All Comments on 'Lapdancing Girlfriend Ch. 01'

by DocCIS

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DocCISDocCISover 13 years agoAuthor
Not an Annie story...but one I had to write...

I know a lot have been waiting for another chapter of my Annie series. This is a story that started out from a post a few years ago on the forums here and I started writing way back then. With time being so limited I had a day to work on a story and this one was easier to get to a completed state than the next Annie chapter so hope everybody likes it! There will be another Annie chapter coming soon, and I do apologize for the long times between these stories...but this is a hobby, and work takes much of my free time.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Excuse Me

How does a guy go from being upset, angry and very unhappy about his fiance' working in a strip club to enjoying her fucking a rival who demeans and uses her.

You had 2 characters here. The first guy would have spoke up in the booth when Chuck started playing with her pussy and if things continued that guy (Dan) would have said to Chuck and Jen 'She was my Fiance', and as hard as it was he would have left.

I enjoyed your story, well written but the contrast was a bit much. I kept reading to see if Jen would, at the last minute put sa stop to things and leave with Dan.

Obviously, she already knew Chuck and uncharacteristically had not said a word to Dan - that should have been his clue.

As to their getting married - NO, you didn't write him as the kind of guy who could allow or accept his wife dressing flimsy, flirting with guys, stripping and ultimately having sex with customers and porn - Nope, different guy.

Anyway, enjoyed it, just thought the ending wasn't appropriate.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Good Read!

Wow, good read! Now I have to decide if I'd like to see a sequel to this, Director Jekyll & Ms. Hidesnothing, or Annie next. I think the pool party needs to be done next! Would you consider writing a sequel to this story after Annie is done?

DocCISDocCISover 13 years agoAuthor
Didn't want it getting longer...

I was going to "flesh" out Dan a bit more but had already devoted half the story to him and his bad day so didn't want to make what was originally going to be a very short story into something even longer than it was, hehehe.

I wanted him to be sort of "walked over" in terms of his attitude. Starting with others sniping his commissions in the office to his rival taking his fiancee...so apologize if that did not get portrayed sufficiently. For those that have read my other stories, one of the common themes is the boyfriend/husband always finding out they actually enjoy watching their significant other with somebody else...as does the girlfriend/wife enjoy being used...

As to the next story coming out from Anonymous 2...it will be the pool party as it is 99.99% done and just needs a grammar check and adding 1-2 paragraphs at the end. The next chapter of the Mrs. Hyde series is not even as close...but once I get the pool party of Annie done, will be working on that as well as the next Annie chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Giving Thanks

Story of the month and strong contender for the best of 2010. Consider me among the increasing throng complimenting your literary skills and clamoring for a sequel of this story. The pending holiday reminds me to thank you and all the Literotica authors for their contributions.

m48gunnerm48gunnerover 13 years ago
So..

Please..no wimp husband or boyfriends! YOU don't have to "torch the bitch" to still have a boyfriend or husband be a man about things. So....what next. Problem is that Chuck has too much control over "diamond", somehow Dan has to regain his place in Jenny's life...they can take their relationship where ever they choose....but it should be their choice, not Chucks.

GethelredGethelredover 13 years ago
well written, but mate

You cannot hurt someone in that fashion and maintain their self esteem, particularly in the eyes of the readers, without some catharsis. Dan needed to beat the shit out of Chuck, sue him, get him nabbed by the police, something that can make this story contain any element of justice.

You would have done better to have written an end; either Dan leaves, and we follow Diamond, or Dan does something better. This would have been much better with that ending as part of this story, but at this point, I can't see it ending well for anyone, particularly Jen.

I will favourite this, if only so I can see how it ends. Like I said, well written, but if you continue along this path the only readership you will receive are the sadistic and the masochistic.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
oh great another "I'm an Cuckold and damn proud of it!"

Next story she fucks the whole bar and half the town, he cleans her out.

Third story he lines up the other half and gets a nothing but is happy to hold her hand.

DocCISDocCISover 13 years agoAuthor
Thanks for the ideas!

Thanks for the suggestions, much appreciated! :p

DocCISDocCISover 13 years agoAuthor
There are still possibilities...

First remember she was drugged, so it was not exactly her giving in completely to her boss' lust...so there's some leeway in terms of her being a complete slut...although that is not impossible.

Dan was never made to be a 'strong' guy...he loves Jen, but he is not necessarily a dominant male, whereas Chuck definitely is. Still have not decided how the rivalry between the two will play out if I make a continuation story.

If I work on a second chapter, it will be centered around the contract she signed...locking her into something she may not have realized. Whether Dan reveals to Chuck he's her fiancee still remains to be seen...

MissSensesMissSensesover 13 years ago
The Perfect Storm.

