A Bundle of Wild Cards - Epilogue

both of these endings are pathetic. The KEY issues in the ORIGINAL story are NOT even mentioned

In the ORGINAL story by Hansbwl the term "MALE PRIDE/ MALE EGO" is used many TIMES. Not surprisingly there is almost NO focus at all on what the wife did for 30 years.

NONE.

Whenever you see an author do that you know something is wrong and the story is about to go into the shitter.

Sure enough that is why the Original story drew such a strong reaction. The wife's entire defense was " well since up until last week... you (THE HUSBAND) did not know about my 30 years of cheating... it didnt affect US so what are you complaining about?".

Neither of these 2 new endings deal with that KEY point at all.

Secondly, in the ORIGINAL story the husband made plans to take the wife away on her dream Vacation but she turned him down because that was the date she was suppsoe to me her lover.

AGAIN that key issue was NEVER dealth with in the Original story... and it is not mentioned here in these two new so called endings .

Its clear that the 1st " ending" one is written by some sort mental twit.... a real Moron who seems to think severe sexual torture is well...OK and no big deal.

Then you... Hansbwl... in a equally strange twist decided swing as far the other way in to spineless emasculated metrosexual ending.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

is it too much these days to ask authors to deal with the issues/ conflicts that THEY bring up in their own stories?

Nope, neither does it for me.

First, to the author's own ending. Simply put, you shouldn't have bothered doing an ending. The ending to the original was far better. Let her spend the rest of her days--or at least an extended period of time--being served the same dish with the same sanctimonious and bullshit justifications that she used. Of course, hubby's "wild cards" is different from wife's in that she has (mistaken) full knowledge of what he's (supposedly) doing whereas hubby was blissfully ignorant. Still, the "wild cards" at least let her now experience the pain and anguish that he's experiencing now that he knows about her incredibly long-term affair and betrayal.

This ending, though, took away the little bit of satisfaction the original ending provided. In this ending, she discovered he didn't do to her what she'd so egregiously done to him and they lived happily ever after until her death. Really? Where's the constant pain hubby would feel. Remember, in the original story hubby's justifications for staying with her was that he was 70 and too old to find someone else and he didn't want to die alone. That doesn't mean, however, that he'd just forgive and forget. Sure, they'd have their happy moments, but they'd also have their bitter moments. Such over the top betrayals are not so easily forgotten. Here, though, the betrayal was simply cast aside. I find that incredibly hard to stomach.

As for the alternative epilogue? Well, it wasn't based on the original story, that's for damned sure. The author failed to note that (1) wife and asshole were both retired from the hospital and (2) the statute of limitations had long since run on any of the all-too-cliche "let's sue the employer" bullshit. And, unless his name is Dahmer, Gacy, or Bundy or similar ilk, it's pretty disgusting to envision torturing and then killing a 70-year old man in the manner described. Simply put, the alternative was pure fantasy, and pretty goddamned sick fantasy at that.

Better to have let the original stand as originally posted.

Thank you Harry,

for writing such long and pointed comment. However, if all problems were solved the right and proper way, there would be no drama, conflicts, fights and thence no stories - or only booring stories. I am very pleased that you did not like the first ending, you should have seen this readers comments to me, they make your comments into kindergarden stuff by comparison. Have a good day.

Hansbwl

I am not asking that ALL conflicts be fully resolved or resolved in nice tight neat packages. But ignoring them isnt good either.

your ORIGINAL story was good and ORIGINAL. The husband making his case that he was 70 years old and too late start again is 100% legit and rational.

very well done.

But.. and this is JMHO... the wife's argument was that she had a lover on the side that was part of her life that the husband did not about. AND ... this is the importnat part... that the wife made sure thather husband never felt Neglect or #2 in anyway.

But turning her Husband down when she she said NO to the vacation cruise trip she always wanted to take JUST be with the other guy changed EVERTYHING. Now we are on a totally different planet.

After the emotions cool down...

So many comments as to 'what "I" would do in the future' are made in the anger in the present. It is easy to say what I would do "if I were in that situation." But do we really know what we would do in similar circumstances? I happen to like the endings that reflect the character of the victim as being a wise man who knows he will suffer the consequences of his righteous vindication. In the original story I questioned George letting the wife know that he knew she was the wife in the made up story. The payoff in letting the wife know is that he gets to be "right" at the cost of his relationship with his wife. In most "cheating wife" stories here on Lit, the husband is willing to give up his own happiness for the hollow righteousness in punishing the wife. Sounds good while saying it and it's easy to move on to the next story without paying the piper for the punishment inflicted on the wife. Good original story, good ending in this one.

