My Sister, My Roommate

ok story.

The story was ok, I do have to say an editor would have helped. And also your spelling was bad. But even with that it was good.

Uh, no

I don't normally leave negative comments, but this was one of the worst stories I've read on here. Nothing was realistic, there was no build up, no real dialogue. It was like sitting around with someone telling a story verbally, but doing a bad job at it. Take some writing lessons. Your idea was good, other than the brother being a total asshole, but if you took a writing class or something, you could possibly be an OK writer.

The short paragraphs make this read like a report. There's a certain "bare bonedness" to your writing that sounds sort of translated. A man in that type of situation is generally called "kept". Not the worst thing ever, not the best..

It was an entertaining story if a little "over the top".

Surely he could have figured out how to make money on the web with all the porn activities. I do not recall money being mentioned. Oh, well.

And then we went to the arcade, then we bought ice cream, then we went home

'What I did on my Vacation', by Bobby Drippydick, Aged 9.
What a dull, pointless story, it reads like a 4th Grade English report, and is obviously written by a 13 year-old in his mommy's basement. No stars.

Wtf

He's got job to pimping his sis

Dialogue

Add dialouges in " " instead of describing what they're telling to themselves - It'd build up a tension bit better