All Comments on 'Dyke or Queen Choice for Halloween'

Look, points for trying, but this is really clumsy writing.

There's probably a half decent story in here somewhere, but as it stands at the moment, it's an incredibly difficult read. Perhaps try working with one of Lit's volunteer editors before submitting again - maybe even rework this story with them...?

I have no idea what you are man or woman, but you write it all.

I can understand why the last poster wrote that this was difficult to read, as there was a lot of narrative, but after reading the entire story, which I doubt the poster did, I realize your need to write what you wrote to develop your character.

I felt triumpant at the end when Audrey emerged out of the closet. This story read real. You're character was alive with complex indecision and personal torment.

I don't know how you do it, but please keep doing it. Great story. Just wonderful.

A Very Well Written Story. I Found It very Sexciting. I'm So Glad That Audrey Finnaly Found It Within Herself To Approach Mary Ellen. Hmmm Approach Is Wrong Maybe Seduce Be more Of A Description.

Being A "Small Town Closet Lipstick Lesbian" I Know Too Well

Mary Ellen & Audrey's Predictament. Thank You For Putting Such an Insightful And Sexciting Story On Line.

Kisses

Lesbian Kris

love the story funny in part it made a differents to the other story you write. being i like the talk of the little dick and turning her into a lesbian because the men didn't fit the bill. great more

I have been in a similar place and time in my life. You did a very sensitive and telling story of what it is like for women who are gay to be recognized as people who want to be in a couple,too

Andi - if I may call you that, since Andtheend is quite a mouthful? Andi, you describe yourself as straight in your bio. Which makes your understanding of what it's like to be trapped and terrified, hiding in the closet all the more amazing.

Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt, and all my fears came flooding back. Your writing is, at times, poetic, at others, humorous. Loved "choo the fuck choo" - hilariously endearing.

A lady, huh? Absolutely, I say; a pretty, talented one at that. Please keep writing

Tender ending, but hardly adventurous. What is this, a version of the old gay scene joke:

What does a gay man bring to a second date? What second date?

What does a lesbian bring to a second date? A U-Haul.

So much for playing the field!

Although the angst of the first part seemed to be getting a little repetitive, at least it was going in an interesting direction and was certainly well-written. To have two closeted dykes come together in the closet seems anti-climactic. Almost wish she'd worn the beauty queen dress with work boots and a flannel top, met Mary Ellen at the party, danced with her and let the town deal with it.

But I did, mostly, enjoy this story. Thanks!

Adorable! IMO, Audrey should wear a wifebeater and boxers. But that's just nitpicking.

And then you go and describe with such detail, the agonizing fear that as a closet lesbian, torments us everyday. I recognize myself and many other gay women, in your stories. And the way you develop the characters at the beginning of your stories for me, really brings the character to life. "Well Written"

A straight lady that is amazing... _ Now for the negative part of my comments.

After all that build up! All we're getting is. Audrey and Mary Ellen went as a couple to the Halloween party?? They moved in together, The End??

You're seriously stopping the story right there??

Thank You, Ogla.

(PS) Freddie,

I grew up and graduated from high school in Sayre, Oklahoma. Being a lesbian, my highschool years were miserable. Always afraid that someone would find out and tell everyone, I was a dirty Lesbian Dyke! I seen it happen to other girls and I don't think any of them were gay, just an easy target. So the minute I graduated I moved to California, that's where I meet the love of my life Sonja. We had been together for 3 years when, I received my 5 year graduation party invitation for me and a guest. I didn't want to go, I had enough of Sayre High, and all the rest of those small minded, big mouthed hypocrites, grew up in Sayre. But Sonja said lets go it will fun, you can see how fat cheerleaders and jocks got. At the party I was given a name tags, on my tag; Ogla H.... on Sonja's; Guest. Graduation Party was being held at the Veterans hall. There was a bar and live music. Sonja and I sit at a table listening to the music and had a drink. Enoughing had changed, they were just a little older. Every now and then someone would come up to me, look at my tag and say something, I heard you might be coming or ho yay Ogla, I remember you. Then they go back to their tables, looking and whispering. I told Sonja, I knew this was a mistake, lets just go. Sonja said, I haven't even had 1 dance yet and I want another drink, then if you still want to go, I'll call us a cab. On the way to the bar Sonja went across the dancefloor. No, she danced across the floor and up to the bandleader, said something as she handed him something. At the bar one of the guys ask her for a dance, Sonja said no thank you, I'm with that Beautiful Lesbian sitting over there. All eyes were on Sonja, as she came back with the drinks, set them on the table and said come on Ogla, I want to dance. Now I'm not a very good dancer. But Sonja is a wonderful dancer, she dances like sex in motion out on the dancefloor. The band was playing some slow music, Sonja was standing with her hand out waiting for me. I said aww fuckem! let's dance, Sonja's face lit up. We danced for 20 minutes all alone, no one else on the dancefloor. Sonja said look Ogla, no one is dancing, I think it's the slow music. She had me stand with my back to the band and said, let's really give them something to talk about. Sonja looked up and nodded at the bandleader, and the music starts out slow, then gets faster, faster and faster. Sonja, dances out across the floor and then turned back towards me, as she's dancing back to me, there was no doubt on anyone's mind what she was thinking. When Sonja was right in front of me, she took my hand and dropped to her knees. The music stopped and Sonja said, Ogla I love you, will you marry me? I was in shock, all I could say was yes, yes. Sonja kissed me right in front of everyone, I heard the bandleader say, now there goes two hot girls. Back at our table I finished my drink in one gulp. Sonja was looking at me smiling and ask what do you think, did we give them enough to talk about? Or should I lay you across the table and eat your pussy?

As we left the party, Sonja and I were bought arrested for indecent behavior in public, because of someone calling the police.

Now this is the ending I was hoping to read, will I would leave out being arrested.

Ogla.

I enjoyed this very much

I loved your story..

Thank you.

Gay Kat.