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Bathroom Playtime

byCharlotteDaville©
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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous12/21/10

Needs an editor!

Okay who is Richard?
Okay was Taylor fantasizing about Michael as she watched him lift a box or was she suppose to be lifting the box while fantasizing?
Using she twice as well as using and twice plus having extra words that were unnecessary detracted from this story. Having someone edit your story will help make it better.

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by Anonymous12/21/10

Good start

I thought you have a good start to your story. I do agree, just a little bit of proofreading is needed. Can't wait to read the rest of the story!

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