story ended as it was getting good . & that in itself gives one something to look forward to..Now as a test of our "I-Q"... ONE WOOD THINK THAT IF WEE DID KNOT LIKE THE STORY WEE WOOD STOP READING IT & THERE FORE KNOT NO HOW IT TURNED OUT..EYE MYSELF ENJOYED WHAT WAS WRITTEN..I WAS ALSO PLEASED THAT IT WAS READABLE... NOW TWO MOVE ON TO THE 2nd PART..JO

but the room temp was 1 degree warmer the next day?

...At least not an erotic one. It seems to me to be more of a prelude than a full story.

That said, i will certainly check out the second part. I like the writing here, just not the incomplete ideas.

The premise is great, but it surely ssems an odd place to stop. The plot was moving along then all of a sudden, SCREECH! It's done. Not a good stopping point. Hopefully you are working on Chapter 2.