All Comments on 'Twin Minds'

good story >>> but wheres the end... why stop now... as I visit the site every few weeks I am dissapointed by ch2x in a series of short stories which could have been better paced.

At the end of this story I was left feeling there was another page, which was missing.

It is almost as if the story stopped part way thru a scene...

regards woodcutter

I enjoyed reading your stories but they have no ending. I hope you write more chapters to them before writing any more non ending stories.

Who is Kim? There's Lisa and Samantha ... and then suddenly for 1 paragraph there's Kim. Either explain who Kim is or change Kim to the name that fits in this story.

The story has more energy when you drop passive tense sentences. For instance: change "He'd ejaculated quickly and she'd been very tempted to suck his cock to see if she could get a second climax from him like she often did with Sam but the moment had passed and that had been the climax, literally, of their date. She hadn't orgasmed but that was OK." to "He ejaculated quickly. She was very tempted to suck his cock to see if she could get a 2nd climax from him like she often did with Sam. The moment passed, and that was the climax -- literally -- of their date. She didn't orgasm but that was OK."

Active voice everywhere possible makes the action more energetic and easier to read. There are less words to hold onto to complete the thought. Also, break long run-on sentences into shorter ones for the same reason.

"He'd ejaculated quickly and she'd been..." is past tense, which is what is correct for the piece as written. Changing it to ""He ejaculated quickly. She was very tempted to..." brings it to present tense, which would be incorrect usage when describing something that happened in the past.

I usually edit a couple times when I re-read. I also had "Chapter 1" in the title but it seems to have gotten lost, perhaps because this site isn't too friendly with the formats you can submit. I prefer PDF files but Literotica doesn't allow them. More cuming ;-) The "Kim" goof happened because I tend to write a couple stories at a time. That would also have gotten caught in an edit reading. Again, sorry. Hang in there, more coming.

Hentaijack

I think that I would be good to read about how they finally seal their relationship as man and wife.

That would be so hot for them to realize that even they are brother and sister that they should be together always.

Thanks for the great story, it's really a sweet and loving relationship along with being sexy and erotic.

The story was enjoyable but could have gone on to describe their date and how Sam finally got to fuck his twin. Hopefully you will ad chapter 2 to describe the date etc.