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English
MORE!
Great start to what looks to be another one of your great stories. Thanks for the wonderful reads.
Get an editor!
It was a good start on a story, however your mistakes interrupt the flow of the story.
Also find a way to separate your times of talking to one's self such as using ' or italics.
is it realistic?
I like your story but it strikes me as unrealistic that the adult native americans would not know that having Chayton ride home on horseback could reinjure him badly. Maybe a case of building up the white hero too much?
good start
this is the first time i've read a story from you and I like it, in the beginning you used first person, then you switched over to 3rd which was a little confusing... I wish you would have went more in depth with Jim & Chante's marriage; her learning to acclimate being married to a white man and suddenly becoming enmeshed in his world, the developing relationship b/t Jim and Iron Buffalo, basically I wish it had been more show and less tell... it would have really drew the reader(me) into your story and made us care/identify with Jim and Chante... but other than that I don't really have any complaints, can't wait to find out what the shaman did to Jim
Great Start
I, too, would love to more about the marraige between Jim and Chante. Perhaps we will see some of it in flashbacks.
One thing is that I do not have the slightest idea where this is going!
Great read
I like the story very creative I am very curious what happens. If you needed an editor I didn't notice.
Just separate the Spirit healers thoughts and you'll be fine. It is a very readable story.
OK, a bit confused here
It's understandable that he might know who the local chief is, but how does he know that he is her father BEFORE she tells him this? He mentions hoping that Iron Buffalo and his braves won't kill him and she gives him the blanket, but no mention is made that Iron Buffalo is her father, yet he says:
"How will this blanket keep your father and his men from attacking me?" Jim asked, not understanding why the Indians would recognize it.
"My father is Tatanka Maza, Iron Buffalo, in your language. He is chief of the Lakota Sioux. The blanket was a gift from him, to protect me. It will do the same for you and give you a chance to talk to him."
NOW he knows, but he didn't before he made this statement.
second hundred 01
Ed Grocott
edgrocott@gmail.com
rule number one for a happy marriage
don't keep secrets from your wife.
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