A good start, with some development of Shiela's character and introductions of the male protagonists. Sheila comes across as someone fairly mature, with a head on her shoulders. The set-up in the storeroom hinted at a predatory Nerd-guy, but nothing that let us in on what was going on in Shiela's head or what she might do as the situation unfolded. There was no warning, no inference, no subtle hint that Shiela would fuck anything with warm blood and a hard cock. As interesting as it was, with some great potential, the set up and the action were too disconnected to be believable.
@Hamster - Thanks for taking the time to write your feedback on my first story to appear here on Literotica.com.
You must understand that this assay was completed in about two hours of furious scribbling. I was hot with the prospect of sharing my vision with others of like mind.
Immediately after posting this story, I began to unravel certain inconsistencies that continue to nag at my brain. Another friend suggested I spend more time describing sensations, e.g. the cold air outside the mall.
All these are great suggestions which I take to heart.
Just one thing, though: in no way was I striving for realism here. This is pure fantasy from my puter to yours.
I would like to see the character developed a bit more. A continuation of the story would be good. She seems a bit too willing; perhaps a continuation with folks she isn't wanting to be with. Maybe have her realize that the nerd took some of her clothing with him when he left - and she has to get back to her car somehow. Her ex-teacher decides to 'share' her with his friends. Lots of possibilities.
English
Make Up Your Mind
A good start, with some development of Shiela's character and introductions of the male protagonists. Sheila comes across as someone fairly mature, with a head on her shoulders. The set-up in the storeroom hinted at a predatory Nerd-guy, but nothing that let us in on what was going on in Shiela's head or what she might do as the situation unfolded. There was no warning, no inference, no subtle hint that Shiela would fuck anything with warm blood and a hard cock. As interesting as it was, with some great potential, the set up and the action were too disconnected to be believable.
@Hamster - Thanks for your feedback
@Hamster - Thanks for taking the time to write your feedback on my first story to appear here on Literotica.com.
You must understand that this assay was completed in about two hours of furious scribbling. I was hot with the prospect of sharing my vision with others of like mind.
Immediately after posting this story, I began to unravel certain inconsistencies that continue to nag at my brain. Another friend suggested I spend more time describing sensations, e.g. the cold air outside the mall.
All these are great suggestions which I take to heart.
Just one thing, though: in no way was I striving for realism here. This is pure fantasy from my puter to yours.
Peace out,
SassyS
A great start
I would like to see the character developed a bit more. A continuation of the story would be good. She seems a bit too willing; perhaps a continuation with folks she isn't wanting to be with. Maybe have her realize that the nerd took some of her clothing with him when he left - and she has to get back to her car somehow. Her ex-teacher decides to 'share' her with his friends. Lots of possibilities.
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