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i'd really like to see...
you take your first three lines and see how you develop the thought from there, mikeIvy. your write here shows us the picture, and it's quite gentle and sweet, but those first lines are (for me) far more interesting as a reader.
This pretty good.
unfortunately you let yourself down with the two glaring cliches at the end (lingering kiss and sweet surrender). I'm still gunna recommend it cause it was good.
See everyone screws up!
I am the queen of typos!! Mwahhaha!!
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