This is a touching story and probably as disjointed as Viv's first impression of Susan. It just didn't go anywhere beyond a whirlwind philanthropist bit.
Having said that, I noticed the story was sorted into the Erotic Couplings category and that got me thinking. Unless you intended to have the story entered as Non-Erotic, you need to add a scene appropriate to the Erotic Couplings category (or since the only two adults available are both female it could go into the Lesbian category). Without adding another chapter that could somehow include Susan and her husband, you could add a scene at Viv's place after the kids go for their nap. Viv might feel obliged to offer some repayment or Susan, already the instigator, might press Viv to let her do something else to help. You get the idea.
It really is a touching story. Write more like this please.
English
Touching but Erotic Couplings??
This is a touching story and probably as disjointed as Viv's first impression of Susan. It just didn't go anywhere beyond a whirlwind philanthropist bit.
Having said that, I noticed the story was sorted into the Erotic Couplings category and that got me thinking. Unless you intended to have the story entered as Non-Erotic, you need to add a scene appropriate to the Erotic Couplings category (or since the only two adults available are both female it could go into the Lesbian category). Without adding another chapter that could somehow include Susan and her husband, you could add a scene at Viv's place after the kids go for their nap. Viv might feel obliged to offer some repayment or Susan, already the instigator, might press Viv to let her do something else to help. You get the idea.
It really is a touching story. Write more like this please.
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