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English
Chuck and Star. Arrrrrgh.
I think this story was about Chuck and Star. Or, was it about Star and Chuck? With only two characters, I think the reader might be able figure out who is who. A little pronoun usage would reduce monotony and elevate the piece from the 1st grade level to somewhere around the 6th.
Seriously, Pat Sajak. I'd like to buy a pronoun.
writing
please you a spell and grammar checking program.
Think edit!
very amateurish and poorly written effort.
Give the guy/girl a break
As far I could tell, this is the author's first story, so give him/her a break; most new authors needs to practice.
Anyways, great story
Thanks
Thanks for the feedback.
As the past poster mentioned it was my first story.
I get that its amateurish - I thought that was the point of a free forum/website.
Anyways if anyone wants to edit the words without changing the storyline go ahead - Just let me know how you go :)
good start
Good theme, and could be realistic, as I've actually done similar. Actual quoted dialog will improve the story, i.e Star said, " Say, Honey...."
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