Your story, yes. John Trevor's, no.

Your story was intriguing and well crafted. John Trevor's was a unrealistic, hateful screed.

No rating.

After rereading the original story and both epilogues the only thing I can say is there is a hell of difference between a rant and good writing. I give one version 2 stars [just for trying] and the other 4 or 5 stars. It should be easy to figure out.
Now for my rant. I sure wish that the rating system was on a 0 to 10 basis. Sure would make it a lot easier to vote.

Trevor...NO! Hansbwl...YES!

Why did you even include Trevor's disaster? It was about as juvenile and amateurish as almost anything I have read.

Your ending was very good.

I agree with Harry

I certainly prefered your ending. The other was nothing more than a rant.
But I also have to agree that her turning down the vacation would have caused me to take a diferent road than your ending. I'm 68 and I would have spent the last few years either alone or would find someone who would at least give me respect.

Not a good idea

to post two different writers in the same piece. I do not feel that it would be fair to give an average of the two pieces, so this will be one of the rare times that I do not vote. Personally I saw no reason for an epilogue...

John Trevor...

I hope Mr. Trevor is happy about his juvenile conclusion to your story. I certainly am not. Yours is, far and away, the kind of ending one would expect in the story of a long-married loving couple. Good job!

Better without these endings

I agree that that the main issue is only lightly addressed. What is the right response to 30 years of lies and betrayal? The original ending suggested a payback of creating uncertainty and fear in her mind about the state of her marriage. She certainly deserved that. It was incomplete in that we didn't get to see her reaction. For payback to be effective we need to see the result. He probably should have created several such obvious "reminders" over the next few months.

Mr. Trevor's response is vicious. It doesn't fit the character that loves his wife and is resolved to remain with her. He has banished his rival from consideration. That is a payback of sorts. Players hate to lose control and his game was shut down. The lovers weren't vicious to the husband. They were discrete. Was vicious payback needed? It seems very excessive.

Hansbwl's ending was more consistent with the original story but let her off the hook far too easily. She pays almost no price for her actions and that seems grossly unfair. Finding myself in such a situation at age 70 I might decide to stay with my wife but my appreciation for her would be seriously undermined. I would take the opportunity to seek out new things to do without her and make new friends, some of them female. And if I was still seeking opportunities for sex, since my wife is no longer interested, I wouldn't hesitate to really use a wildcard. I would probably be discrete but feel entitled to my good time. The husband's capitulation to the situation, except for his little movie trick, is unsatisfying.

Your story

I like your ending, but those that read my stories know I can be a softy too.

I like your writing but I liked Trevors theme.

The bitch should be punished as well as the cheating ass hole. NO FORGIVENESS FOR SERIAL ADULTERY.

Well!

Sorry Trevor, I didn't like your ending much. A bit too drastic along the 'Torch the Bitch' style. Yes, Lawson needed some punishment but I really think you got carried away.

Sorry Hansbwl, I didn't like yours much either. There is no way I could put up with having the bitch around me that played me for a fool for some 30 years. That is not love - it is plain straight out serial cheating. For mine they get divorced and the kids are told the truth and how they react is up to them. She chose her life so she reaps what she sowed. Who cares if she got cancer. Even at the wronged husband's age there are still plenty of lovely honest available ladies out there who would love to be true to a good man for their twilight years. I would make sure that Mr.Lawson suffered a little for his actions as well.

No comparison

You are an author; he is a nut.

Author's Ending Fits This Story

To me your ending is much more satisfying with this story. "Torch the Bitch" endings have their place, but surely let the consequences fit the crime. Sorry JT, you ending was not what this story needed.

I liked the alternate ending

I liked John's ending better. To me, it made more sense. I'm not a priest or a social worker and what the wife did was not forgivable. She deserved everything she got. I wish I could vote for John's ending.

Agreeing with Rehnquist ...

In that your original story was best left alone.

If I must chose between your ending and the other, it's no contest for many reasons I won't bother to elaborate ... your ending clearly is best.

But for me your original story had a better ending on it's own.

