by JoeBarnosky
A good tale, following it with you....but a little comment, if that was the spartan's first time having sex...how come you make it sound like he is very good at it..but apart from that, dude, this is a nice story..keep it up.
This was like the third book I wrote so it was early in my writing. I can't recall exactly where it says it was his first time which is a good point and I'm glad you pointed it out for my personal knowledge. Otherwise thank you for enjoying it and I hope you like the rest of it.
i have no issue with him not saying it is his first time. i assumes he would have had some woman or another during his training already thus honing his skills as lover.
only comment is that maybe another check would be in order. it seems you written this in third person first and then changed to 1st person. there are a few changes/errors that slipped through like :
i pushed his(=my) cock in her pussy
just to keep the 1st person POV going smoothly. if it was just the one time i wouldn't have mentioned it, but during their sexual encounter it happened more then once ;-)
Yeah I initially wrote this all in third person then did a big change to the format it is in now. I wanted to show the story from different views and I tried to correct all mistakes.