I sat here reading this, thinking. 'Wow.. a lot of that can happen in relationships, money, and jobs.' I was wondering what I'd do if I was put in a position where things were spinning out of control. I saw both characters as two people that were being put to the test. People aren't perfect and sometimes our choices aren't the right ones. That gave this story a "real feeling".

Most girlfriends/boyfriends wouldn't allow such a thing to happen, and in some way have trouble stopping it. But, again I felt how angry "she was" and how Dan needed to hold onto anything to keep things from getting worse. And at the same time struggle with the sexual nature of what she was going through. Having never seen her in a situation like that, I felt Dan and his emotions of shock over the situation.

Everyone in a relationship will say " Hey.. honey... let's try this, it would be hot and fun." But, the truth of it is, is until you are faced with it or right in the middle of it, it's hard to judge how you'd react or feel. That makes anyone human. It's not perfect, but nothing is. Things that shock our eyes can change the way we think and act on them and sometimes its to late when we do.

I thought it was a good story. The set up of what Dan was going through in the first part of the story, explains some of his lack of action in the later part of the story. Well done, it kept me reading, feeling and that's what makes a good story in my book.

Keep writing Doc, you're only going to get better at it.

Psst.. I must admit, I'd like to see Chuck get some blackmail of his own. Tit-for-Tat. And wouldn't it be hot if Dan and Jen were behind it, ending up being the ones 'somehow' owning the club in the end. *evil laugh* Stranger things have happened!

Miss Senses~

mchuchamchuchaover 13 years ago
Hot Story

I think you have excellent scenes in this and your other stories, and you pair them up well with deep characters going through tough emotional situations. I appreciate the challenge in following this up with a second chapter that does justice to your plot.

Chuck is your most interesting character. I want to find out how he reconciles his conviction that he's a good guy with his abusive tendencies, particularly towards his strippers and whores. I also like the dynamic shaping up among Chuck, Dan and Jen.

Regarding your ratings on this story; if Dan and Jen get married you can post this under "Loving Wives" and then I suspect you'll get more fans. I know low ratings hurt, but I really think you should build on this (and the Annie story).

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Like it

A really like the story but can you continue on the Annie series? Those were awesome and I am looking forward to them

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
Loved it

Great story. Loved the build up and fantastic scene descriptions. The tenseness of the situation coupled with the lust was a great turn on. I really hope you do a few more chapters as there are lots of possibilities. How much does the club change? Are the girls expected to do more risque shoots for the club or will Jen have to put out to keep the vice cops away, or the staff intermingling with her and her husband. Hope to see some more.

MerlynemrysMerlynemrysover 11 years ago
Didn't go anywhere!

I hated this story. It doesn't go anywhere. It has no conclusion. The sex scenes are well written butt, basically, are isolated incidents with no unifying thought and, worst of all, no resolution or conclusion.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
fantasy

this is my fantasy come true, i love you so much. i'd prefer it if she wore platform anjle high shoes though

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago

You make Dan seem like too much of a nice guy for this story to be enjoyable. I just felt really bad for him and could not be interested in the strip club scenes.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Loved This Story!

Just went to Vegas and I got to thinking about what it would be like to date a stripper. Than I found your story and it completely went with my fantasy. I had even thought about what it would be like to have a rival getting to see her naked. Then you even let him fuck her! This story sent me straight over the edge. Loved every minute of it!

DocCISDocCISalmost 11 years agoAuthor
@Anonymous

Glad you enjoyed it. I am currently in the final stages of finishing up Chapter 05, so hope you enjoy the other chapters just as well. I have a total of around 10 chapters planned, so the story is far from over!

Be sure to check out my blog (URL in my profile) for updates and status on my writing and such!

verbicideverbicideover 10 years ago
A bit overwritten

In general this was a good story, but there is no need to devote so many paragraphs to how emasculated, bitter, angry, etc, Dan feels about his and Jen's financial situation. After the third paragraph about his feelings I'm pretty certain most readers picked up on his unhappiness.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Best Story

Best fucking story I read in a long time! Including DaVinci Code... lol.

Awesome work man. Please don't stop writing.

DocCISDocCISover 9 years agoAuthor
@Anon

Thanks! Be sure to check my blog (URL in my profile) for updates on this and my other stories as I write them. I try to keep it current so everybody knows what I'm working on and when something may see the light of day...and hope you look over my other stories as well!

CarnalProdigyCarnalProdigyalmost 9 years ago
Incredible!

Absolutely the Best erotic story I have ever read. You have a rare gift. I completely understand about the lack of time to write. Damn work always gets in the way doesn't it! That said....the selfish side of me wants to read what else you have in store for sweet Jen. I'm thinking (wishing) lots of Interracial, impregnation fear/fantasy, love a scene where she rapes a young lady......and of course, to see Dan finally give in....hell have chuck seduce/rape Dan!

DocCISDocCISalmost 9 years agoAuthor
Thank you CarnalProdigy!