Plus, I think your original ending actually addresses one of Harryin VA's issues. If I remember correctly he pointed out that there is no addressing of the issue of the wife cheating for 30 years, and her attempts to rationalize it when talking to her husband about the other fictional couple. When the husband walked out on his wife leaving her behind in the hotel as he went out to cash in his "wild card", he was effectively dealing with rationalization of 30 years. She was suddenly faced with how hollow those rationalization were, and that she was now faced with the choice of drinking from the same glass of bitter infidelity.

The original story was best standalone!

As for these two endings, hansbwl is light years better. Trevor's epilogue was simply the hateful ramblings of a lunatic.

Epilogue not needed especially like either

While I agree some with Harryin VA, Rehnquist explanation of reasons were more thoughtful and along with jasonnh, OldStormy and scareyone more along my thinking.
No Epilogue needed and not like this - either one!!!
Some payback was needed and started at the end of original which I liked - let her wonder and feel the pain when he found out! Some retribution needed not extreme since the original story covered reasons what husband wanted. Showed her some payback at the end of original story but would have made her wonder more with usage of wild cards for rest of life or as hansbwl stated until died from cancer. Maybe give her some forgiveness as the cancer got worse if she had showed A LOT of remorse?? Yes I am in some ways a softy.
As for Trevor epilogue - wrong from so many ways but hansbwl not much better from the other side of spectrum but at least hansbwl was the real author so can take the story where ever wanted! We with comments are just along for ride and to speak out like back seat drivers many with no sense of direction or of the ride the author is driving.

endings

The original story was just fine as it was. If it was to be expanded, I could imagine a much expanded and angst-filled couple of years that could make a story in a similar vein to the original.

The alternate ending is taken from other stories I have read here, so it is not only not in keeping with the original story, but doesn't seem to be all that original in itself.

The author's ending is ok, but not as detailed as the original story, yet it is in keeping with the original.

Loved yours dispised his

Reading Trevor's epilogue was an excruciating experience. It was like seeing a 4 year old having a favorite toy taken away. I frequently use L. Kohlberg's work on moral development. It has 5 stages and these stages will appear at certain ages if development continues. If arrested it stops. In Trevors case he stopped at level 1 or 2. It is all about him and his feelings. It is about another as a possession not as a person. The Bible states let him who is without sin cast the first stone. If you are pained by the behavior of another change their opportunity to hurt you not by destroying them. Reading yours was like a summers eve with the wind blowing clover smells my way. His was the stench of an oil refinery or steel mill. Get a grip and some empathy Trevor.

Okay.

Your ending? Both on THIS story and the Original story are both good. The Romantic in me likes a happy ending. Although I will say I think if I had wife that had cheated on me for that length of time I would not be married to that person any longer.

Now I don't know who "John Trevor" is but he needs some serious help. When a marriage dies, for what ever reason, move on, live your life don't look back. That part of your life is over, onwards and upwards and onto better things. That is what SHOULD happen when someone gets divorced, I know it doesn't happen that way in real life.

But the idea that "John Trevor" came up with is just a nightmare. Psychos that are locked up in jails and prisons around the world have such ideas and they act on them.

So yes I would go for YOUR ending rather than "JT's" although as other have said the original was fine as it was.

Your ending kept in character.

Trevor's ending did not match the characters of the story nor was it realistic. Unless money was involved I sincerly doubt George came home from a cruise with a 50 something hottie never mind having the guy whacked

We are talking senior citizens here, late 60s to 70s, and the husband, George, already stated that he was too old to start over I quote:

"I did not want to live the rest of my life alone. Nobody to be homemaker for me, have to clean, feed and entertain me. To come home to an empty house every day seemed very gloomy. To start again with another woman at my age was absolutely no option. Too late for that now."

Being alone is a common fear among the elderly and I believe they will put up with a lot to avoid being alone. George and Annie may not have returned to the loving relationship they had but would have probably stayed together out of convinience-too old to start over.

Tell Him Again Harry,

I still don't think he gets it.

An Authur hansbwl!!!

Writes a very moving story that stood alone very well. But Mr J. Trevor has to add his two cents what a piece of crap!!!!!!!!. Mr Trevor write your own damn story!!!!!!

One bad, One good.

Revenge was so out of character. I didn't like John Trevor's version at all.

Your Epilogue stayed in character, but I didn't like that her turnaround came when she discovered that he went to a movie, instead of using a wild card. She didn't get it until she found out that he faked having an extramarital affair? She should have gotten it before that. I did like that she finally did 'get it' and devoted herself to her husband.

