Just the Six of Us Ch. 13

Awesome

just when i thought this story couldn't get better, i read this. It was hilarious, the feud between mike and his voice is hilarious. how he is being tormented cracks me up. Keep up the amazing story

Funny

It is funny. How Mike & the girls get around the voice. Just don't let this two week bet take up to many chapters. Is Beth in on the tease too?

Love it

I can't help but love this story. The teasing between everyone makes the whole story seem that much more real. The constant bickering with the inner voice is just hilarious. Keep it up

cross categories

if the site cross categorized stories, this should also go under "humor and satire."

BTW, Mike is one of the healthiest schizophrenics I've ever seen or read about. I realize his eventual surrender is a given, but it would be nice to see him win the bet.

Love it, Love it, Love it!!!

I'm a mentalcase if I don't find another chapter of this story posted everyday. This is a great story!

well...

its really a great story with cross category ability's, HOWEVER... for the ENTIRETY of this "book/novel/erotic literature", you have been teasing about beth... he REALLY needs to nail her... and HARD, somehow the torture of the delay really needs to make it the best experience for them BOTH and also tie her to him as well... beth gets me more excited then the others and more so when my own mind conjures situations where she DOES GET NAILED... hurry that up... theres still going to be plenty of story to write even after they fuck, but they need to, soon!

Another great chapter

Excellent, yet again! Keep up the good work. I especially loved the technicality that Mike used against the Voice.

just brilliant

It is so refreshing to discover a writer who can mix the sensual content with the intrigue that leaves a reader trying to second guess the next step. PLEASE do not stop writing. Stories like this do not come along very often.

Great!

Loved this chapter, please keep this series going!

Yay!

Another excellent chapter! One of the best series on the site - one of my all time favorites!

Please don't stop!

Damn Good

Just damn good. This thing has red H's on almost every chapter. That is hard to pull off no matter what the category. You describe the actions of the characters perfectly. Things like the finger wag. I have not seen many writers here attempt to go into that kind of detail. Only the good ones. I know exactly what you mean without having to guess. I still think two sisters who are bold and two who were a little more subdued would be cool. If it meant something to Beth it would even things out. Regardless, this is good shit man.

I forgot something

Keep it up, pigfucker!

Fantastic Series

Really enjoying the way it's going. Thanks for giving notice as to when you're posting new chapters too, it's appreciated.

Good news and Bad news

The bad news? I haven't started writing 15 yet :(

The good news? 14 is with the editor and should be here soon.

Sunday and Tuesday are my days off, so I tend to write best on those days.

@RHinSNC very funny. :)

You are killing us!!!

This story is just so great, I can hardly wait for the next chapter!

Got carried away, I'm afraid.

My writer made mention that ch 13 was the longest chapter yet. He "was" correct. He hasn't seen ch 14 yet. The title of this post speaks for itself.

And we are sure enjoying that fact that his readers are so enjoying themselves. We thank you.

Awesome

Each ch. is getting more and more awesome keep up the excellent work can't wait for ch. 14.

Win. Can't wait for "the" Beth chapter... whenever that is :)

Enjoyable Chapter 13

Jerry in Washington State, USA - I enjoyed how the Voice was tricked about Danni. I thought for sure Mike had lost the bet. I'm interested in what happens next, but tired of waiting for Beth and Mike to get together. But I'll stick thru a few more chapters and see what happens.

Keep it up

Waiting for the next chapter... your story is hot with a little romance thrown in...very well written

Great story

I am so glad that I started reading this story when you started posting it. I am seriously hooked and continue to wait for the next installment which always tops the one before it.

Kind of curious to see what the future will hold for Mike and Danni once this whole bet with his inner self is done with. Kind of keeping my fingers crossed that they remain together and possibly have kids.

WOW

Like I said before... let the teasing begin... Great writing. I cannot wait for the next chapter to come :D

Next Chapter

Submitted Sunday, 12:30ish. It should be up Wed or Thursday by lunch.

Great pacing, story development

This is _SUCH_ a romp. I'm starting to worry about Mike's voice... he's losing his (virtual) touch. :)

MentalCase, you write a mean chapter-by-chapter. Keep up the good work and _don't_burn_out!_ It's hard to write long term when folks are mewling for more and more and MORE.

Great work. Thanks for these incredible gifts!

Keep it up..

One of the best series on Lit. Period.

Wow.

So I stumbled across this the other day and you have created one of the best series on LIT. Your stories keep my interest piqued the whole time, and your incorporation of fun and laughter is revitalizing.
-reader in AZ, USA

Love your story

Just can't wait for the 2 weeks to be over.
Like the previous commenter. I can't wait for Mike to get to Beth.
I'll wait, I love to listen to the voices in Mike's head.

SO FUN!

That "voice" inside this guy's head is what most men are thinking anyway! This is fucking hillarious! I love it! Thanks...

hilarious!

The voice is so fucking funny!
Excellent stuff

ROFL!!

at the voice ofcourse!!!

PP

Aside from this story being great...Pringles should be paying your for the amazing product placement. Fuck I really want some right now.

Loved it!

As usual, you rocked it.

One of the best yet

Ok this chapter was great! A little of all of them.

Just keeps getting better

Can help but continue to read....very hot, very addicting so very gald I found the story and decided to give it a try. If the rest is written like the first 13 chapters it will be an amazing read...did I say this was amazing and hot?

Gotta love the voice

" 'I FUCKING HATE YOU!!' "...LMAO...great job in making the voice so real and so damn funny at the right time! Again proving to be erotic hot and a very addictive and entertaing read

The Voice is Beast

Voice for President

Intrigued

The whole debate with the voice, You did good bringing the voice out almost as its own character.

