by plusseven
Your story just seems to jump into it ... there's no build-up to the plot and no explaining anything. You've been around this site for awhile ... use somebody to bounce your work off for suggestions. It's not a bad story, it just doesn't develope.
I liked it a lot. There has been a proliferation here of people who write ten page stories and don't get to the goods until page nine - and then you get a TO BE CONTINUED that never gets followed up on. Sometimes you want to get right into it. Keep this series going.
You have potential... this is a hot idea. But, it needs some background and build up.
Make a part 2 or one similar , older white gig maybe 60s with young latina
I get that it's a vignette, but without any comparison to her behaviour prior to this seduction, it comes off pretty shallow. Sure, it's a challenge to describe a convincing seduction that happens in no time at all, but that's what separates the good writers from the rest.
SO much that didn't happen in this story, & should have been left-out & saved for a prequel!!!