Much appreciated!

If you haven't already, check my blog (URL in my profile) where I list some of the upcoming plot twists as well as several teasers from the chapter. I try to keep it as up to date as possible time permitting as well as what I'm currently working on! Definitely beats having to keep visiting here to see if I've posted anything new, LOL!

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Mmm

Does no-one hate how Dan is such a pathetic wimp letting and watching his girlfriend being fucked and not only not doing anything about it but enjoying it! 1*

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
5 for your effort and story,. Goooooood read

fuck you annony you pig

DocCISDocCISover 8 years agoAuthor
Hehehe

Although I don't usually leave negative Anonymous comments (unless they are actual constructive criticism)...seeing two Anonymous posts berate each other is amusing...

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
This stuff is amazing!

I just finished the third chapter and I am spellbound. This piece is so hot it has literally haunted my thoughts for the last couple days. Excellent work! I'm sure I will be reading through all of your stories.

DocCISDocCISover 8 years agoAuthor
@Anon

Much appreciated! Be sure to check out my blog site for story updates, teasers, and the like (URL in my profile)...

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago

Never been much of a fan of cuckold stores on here still not

DocCISDocCISover 8 years agoAuthor
@Anon

To each their own...some people like that sort of thing, others do not, but appreciate the comment and feedback!

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
one of the best

one of the best cuckold story, I love this...please chat with me on personal_urmila@yahoo.co.in and I'm happy to pay money please.

DocCISDocCISabout 8 years agoAuthor
@Anon

I typically respond to readers through the "Feedback" form on Literotica or on my blog site (URL in my profile)...so that's the best way to get a hold of me!

And thank you for your comments! Always appreciated!

argeelogargeelogabout 6 years ago

Wow. Intense and thought provoking. Good writing even if maddening.

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Belongs in N/C Because of the Spiked Drinks

To paraphrase Tina Turner, we don't need another cuckold.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 4 years ago
Research

Fiction is great, maybe make it that. Not humanly possible to have 11 inches that works. Those bitches limp amd don't get hard. Sooo...good luck with your fantasy dream.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
Sick Boyfriend

What a Loser is Chuck and Dan .They Raped a roofed girl wow they must be really Proud of themselves . They remind Me of a guy I met in Boot .. His family had Juice and while We all went to the Sand Box .. He got Stationed Stateside .. He then Married My ex Wife ... I caught them together and I was not Happy . AKA I Kicked his Sorry Ass . Not All Marines are Good guys there are always a few bad apples in the Barrel .

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
So

Just a long ass story basically to explain the boyfriend is a cuck and it will only get worse, his fiance will be cheating slut or a toy for the rival. Yea, no thanks. One star and I am out. God knows what garbage awaits in the future chapters. Terrible.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
I really liked the part in which Jen’s sitting on Chuck’s lap!

Chuck is using the side of his thumb to slowly rub up and down her G-string front giving great rhythmic stimulation to her pussy, with Jen’s eyes far away and her nipples hard.

I would have loved a scene in which it’s shown or implied that Chuck is later caressing her hot tight butthole! Maybe Jen sits with her back straight and even arches and pushes back against the teasing finger, subtly, keeping it subtle. We might even see her chest rising and falling just a little.

I agree that Chuck is the most interesting character, with how he potentially reconciles his view of himself as a good guy with what is clearly major league asshole behavior, like giving someone drugs without their knowledge or consent. Yeah, definitely an issue.

The story might have been tenser and better if it had stayed with DubCon, meaning Dubious Consent. For example, Chuck uses his status as boss-to-be as well as what he knows is the peer pressure of the other girls to push a series of strong drinks too damn fast. And then Jen watches with rapt fascination as one of the newer girls gives a VIP Room “bad girl” blowjob to one of Chuck’s friends.

Not fully realizing that she is largely trapping herself! She’s both hornier and more “wild-ed” up than she expected. And then there’s the peer pressure aspect in which she doesn’t want to say that she’s better than the other girl. And when a guy’s decent and matter-of-fact about it in asking for a lap dance and even kind of pays in advance by slipping a number of twenties under her G-string at side of hip. So, resistance is down, horniness and wildness are up, and an immediate plenty good enough opportunity is there. So, she goes for it!

Jen gives him a red hot blowjob!

(She even swallows!)

(we can talk about how Jen later gets a good proper fucking of her wet, swollen, beyond-horny pussy. With a condom so she can fully enjoy it a lot more, although maybe she wants to take a couple of bare strokes just so she can 100% feel him)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Terrible

Helen1899Helen18994 months ago

A desert is a large wasteland, like this story, Chuck had desserts, get an editor. Why do some author's spoil stories with 11 inch cocks. This story seemed to gather all that's bad in other stories and lump them altogether in this one.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 month ago

A long story but well crafted. The only sad bit, the bully got his way!

Anonymous
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