Simple way for Mike to win the bet...

is to tell the girls that they can fuck him any time they want. The way to get them to stop wanting him is to put some conditions on access. Something like "watch them all take their BCPs every morning and tatoo 'Property of Michael' on their /mons pubis/".

That, of course, would significantly shorten the story...

Yeah, fantastic.

I love the voice..... Especially this line:

" "Son-of... motherfu..., you fucking air headed, brain dead, dick beating, ass grabbing, dildo sucking, ass monkey!" "

Love it!

OMG, you are freaking hysterical. Love the passion, the romance, the sex, but most of all, LOVE the humor!!

BEST STORY ON THE SITE

spending a lot of time ROFLMAO

Hysterical...

But utterly pointless. We all know how this is going to turn out.

Advice

Sorry if I sound like a nanny, but you asked for advice.

First: proofread your work for any missed mistakes, and have someone trusted read it (not a sister, of course)

Second: put more POV in sisters' "eyes"

this is really good....

Like i said in the heading....this is really good! I just dont like the relationship between him and Danni.... Truthfully she doesnt deserve to be first at everything, nor does she deserve all the attention she gets from his. I guess out of all the sisters i like her least of all!!! How she smells....how she taste....how good her pussy feels....how she gives the best head.... It goes on and on and on....he praises her more than the others....he worships her more than the others...hell je even gave her a present...a special present and fucked her when he didn't fuck others down. She doesnt have to do anything for him to deserve his affections and the other girl damn near have to rape him to get his attention. She just doesnt deserce all of that, she really doesnt... And thats the only thing i dont like about this story.....othe tan that i just love it. You have a wonderful sense of humor amd the voice is just exellent. Your writting style is well developed and very believable. Please continue. And thank you.

Just a few thoughts on writing fiction and genre choice

First, I'm not a hater. ;) Also a writer, though not on this site (so far). Getting the obvious out of the way, there is still quite a bit of editing that could be done...though, since the story is finished i doubt there is much motivation to go back.

Characterization is a strength, and you, for the most part handled it well up to this point. Well, to chapter twelve anyway. The story was, in essence, a romantic comedy. The 'voice', a piece of Mike's own perverted subconscious, basically, provided a great humorous counterpoint. The focus was the development of relationships between very clearly differentiated characters. As a guy, I was a fan of all of the sisters, the development of the relationship between Mike and Danni was phenomenal. At first. It is understood that, at the beginning, there was a need there. But, like kris10e said, Mike, who was so worshipful of Sarah early on, in the way she gave unequivocally, serving the family; and repeatedly acknowledging the twin bond with Emma, suddenly relegates them both to begging for scraps of affection, taking sex as the best they could get, while continuing to shower the love on Danni. Within the space of a couple chapters I found myself resenting Danni becoming the 'queen' of the house hold, who Sarah has to come to and plead for equal access. Wow. What a way to foster sibling resentment.

Genre as I said, started as romantic comedy of the higher sort. Comparing it to movies, you had a nice 'Sleepless in Seattle' or something going. Then, in chapter twelve, it suddenly becomes 'Dumb and Dumber'. The genre switches to dumb humor, in which humor, rather then the story becomes the driving force. Mikes 'voice', who was a humorous sidekick becomes a main character. Mike becomes a moron who would risk hurting his sisters (something he would never have done before), for the sake of a bet he made with himself?!? Really? Any normal person, even if they had come to the point of arguing with them self...and even saying they did consciously bet their own horny conscience, would immediately say, 'duh'. Who cares if I break a bet I made with myself. It's not like I'm going to force myself to pay some made up penalty. And so, the story becomes driven by an attempt at a humorous plot twist, and essentially looses itself.

i know there will be many who disagree with this. Especially those who enjoy the whole 'stupid humor' genre. In its place it's fine. Plenty of TV shows derive their success from that genre. The point is, that wasn't where you started. You essentially abandoned well crafted characters to begin acting in improbable ways. Maybe/possibly you reverted and rescued the story later. I don't know. I just couldn't take the pain. :) I found myself hurting too much for the sisters to keep going.

Good luck on future writing.

As for the comments of wannabee editors, critics and shoulda, coulda be writers....

.....unless you're volunteering your time....FUCK THE HELL OFF!!! Literotica is for those of us who want just what this author is giving...readable, sometimes plausable, definitely inventive HOT SEX FAN-TA-SEE!!!! The grammatical errors, verb tense errors, and all that other literary shit is fine in THIS storyline and from this authour. The author cares enough dammit to get someone else to help.....evidently NOT YOU! This reader wants what is given...a plausable, relatively grammatically described inner and outer dialouge that helps a plot and descriptive action scenes on to their HOT SEX conclusions. So BACK THE FUCK OFF or offer your services in a private feedback, or write your OWN shit! It's THE AUTHOR's universe and we're all just Peeping Toms passing through. Don't care for the construction? LEAVE! Handle your business Mental....

keep writing

this chapter is cute, sweet and sexy; can not read fast enough. enjoyable read this couple of days and I see several more chapters...yeaaaay many thanks for posting in Lerotica!

awesome

really loving this story i find it hard to stop reading. Thanks

This story is awesome..the way you weave it around is great..keep doing exactly what you're doing

Great

Hypocritical much/

so girls can hold out, drive a guy crazy say no and then he has to deal with it until she decides otherwise. but here he cant be respected in his decisions? that is so hypocritical and so wrong. its like a bar saying ladies night, its sexist to let girls in free on this night but then never hold a night for guys to get in free. his decision is admirable trying ot learn some self control and all these girls are doing is forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do, atleast for a while, its not right to do that to him. if girls wishes are respected then how come boys aren't? he shouldn't be forced and should get some revenge in some way for them forcing him like this. love the story hate this twist