I didn't like John Trevor's ending. I'm not one to accept reconciliation at any cost and like to see cheating spouses punished some what. But this was too far over the top. I certainly hope this was just a flight of fancy for JT and not the way he would react in real life.

I can understand the feelings of betrayal, anger, and depression felt by George. I can also understand his actions. Possibly if they had been twenty years younger I might have wished for a different outcome.

Thanks for the epilogue and for the story.

Harry and Reinquist hit two of three beefs....

....I have. Let me add one more. 3 Fucking years??? And why does Trevor's ending leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy??? Why do so many males think that Physical pain is so much worse than Psycho-emotional pain? I would immediately agree to one hour of torture a day forEVER if it mean't my sister could live again.Been through the scalding water/needle exchange where they ain't wanted torture,this pain is worse.

I liked

the first guys epilogue better . Yours makes the hubby a wimp ass cuck .

Could have left it alone

and we would have been better off. This one didn't need an ending.

Trevor must be a very unhappy person.

That kind of hate indicates that he has a/some serious problem(s). It does, however, qualify him for membership in a select group of Lit responders - those who share his lack of self confidence.

Harry

you have no "HO".

Original story was horrifically horrible

this ending was extaordinarily HEINOUS. (the reader's alternate gibberish ending was unintelligible and meaningless.)

The better ending was the original

On the endings, I think we are all in agreement that Mr. Trevors was pretty ridiculous, especially when performed by a 70 year man! Yeah, I can see someone doing it, but the world is full to the rim with crazies.

As for the second ending, it was good and tugged at the heart strings. And for someone 70, quite possible. Granted not one for most over 60, but possible. But I also agree that it left a lot unsaid and unresolved.

I think the main thing for me is that there was never any real closure. He never confronted her about what she did. and the old "Well, you never suffered" argument she used is very dismissive of his feelings or respect. respect seems to be a major thread which winds through these tales.

All things being equal, it was better to just leave it as it was.

But , thanks anyways!

regards
C

Both Endings Need Work

John Trevor's end was too dark (and illegal) to be enjoyed by most readers. It is one thing to get revenge, but sinking to the wife's lovers level or below is not is not it. On the other hand, hansbwl's ending is too mild of an ending for this story. perhaps, an outcome a little more 'middle of the road' is called for in this stories ending. But, since this is hansbwl's story, his ending is ther best (and true) ending. At least it had a happy ending (to the affair), but the stories final ending was also a bit dark.

Both sucked:

The first one was plagiarized from a story I read recently and the second one just sucked.

Running on empty

"I'm back." George called out as he closed the door behind him. His wife Annie fixed a smile on her face as her husband approached her and passed her by. "Something smells wonderful, I am one hungry man."

Annie picked at her food all the while watching her husband eat with enthusiasm and gusto. George cleared the dishes, placed them in the dishwasher, then joined his wife in the den for a little TV and reading.

At a few minutes past ten, George excused himself and headed off to bed. An hour later Annie entered their bathroom and prepared for bed, she glanced at the door that led to her husbands bedroom and sighed; it was almost a year since he had left their bed and she missed him terribly. She opened the medicine cabinet to clean her teeth and tried hard not to look at the top shelf. It would be easier to ignore if George hadn't come back from his walk so happy, if he hadn't eaten so heartily. Somehow her eyes drifted higher until they arrived at the lone pill bottle. Annie began to cry.

George shuffled the cards and smiled. "Why do it this way? Simple, Annie's a great housekeeper, divorce would have cost a bundle, probably meant selling the house. I'd have to move, try to start over somewhere else - it was not my first choice. My desire was flagging already but finding out what she'd been doing killed what was left. I wanted to do something to remind her of what she'd done to us. I saw one of those commercials and suddenly it was so simple. A bottle of Viagra with my name on it on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet and every day it has one less pill. Damn I can just imagine Annie watching that bottle slowly emptying and then - BAM - a fresh, full bottle on the top shelf. Serves her right for what she and that bastard did. I am not going to sink to her level but damn if I'm going to give her a free pass. So here I stay, and here I play - now how many chips are you going to give me for these seven Viagra?"

George looked at his cards, smiled and tossed a chip on the table, "Whose in?"

I could not decide

Which ending was worse. Sorry. I tried.

Juanwildone has almost got it right

John Trevor's ending is just sick and gross.

Hansbwl's ending is simply not as good as the ending he gave the original.

