Desire Ch. 01

good beginning. if Luke & Jules ends up together, I think Luke needs a better dude. Eoin's adorable!

I'm really impressed with this first attempt at a story! I love the way you are developing the characters and letting us see emotion. I love the kid thrown in there. I like the conflict that Jules is dealing with and the feelings that Luke thinks are unrequited. It is overall a great start and I look forward to more.

wOW

You know you have a good start when one of the characters makes you want to punch them for being so callous. Jerk was putting it mildly.

Good job on your first posting.

good story

wondering how its going to go. very good for your first posting..keep it up

more is to come hopefully, i really like it and i hope you continue it

Great start! I love the characters and really hope the unrequited storyline is resolved happily for both characters. 1 thing though, you used except where you probably should have used accept =) other than that i am completely in love with this story. I can't wait for future installments .

Well done

You have captured my attention and I will want to read more. I hope you keep this story line going. The characters are very well developed and the story line / plot is very believeable. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Can't rate this story yet...

It's a great start...I like your style....it's believable but as this site features erotic stories, this is only skimming the essence.

However, when the next comes out, if it is as good with more erotic content, I will rate both high as I feel you will need this set up as a lead in.

Keep up the good work

Don't let me down

I say a five...an excellent beginning. I want to see where the story goes because if Jules is really not attracted to Luke this is going to be a tragedy. If he is then he is in deep denial, more issues... Solid first try, don't let me down and abandon the story post soon please.

Can't Wait

For the next chapter. Great start, wonderful characters. But the chapter was too short. Hope the next one is longer and soon. Plus, Jules better get his head out of his butt.

Gave you a 4

Would have been a five, but there was a bit of errors with tenses. But great job and I really love the plot line.

awsome

the story is really good...i cant wait for the next one

A nice tease...

If you keep delivering then I will definitely rate your story higher. A little brief but a very good beginning. Hope I won't have to wait too long for more.

Details..

Great beginning... However, there was one glaring inconsistency that took me right out of the story. You describe Luke as having a "pale blue gaze" and then state "Luke's eyes were the darkest shade of blue they could be without looking black." As a reader, when you are building an image of a character based on the author's description, discrepancies such as that can be very jarring.

Eye Color

Yeah, about the eye color... It's supposed to be the dark blue, not the pale. I apologize for the mix-up. My only excuse is that I was working on two different stories at the time, and I was debating which shade I wanted which character to have. I forgot to change it before I submitted this story. Again, I'm sorry for the mix-up. However, it is too late to change it now.

--Soulless

Very nice

Have to say awww this is such a nice start and Jules you prat... geez!! I want an Eoin of my own... wait I have one lol my son and he was just as cute then too.,.

mmmmmmm

enjoying it.

Word Choice

Proficient at what? ... or do you mean efficient?