If there has to be an epilogue then Juanwildone has almost got it right. Maybe even that is a little to blatent and in her face. The bottle of Viagra pills should be hidden somewhere where he knows she'll find them. And not every day. Maybe he should suddenly take up "golf" every Tuesday afternoon, disappearing for a couple of hours, one Viagra pill less, and coming home cheerful and relaxed. That would leave her with the impression that he is building a serious alternative relationship with someone else, giving her all doubts that he suffered.

Now I remember . . .

why I miss new posts from juanwildone and GaryAPB so damned much. Both of their ideas are better than either posted story ending!

For Chrissakes, fellas, will you please get something new posted? And you too, Winterfoxx! J.D. Salinger got away with making a whole damned career out of one brilliant story, but we're not letting you off that easily!

Oh My God!!!

How can such insignificant story creates such fuss? But the fuss is great fun, thank you all.

Try Again

Trevor's was way over the top, no imagination just anger. Your's fell way short of the mark. Her getting cancer was a cheap shot to gain sympathy for her. I agree with HarryinVa. I can't believe I just said that. She met this guy three times a year for thirty years. That suggests that she loved this man and as her letter suggested that had both of them not been in a "good" marriage things would have been different. At the very least, a conversation on the topic would have been in order. Depending on her explanation and justification of her betrayal would determine where they went from there. Trevor's= 0, hansbwl's epilogue= 0, HarryinVa= 5, and hansbwl's original story= 5.
Your Epilogue actually ruined your orginal story. It was very good just on it's own. Leaving the lifelong logistics of how he was going to get his wife to treat him like a king the rest of their marriage to the reader. Actually, posting Trevor's response so you could show him up was very childish. I hope you got his permission to post it. If not, that would make you look even more vindictive and a very small minded person. You have my permission to post this. Oh wait, I just did.

Neither

Neither version was satisfactory to me. The alternate epilogue was much too harsh and too quick as well as only being able to be accomplished in fiction. The second was much too short and an did nothing to add or detract from your original ending. 30 years of lying and cheating totally forgiven just because they might be "lonely"? I don't buy it. There is a version of the end that would be somewhere between the two offered here that would better represent real life.

Why?

Two extreme endings which really added nothing to the original story. The reader's ending provides a good reason why he should not write stories. It was over the top violent and stupid. There was nothing in the original story to justify torture and murder.. You go from a grandpa playing Santa for his grandkids to him terrorizing the grandmother. There is no court in the land that would award damages well after the employees had left the company not to mention the problem proving that the company condoned the affair (30 year old witnesses nonwithstanding). Your ending was consistent with the orginal story so nothing unexpected there.

Liked

Your Version the other one was so over the Top.
it did'nt fit your story at all. Now if he had Reason to believe
that they did'nt stay away from each other it would have Deserved a Violent Ending.

Wow!

That first part was a little ove the top, don't ya think? Sheeeesh, someone is a definite misogynist. However, IMO, your ending is a little soft. Three weeks is ok, but I would have dragged it out a bit more. Being the victim of adultery, which is was, twice, is a very, very painful and humiliating experience. That pain is rarely recognized by the offending partner on its own. Sometimes, giving them comparable pain is the only answer, if the relationship is to continue. Your solution is a good one, if a bit mild by some readers responses. I liked it.

I greatly enjoy your work!

I greatly enjoy your work!

The included epilogue from a reader was, as has been said by others, over the top. I enjoy a good revenge story, but this was entirely too much, too violent, for the pace and flavor of the original story.

Having said that, however, I found your epilogue to be somewhat..."unfinished" would be the best way I could define it. While I liked the writing and the way it flowed and ended, it didn't go as deeply into the character and motivations as I have enjoyed in your other stories. I know much can be drawn about the characters from the original (which I did read, again, just before I read the epilogue), wanted a little bit more on George's and Annie's feelings, thoughts, and motivations now that 10 years have passed. This felt more like a synopsis or first draft presented to an editor, a promise of a fuller story to come. Just something to whet the appetite....

I guess I always want to know more about the people, not just what they do, but what they feel and think.

Anyway, keep on writing!
Kyuzio in Ohio

Can't say that I really liked either ending, but...

I think yours was the more practical. However, I do think there should have been some payback directed at Mr. Lawson. He knew she was married and a gentlemen would never seduce a married woman. At the least his wife and family would have know as well as his employer or workplace. Too bad if it embarassed his wife.